You Can’t Gratitude Your Way Out of It …

Be grateful for your health. Be grateful for your job. Be grateful for your kids, their health. Be grateful for your house. Be grateful for the opportunity. Be grateful you woke up in the morning. Be grateful for the sun, the beach, the weather …

Gratitude became something I hung onto when a sinkhole appeared on the yellow brick road. I’m sure a lot of people activate that inner appreciation vibe and give thanks.

That’s a good thing. Gratitude. Needs to happen to get you out of that funk. You can’t be a bitter and angry Gargamel. You need to open up that Silver Linings Playbook. Excelsior!

But sometimes you can gratitude yourself into staying in a bad situation, and that can’t be good either. Well at least I have my health … Health can’t be the only thing you have because what happens when the day comes that you don’t get to say that? When you don’t have your health?

Sometimes you get stuck in the moment and then you realize holy crap I forgot. I used to have more. This is not me.

Sometimes it comes to you when you see a younger version of yourself, one wearing bell bottoms with that Farrah Fawcett killer hair. Maybe it’s the one at the park when you used to watched Saturday morning cartoons in your Scooby Doo chanclas, followed by a park outing. It’s that Kodak moment that takes you back to wanting something more and knowing you deserve it.

So you snap out of it. You realize you can’t gratitude yourself out of every situation. You just can’t. Keeps you stagnant and false. You realize that when you actually can’t say “well at least I have my health..”

So you move in a different direction, a more balanced version. And you have better moments, some where the sun rising is genuinely what sparks gratitude.

And you see a younger version of yourself smiling and you feel you’re making your way back. You caught yourself and now you’re making a U-turn. You’re making adjustments and finding a way back. You’re grateful that you’re finding your way back 🙂

Buen Camino…

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No … I’m Not The Rooftop Killer …

You make up all kinds of excuses just in case you were wrong.

Tom Hanks, sitting at the keyboard wondering what he can tell Meg Ryan, about why he didn’t show up to meet her at the coffee shop.

I had a flashback of this scene as I thought about coming back and writing a post. It’s been a minute since I’ve anonymously shared parts of my broken-but-continually-trying-to-fix-it life.

I haven’t shown up.

I hated when a WordPress buddy I really liked, one that I thought, “Hey you know, I’d probably be friends with the person in real life…” would just vanish. No final good-bye posts. No reason why they went on hiatus. Nothing. They left. Their time, sharing stories, was gone, and I’d feel a little … hmph … that sucks. I liked their stories. I liked participating in their life from far away.

Then it was me.

I became what I hated.

I left without good-bye.

But I had no idea I was taking a break, or that the break would last so long. Writing takes strength, discipline, openness, and many people don’t know that. And even when you do, you’re not always on track. My tanks were on echale. All of them. So, I ended up being the storyteller that left the party early.

Well to squash any doubts that you might have had about what could have possibly happened to me … No, I’m not the Rooftop Killer. No, I didn’t win the lottery. No, I wasn’t in a crazy romantic adventure John Hughes would write about ooof I wish. No, my project didn’t get picked up. No, I didn’t go on an awesome vacation. No, I didn’t get a publishing contract … Nope. None of those feel-good vibes came my way.

I got stuck in a moment that I couldn’t get out of … and it just kept going after that. Stumble after stumble. I was in a funk with adult responsibilities that didn’t allow for a break. So, I just kept going. Bit by bit. Trying to find my way back …

And so, I’m Tom Hanks. I left you at the coffee shop … latte for one.

Bringing back the highlight (and lowlight) reels. Catching up where the conversation was dropped.

But I’m returning like the Jedi … hopeful 🙂

And so now it’s still Feel Good 5 Friday, even if it’s just for a moment. I hold onto that moment tight because sometimes you don’t have many.

1. Watching your kid score two goals from half-court, or what they call midfield I guess, in an All-Star soccer tournament … definitely felt good.
2. Mandalorian Season 3 … I mean c’mon. It’s Mando.
3. Two boxes of GirlScout Thinmint Cookies left in the freezer. Yes. Yes to all the chocolate. Yes.
4. I have a dog, and he genuinely likes me. He’s a moody one-year bulldog who’s probably bilingual by now, and I KNOW he hears me, he just chooses to give me side-eye instead.

5. Mumford & Sons … this song … this song right here gets my inner Rocky Balboa going.

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Buen Camino …

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