I’m Having Warrior Dash Withdrawals

Yeah. I’m suffering from Warrior Dash Syndrome. I’m having withdrawals. I’m craving a challenge. I was left with such an awesome feeling that I want to repeat it.

But I have to admit I don’t like running.

I feel like if I’m not training for anything there shouldn’t be any sprinting involved. I feel like if no one is chasing me, there should not be any running within a five-mile radius. Running should have purpose. I need to find another race. Another challenge.

I’m on the lookout.

made specific for the triathlon wikipedia page, made up of licenses images from wikimedia as well as a few of my own photos which I release to public domain (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I found a race I’ve done before. The Tin Man Triathlon. Not IronMan … TinMan. The lightweight metal on the Periodic Table of Elements. Wait. I don’t even know if it’s on the Periodic Table of Elements. It’s sort of a metal-like substance. Well regardless of its lightweight status, it was one of the proudest athletic moments of my life, other than the Warrior Dash. It was on The Bucket List, and I was so happy to have crossed it out.

Could I do a repeat performance?

Possibly.

Training for the running and biking part was doable. Although while I was training for the biking portion of the race I was zooming along and a parked U-Haul came out of no where and sort of crashed into me while it was sitting there on the corner. I mean I saw it, but for some reason my brain didn’t send the message to my body parts and before you know it I was en route, semi-airborne, and smacked right into the back door of the U-Haul. It was a short trip. My body was up against a picture of some walrus and an interesting Venture-Across-America-Did-You-Know fact, which wasn’t really interesting at the time. 

I had to take a minute to recuperate. Several actually.

So training is not super easy, but it’s not exceptionally difficult either. I made it through the race all right, until I hit the swimming part. I trained in my uncle’s pool, and well seeing how there’s a rift in the family ever since my uncle passed away I’m pool-less.

Can I go to a public pool? Sure. Sure, but I have issues with swimming in urine. It’s just not for me. So this is my predicament.

I’d have to swim at least a couple of times before heading into the race. I mean how can you train for a triathlon and not splash around in a pool? How do you train for swimming when there’s no pool. Maybe I need a giant tub.

I don’t know. I mean I didn’t swim every day, and it showed when I got to the swimming portion as numerous people passed me. It got to the point where I was so tired that I stopped doing the freestyle and started doing the backstroke. For some reason that seemed easier to me and I went zooming along. Well not really zooming, more like Nemo, cruising the waters. I was pretty exhausted.

But I got my medal and I was ecstatic the entire day. My first triathlon. I felt badass.

Maybe doing my second one will feel even better.

 

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My Warrior Update #8 … Surprises

How you gonna change on me? I’ve been mentally and physically preparing my muscles for these obstacles? I’ve been training them not to fall down certain ways, because you know I can fall all kinds of ways … it’s the Guat in me. And now, I’m going to have to retrain these Guat muscles. It’s not easy people. Gravity is a powerful thing and then you’re gonna throw in five new obstacles in the mix that gives gravity an even bigger advantage? I can only do so many push-ups and squats.  Let’s not get crazy. 

http://www.warriordash.com

But at least I’ve got about two more weeks. Warrior challenge indeed. The unexpected always happens. That’s a given … that happens all the time in every aspect of my life past and present … motherhood, sports writer, substitute teacher, designated driver, etc…. Expect the unexpected and then train like hell.

I’m glad I checked the Warrior Dash home page this week. Otherwise I would have been in for a surprise when I ran into the Road Rage, Vertical Limit, Barricade Breakdown, Great Warrior Wall, and Capsized Catamaran obstacles.

I think I’m gonna need more Glucosamine.

It seems that a few of them I can handle with ease. Road Rage has me “stampeding through a scrap yard of rusted wreckage.” I can stomp. I can climb cars. I can slide over the hoods. I’ve seen Dukes of Hazzard. This is one is not too bad.

