I Realized I Had Turned Into A Spork

3 Feb
Image via Despair.com

Image via Despair.com


As a mother of two, I was a big time proponent of multitasking, it was part of my survival mechanism on my journey through parenthood. Although, I think as a female it’s just something inherent in us, we’re wired for multitasking. We’re resourceful that way. We see our to-do list and think how much of these crappy tasks can I get done in an hour?

You pack as much as you can in 60 minutes so that you have less to do the next 60 minutes. You’re just trying to make things as easy as possible for yourself after sunset, because night time is supposed to be quiet time. Meditation time. Chocolate time. Wine time. Framboise time. Miller time. AMC or FX time. So multitasking is supposed to be your savior.

And it was …

I’d be proud of the fact that I’d make good use of my time by knocking things off my list, answering emails, and paying bills, while cooking lunch. Playing Legos with my kid while folding laundry, and watching a movie.ย  Cleaning the bathroom while taking a shower.

Yeah … I felt like Superwoman.

But towards the end of the week, things would get out of hand as I tried to add more things to my multitasking itinerary and then the quality would suffer. My emails were half-assed, my bills would get paid on the wrong days with the incorrect amount, and my culinary skills would suffer. My kid didn’t think laundry and Legos went well together, and I’d always rewind the movie because I’d miss a great line. In addition showers were no longer relaxing for me, because the fumes from the Ajax did not produce a Zen-like vibe.

This lack of quality would irritate me, and I’d have an Incredible Hulk moment because not only did I not finish the stupid list, but when I did, some of the things were half-assed.ย  I realized I was a whole-ass kind of person.

These events would totally burn me out, and I would be in desperate need of chocolate.

And during one of my Godiva moments, I had a revelation. It happened about a year after I had my second kid, but I am just now sharing this wisdom with you.

I realized I had turned into a spork.

A spoon-fork.

At first sight it seems like an awesome idea. Wow. A spoon and a fork in one. A space saver and a way of using less plastic. Awesome right? Yeah … until it’s the only utensil you have and you’re trying to eat soup. Savory soup. Let me tell you, eating soup with a sport sucks. It’s sad … just sad.

So now I’ve accepted the fact that some things are just not gonna get done. And I’m all right with that. I’m still Superwoman, only with less stress. I still multitask, but I don’t get crazy with the number of things on my 60-minutes-to-do list. And if I have to drop all the things off my list just to focus on one, I do. I’m in favor of quality over quantity.

So cut yourself a break.

Don’t turn into a spork.


It’s Monday. And even if it’s not, give yourself a break anyway because sometimes multitasking is not a great idea … like when you’re trying to eat soup with a spork.

It’s sad. Just sad.




24 Responses to “I Realized I Had Turned Into A Spork”

  1. The Jogging Dad February 4, 2014 at 2:37 AM #

    We men always knew this of course. That’s why we don’t multi-task. We prefer to concentrate on being just a spoon, a fork or just a dork.

    • The Guat February 4, 2014 at 8:45 AM #

      Ha! Yeah guys are masters at that … but that’s also why trash bags don’t get replaced, toilet paper rolls remain empty, tooth paste caps are left on the sink, and shoes are left in the middle of the floor so everyone can trip on them. Even when they are spoons, they don’t even single task. ๐Ÿ™‚

  2. ksbeth February 4, 2014 at 2:47 AM #

    i love this and totally understand. ) best, beth

    • The Guat February 4, 2014 at 10:26 AM #

      Ha! So glad you get me … so glad you had me at hello ๐Ÿ™‚

  3. Hippie Cahier February 4, 2014 at 4:36 AM #

    During my spork phase (an analogy I absolutely love, btw), I had a tee-shirt that got a lot of wear because it was the easiest thing to slip on that said, “I am invincible. I am woman. I am tired.” Every mom I encountered looked at that shirt with a sigh of solidarity. Love this post.

    • The Guat February 4, 2014 at 8:49 AM #

      Ha! I love that shirt! I think I would have it in every color because it’s definitely the mom motto. Thanks for getting my mom-woman-invincible humor. It’s always good to meet another member of the club.

  4. susielindau February 4, 2014 at 7:57 AM #

    Hilarious! I’ve been a spork for years and just realized I can only do one thing at a time. Being very slightly ADD doesn’t help my focus!

