Tag Archives: USC Football

Thank You Inventors of Duct Tape

17 Nov

It was a disaster. A disaster that hasn’t happened in over six years, but nevertheless a disaster anyway. A complete catastrophic event owed to the number three … as in three turnovers which led to three touchdowns, which then led to three glasses of Framboise. And then the complete disaster continued and ultimately sent me into a serious angry-depressed-crappy day spiral.

One pint of Ben & Jerry’s Half Baked.

Two Hostess cupcakes

11 Oreo cookies.

101 swear words.

One broken remote control.

And three Ghirardelli squares.

Still nothing.

My blood was still boiling.

My blood pressure was still up.

My profanity level was still at an all-time high.

Image via LA Times by Gina Ferazzi

If there were a time when you would want the players on television to hear you, it would be today. Today. The day of The Big Game. The day where my Trojans dropped the ball and uncharacteristically lost to the Bruins.

Dude.

I cleared out my chocolate stash and my emergency stash. Completely burned out by the terrible way they played in the first half and then making a big a huge comeback only to have a brain fart in the end. I mean who were these people?

Yeah the Trojans. Always giving their fans heart attacks and emotional breakdowns every season — however this season there was a little bit too much of that. Thank God for those Aflac commercials, otherwise I would not have laughed at all after the game.

Alas … the saga of the sports fan.

In the end it was the remote control who suffered most. Being thrown across the room and slammed against the floor whenever the Trojans made a bonehead error proved to be almost fatal. I’m a diehard fan there was a lot throwing. However, I’m glad I found the duct tape. It’s a miracle worker after BIG GAME night.

Thank you inventors of duct tape. Remote control works just fine.

 

Guys Suck … They Really Do. But Frida Helped Out.

15 Sep

Angry. Irate. Frustrated. Hostile. Raging. Furious. All hell was breaking loose as these emotions consumed me. I was so upset that I was practically foaming at the mouth.

You sit there with high hopes and they crush you. You feel like you can count on them, but they let you down. They tell you that you can expect great things from them this year and they don’t come through.  It was the most gut-wrenching six hours I’ve spent on a Saturday … well at least this year.

I was so angry that I actually screamed. Not a chick scary movie scream, an Incredible Hulk-Wolverine scream deep from my gut.

My mom and dude rushed in, a little freaked out, to see what could possibly ignite such madness.

“What happened! Are you all right?”

I pointed at the screen. They noticed the fans rushing the field and the score.

“Jesus!”

They shook their heads and went back downstairs.

Football. It was college football.

Who was responsible?

Image via GoldenBearsBlogs.com

 

Image via ESPN.go.com

 

These two dudes. Completely responsible for all the profanity, jumping, wall pounding, yelling, and superstitious ritual rally cap wearing throughout the day.

First D’Amato  stirred the pot with his non-kicking skills. He went 0 for 3 today. I’d understand 2 for 3, possibly accept 1 for 3. But 0 for 3. Dude if you were a stockbroker you’d so be fired with that stat. He missed three field goals that changed the momentum of the game and the mojo of his team. This is where the frustration began. Even though The CAL Golden Bears made a comeback , they ended up losing to Ohio State.

I was so upset that I had to leave the house. I chose to exit a cool-air-conditioned living room for a 100-degree blaring heat. I just couldn’t be in the same room with the television.

After I calmed down, I returned for what I thought would be a game to turn things around for me. An event so awesome that I would high-five myself. But no … none of that. I can’t even begin to explain the amount of errors on the field today. Interceptions. Duuuuuuuuuuuuuude. The thought of it riles me up a bit. I better stop and count to ten.

Rehashing the game will only infuriate me, and I am currently at an acceptable chocolate and alcohol induced state. I’d like to keep it that way before going to sleep.

But in short, the anger just boiled over with the USC Trojans Football Team. I mean they lost to Stanford, for crying out loud. There mascot is a tree. This is where the Incredible Hulk-Wolverine powerful yelling began. However this time I couldn’t escape immediately. I had to read The Adventures of Woody and Buzz Lightyear and put the kids to sleep.

This did not help improve my mood.

I so wanted to break up with both of these teams. But I didn’t. I ended going out for a run. If I had a punching bag that would have been so much better. But instead I put on my New Balance and hit the pavement.

Better, but not great, because after the anger, came the heartbreak, and then the drinking.

But then a friend of mine sent me a text message and it made me laugh:

“Like Frida said … I tried to drown my sorrows with alcohol, but they eventually learned how to swim!”

Enter chocolate. Lots of chocolate. No swimming back from that one.