In Vertical Limit I’m “scaling to the summit and sliding down the vertical drop.” I’m rock climbing basically. However, no harnesses or ropes attached to my body. But I’ve seen Sylvester Stallone‘s Cliffhanger…I’ll be fine. I’ve rock climbed before, so this one seems all right. I just need to remember to bring my Hapkido/Kung Fu grip so I don’t fall backwards. Thank God I don’t believe in manicures, I’ll be able to hold on tight without worrying about my Lee Press-On Nails.

 In Barricade Breakdown it’s pretty much hurdling over barricades and then trying not to breakdown as I crawl in the mud under barbed wire. I used to run hurdles in high schools. I know, I know with my falling record you would think, why? But sometimes you have to face fear head on. Did I fall? Plenty of times. Did I get back up? Yeah. I had to finish. So I’m no stranger to pain. Hurdling won’t be a problem. I didn’t break any school records, but I was a pretty quick Guat.

 The Great Warrior Wall seems like the Deadman’s Drop. Climbing a ginormous wooden barricade and then dropping or sliding down. I think they just put this one in so that your arms could feeeeeeeeeeeeeeel the burn as they hoist you and all your poundage up and over. I think I’m gonna drop and give myself 20 as soon as I finish this post. Just so my arms get used to feeling like jello after all the burn.

Last but not least is Capsized Catamaran. This one replaced a tall climb where waterfalls constantly splashed over you, like a hurricane. This substitution is unfortunate for me because the new challenge is a bitch.

I’m a little scared. It requires me to “swim, climb, stumble, and swim.” That’s a lot for one obstacle. And it’s the swimming. I’m not the best swimmer. I’m like my Dad … I’m a floater who splashes. The only way I can swim is the backstroke. When I did the triathlon I “backstroked” the entire swim. It’s the only way I made it, but this was in an Olympic-sized pool. The Warrior Dash will have murky waters and crowds of people rushing, swimming the normal way. I think I need to see where I’m going, can’t be swimming backwards. Maybe it won’t be a real swim, maybe I can tread water.

Definitely more Glucosamine needed … that and push-ups. 

Giddy up!

My Warrior Update #7

It’s when my face will be red, when my legs will be tired, when my sportsbra will be put to the test, and when my feet will probably be yelling at me: “hey dumbass … you should have bought those Dr. Scholls insoles whether or not you had the coupon,” … this is where my Guatemalan Warrior is put to the test … In the middle and near the end of the race.

http://www.warriordash.com

This is when the Rocky theme music plays in my head. This is when my second wind kicks in, although I don’t know why the second one was invented you should just have one that lasts. This is when running two miles every day for the past month conditions me to persevere. This is when I see myself in slow motion, in a Gatorade commercial, black and white, a single perspiration drop rolling on the side of my face, with the narrator saying “Do you have it in you?”…

Hell to the yes!

The obstacles this time: nets. Climbing and crossing them, both challenging for a professional faller-downer like myself, but for some reason I’m feeling pretty confident.

The Chaotic Crossover requires that I “crawl across tangled nets,” in a sort of low-to-the-ground Spider-Man warm-up obstacle, if he ever warms up before fighting crime. It’s a place where I can clearly lose my New Balance running shoes, if I’m not concentrating, and get my foot tangled in that web, providing a serious traffic jam for my fellow warriors.

The Cargo Climb allows me to “maneuver over cargo nets” in a pretty tall man-made structure. This one I fear, a little. Not so much the climb up, but the way down. Like a roller coaster at Six Flags … you’re all hyped on the way up, but when you know you have to come down that’s when butterflies flutter.

It’s the falling thing, or the get-your-foot-caught-in-the-net-thing and still continue to fall … well dangle as others just continue to climb around me. But I’m sure there are good Samaritans in the race.

Good athletes have a code … “never leave a man behind”.  If you can help, you do. Is it a competition? Yes. But it’s not the Olympics, so I’m sure there will be some broke down athletes at various locations and if I could I help detangle someone I would. I just hope someone else would do the same. If they stroll on by laughing at me, I know they weren’t athletes back in the day … probably cheerleaders.