    • The Guat February 4, 2014 at 8:54 AM #

      Yeah after my son I was a total spork, but after my daughter … dude I’d just have all kinds of Incredible Hulk blowups, and I was weary. I retired and just became a large spoon, and then a fork on weekends ๐Ÿ™‚ But yes I’d imagine the ADD would not help your spork transformation into a single utensil ๐Ÿ™‚

      • susielindau February 4, 2014 at 9:29 AM #

        That is only a self-diagnosis, but I am more easily distracted than most people! ๐Ÿ™‚ It makes sense as to why I make so many mistakes while reading a recipe if they are talking. A spork cracks me up!!!

  5. Kathryn McCullough February 4, 2014 at 8:17 AM #

    Okay, it’s official. I LOVE this, as I have perpetually failed multi-tasking. Spork, I’m not. I appreciate the support of my sad dysfunction. You rock.

    Sorry to have been away for a few days. Iโ€™ve been busy finishing another chapter of my mafia memoir to read at a literary event here in Cuenca Thursday night. Hard to catch up. Iโ€™ve missed your posts!

    Hope you still love me!

    Hugs from Ecuador,

    • The Guat February 4, 2014 at 8:57 AM #

      Ha! You sure know how to make someone feel awesome in the morning ๐Ÿ™‚ No worries about missing a post or two…writing another chapter for your awesome book is essential and I expect you’re going to be writing an awesome post about your literary event, with pictures! Anyhow glad you loved the post. Good to hear you were part of the spork club and now find yourself as a single utensil like me ๐Ÿ™‚

  6. cravesadventure February 4, 2014 at 9:12 AM #

    Great Post – Great Reminder to not turn into a Spork! I try and take too much on some days – work in progress in slowing down a bit more. Happy Tuesday:)

    • The Guat February 4, 2014 at 10:27 AM #

      Yup! We’re all trying to slow it down a bit. Keep up the progress, your spork to spoon transformation should take place soon. ๐Ÿ™‚

  7. lameadventures February 4, 2014 at 9:47 PM #

    Good points all, Guat. No way do I want to be a spork, either. It’s such a thankless, borderline useless tool. I’d rather be the corkscrew. Wanna join me?

    • TBM February 5, 2014 at 2:33 AM #

      Ha. How Dorothy Parker of you! Yes, I rather be a corkscrew.

    • The Guat February 5, 2014 at 8:37 AM #

      Dude. Genius. That’s like one of the best utensils ever. Definitely a corkscrew …

  8. anotherday2paradise February 5, 2014 at 5:11 AM #

    We women are just too amazing for words. ๐Ÿ™‚ Thanks for the smiles, TG.

    • The Guat February 5, 2014 at 8:39 AM #

      I know, right? We’re just transforming into all kinds of things. We should really just keep our superhero cape on at all times. ๐Ÿ™‚

  9. Cayman Thorn February 5, 2014 at 5:01 PM #

    A spork DOES seem like a good idea at the time, doesn’t it? But you’re right, its facility suffers when put to the test. If I had to choose between eating lasagna with my hands or with a spork, hmmm…it would be a tough decision.

    • L. February 5, 2014 at 7:55 PM #

      Love the ajax kiils the zen factor in the shower reference. I’ve done that so much. Thank you for motivating me to stop! Also, in my mature age, I’ve come to accept that certain things will not get done and that’s Ok. I value my time over the insane desire to get the that damn list cleared off. I’ve learned to enjoy my time taking care of a few things. Other things can wait. It’s taken me a LONG time to learn this though!

  10. Su Leslie February 5, 2014 at 10:27 PM #

    Love it! Very sage advice, and I’m totally impressed to find someone else in the world using the word “spork.” It’s what I grew up calling those things, then I hit the big wide world and discovered that no-one knew what I was talking about. “Oh, you mean dessert forks” said someone posh and I knew I’d been told. Then I discovered a few years ago that a spork is the same as a runcible spoon (as in ‘The Owl and the Pussycat’ ” … they dined on mince and slices of quince which they ate with a runcible spoon …”). So thank for making me smile ๐Ÿ™‚ and reminding me of my childhood.

    • The Guat February 9, 2014 at 8:41 AM #

      Ha! As soon as I saw this image and then its caption I was like … holy crap … that was me. It cracked me up. And then I recently saw it again and said I have to share the knowledge ๐Ÿ™‚ And dude I with you I would have dessert forks? Dude. No. It’s a spork. I got you. And so glad you enjoyed the post and that I made you smile.

      • Su Leslie February 9, 2014 at 11:12 AM #


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