Lowering Standards For Love … And Laughter

15 Jan

During this NightQuil-DayQuil-Theraflu-Homeopathic battle warring over by body, I’ve had random five minute breaks from the clutches of parenthood. And during these hazy, and yet lucid moments, I’ve come to the realization that there’s been an ongoing breach of my standards.

Standards that were ironclad pre-family, but now for some reason after two kids, these standards have loosened a bit and fallen into the “suggestions” category of life.

Whether I’m suffering flu-like symptoms or not certain things have come to pass in the Guat household, things that I would have never allowed in any other relationships. And being the die-hard Seinfeld fan that I am, I get all my life and relationship advice from Jerry and his gang. And during this cloudy period I realized that I’ve let these standards crumble simply because I love my kids.

I just do.

There’s no other rational response as to why I’ve accepted these socially blacklisted behaviors.


Just love.

And humor.

So if you find that you’ve tolerated more than one of the following behaviors, I’m afraid to tell you that there’s no coming back.

It’s part of parenthood.

The Close Talker. This is someone that has forgotten the definition of personal space and breaks all kinds of boundaries during a regular conversation. My son constantly has conversations with me about Legos, trains, books, Star Wars, or sandwiches … centimeters away from my face.


Close Talker


The Anti-Dentite. Normally I discourage the hatred or fear of any profession, but it appears both of my kids fall under the Anti-Dentite category. They don’t like dentists. They don’t want to see dentists. They don’t want to hear what dentists have to say. And a lollipop is not a big enough bribe.

Re-Gifter. My son is constantly re-gifting toys and books to give to his sister. Once he’s done playing with something he feels the need to turn around and give her the stuff as a gift. A poorly wrapped one, but nevertheless a gift. I’m amused by this one.


Tim Watlet re-gifts Elaine's present

Tim Watlet re-gifts Elaine’s present


The Pop-In. This is the person that visits someone unannounced and without warning. I find that my kids are always popping-in on me in the bathroom. This is not cool, but no matter how many times I tell them the rules, some sort of Nickelodeon Junior emergency transpires at this time.

The Double-Dipper. This is the person that re-dips their chip into the communal bowl multiple times … the whole re-dipping then feels like they’ve put their entire mouth in the dip. My kids tend to do this, their kids. They enjoy dip. But even when I serve them a plate with their own dip, they find the larger bowl more appealing than the dollop on their plate.


George double-dips and gets caught

George double-dips and gets caught

The Jimmy Legs. I like having my own bed. Space where I can sink into a deep sleep. However kids find their way to the Serta mattress and their legs begin to kick and smack me, like they’re having some sort of spasm, but in reality they’re probably dreaming of playing soccer or being ninjas.

Some of these infractions combined with a bad day usually elicit a Serenity Now moment and massive amounts of chocolate, but for the most part it’s laughter. That’s what love does.




8 Responses to “Lowering Standards For Love … And Laughter”

  1. cravesadventure January 16, 2015 at 8:51 AM #

    I have to say my biggest pet peeve is the double dipper of dips and everything in between (i.e. sharing a big bag of chips with strangers – everyone diving in and out, in and out to get a handful) – Ewww! I do not like close talkers either, especially if they spit or have horrible breath – NO Thank you! My whole body is now cringing and crawling.

    Moving On – Happy Day – Happy Weekend – Enjoy 🙂

    • cravesadventure January 16, 2015 at 8:53 AM #

      I have to say with loved ones my standards are not as high and it is more about love, laughter and fun 🙂

    • The Guat January 28, 2015 at 1:36 PM #

      The double-dipper does make me cringe a bit, but when it comes to my kids I slide however anyone else, mom, sister, cousin … Duuuuude NO.

  2. lameadventures January 16, 2015 at 9:03 AM #

    You are a very cool 21st Century mom, Guat. My mother would have murdered me for each and every of these infractions. She wasn’t mean. That was what life was like growing up in the Sixties. Glad it’s a new era.

    • The Guat January 28, 2015 at 1:34 PM #

      I’d like to think I’m a little cool and yes I can see the whole strict mom stuff my mom was and still is like this. But when it comes to non-family duuuuude forget it!

      • The Guat January 28, 2015 at 1:34 PM #

        Non-kids actually … Just mine 🙂

  3. Cayman Thorn January 18, 2015 at 9:18 AM #

    My son is also a re-gifter. I can’t really get on his shit about it since he IS recycling.

    • The Guat January 28, 2015 at 1:35 PM #

      Kids are a trip that way. And yup they’re all into saving the planet now. Got to give them credit.

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