Archive | 11:59 PM

What Every Parent Needs to Know

10 Jan

It’s light. It’s crispy. It’s buttery. It’s my savory savior.

I never realized the importance of Ritz Crackers until I became a mom. Goldfish Crackers are awesome. Yes. But Ritz Crackers take it to another level. They don’t tell you this in parenting classes, magazines, or books. They talk about nurturing kids, the importance of play time, and nanny cams. They tell you that you need to always pack wipes, diapers, a pacifier, and an extra set of clothes in the diaper bag. But they don’t tell you to pack the Ritz Crackers. They failed to mention the power of the Ritz.

It should definitely have its own chapter in a book, or a at least be a bullet point in a magazine article. It’s definitely bold-letter worthy.

Image via

Image via

I found out about the power when my four-year old was just a toddler. But seeing how he wasn’t really high-strung, or suffering from the terrible twos when he was younger, the power of the Ritz Cracker didn’t reach its full potential until my daughter hit that I-can-go-crazy-in-public-places stage.

So what’s a mom to do when this happens? There’s no reasoning at age one. There’s no ‘hey look at that airplane in the sky’ speech because then she goes crying and reaching for the plane that she can’t have, and so you have another battle.

So what do you do? She doesn’t want you to hug her, she doesn’t want you to hold her hand. She wants to run around in circles and probably hang upside down somewhere. So what do you do?

You reach for your Ziploc bag of Ritz crackers and give her one. It keeps her busy for about ten to fifteen minutes. She savors every bite of that flaky awesomeness, and you have some peace.

But what happens when you’re on a multiple errand run where you have to hit Costco, Target, Best Buy, and Sports Authority? You just bring the entire packet.

What if you’re in the car? On a long road trip or traffic jam and there’s no Maroon 5 or Wheels On The Bus songs to save your life?


What if your making a trip to the doctor’s office where vaccinations may take place? There’s no sticker big enough, colorful enough, or shiny enough to dull away the pain. So what do you do?


What if you’re actually trying to enjoy yourself and decide to take a trip to the stadium where you want to watch at least five innings, three quarters, or two periods of exciting hustle and bustle offense and defense?


What if you go on a trip to your mother-in-law’s?

Well then you probably need some Ritz. The whole box.

Anxiety and stress, they can follow you anywhere. Festering, making the gray hairs accumulate, so how do you prevent this old age attack on your body that could eventually lead to the meltdown, of both parent and child?

Ritz. The mighty Ritz. Don’t forget to pack them.