My Warrior Update #6

This is where my army or marine training would come in handy… if I had been an armed forces soldier. But I’m a writer. So I have to rely on my sad push-up regiment to help me conquer these Warrior Dash obstacles. You would think that the push-up would be easier by now and that I’d be doing five sets of twenty-five and be on the cover of Muscle and Fitness Magazine … but for some reason my weak left wrist begs to differ.

http://www.warriordash.com

It’s got a kink. According to WebMD I could have Carpal Tunnel Syndrome or Psoriatic Arthritis. But apparently some of my friends feel WebMD isn’t the most trustful, so I will need to get it checked out by a regular-in-office-white-coat MD. Until then I’ll probably rely on BenGay, a wrap of some sort. and ibuprofen.

What about climbing?

Don’t you need wrist action for the Deadman’s Drop and Giant Cliffhanger?

Not really. I’ll most likely need biceps and quads. With all my merengue and cumbia dancing my quads are awesome. They’ll be fine. It’s only when I’m doing push-ups that my wrist is not happy. So as long as I don’t have to drop down and give someone twenty, I think my wrist will survive. Maybe I’ll start lifting some barbells to ease my wrist push-up problem. Regardless, I’m sure I’ll need some wrist strength on these climbing escapades.

The Giant Cliffhanger allows me the opportunity to “trek to the top of a massive slope” using rope as my guide. So I am basically hoisting my entire body weight up, over, and down this man-made slope … something you would see in army training, I imagine. But as long as it’s not a timed event, I’m sure I can haul my butt awkwardly over this challenge.

In the Deadman’s Drop I will “climb to the top and over an unhandy hurdle.” Safely… safely is the key word here. However, as you reach the top and climb over to the other side, the second part of this obstacle gives you two options: 1) go down a make-shift wooden slide where you may or may not get splinters on your ass or 2) jump the distance becoming the deadman that drops because you’re so tired, possibly twisting your ankle in the process.

Awesome choices … I know. I haven’t decided what I’ll do yet. Any suggestions?

I’m sure once I get up there my athlete instincts will kick in and I’ll make my decision on the spot, with confidence and without fear. Regular Guat Warrior, if you will.

Giddy up!

 

My Warrior Update #5

I’m not sure I can thoroughly prepare for this week’s obstacle. I mean I think I’m a little late on this one. I could have practiced when I was growing up at the neighborhood park, you know been like the other kids climbing that big geodome, but I wasn’t like anybody else …

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There was no climbing in my neighborhood unless it was over a fence and even then it had to be for a good reason i.e. ditching school, running away from a suspect element, or getting the last baseball that got grand-slammed over the neighbor’s house, a regular Sandlot moment. But see these were vertical climbs.

Leave it to The Warrior Dash to have something called The Horizontal Hike, where I am supposed to “voyage over an arching obstruction”. Arching obstruction concerns me. Have you seen these geodomes in kiddie playgrounds? I was never one to climb those things. I was more of a baseball diamond chick, hoops b-baller lady, and volleyball Karch Kiraly/Sinjin Smith chica. I had no time to be falling through holes in playground climbing equipment. I fell on the field, much more dignified and athletic like.

I rock climbed a few times. I get a good grip, but once again — vertical. And incidentally it’s attached to a rock — a piece of Earth — and you’re attached to a harness and rope. Geodomes … no rock. No climbing equipment. Just a man-made wobbly structure made of metal, where I imagine if you slip, it might be painful. Metal, like wood, hurts and knowing my track record for being gravity challenged, I might need some ice packs and Ben Gay on demand.

But you never know, I could crawl over this thing like Spiderman and move on unscathed. It could happen. I got the power of positive thinking and visualization. It happens to golfers all the time. I just have to use this mentality while I’m out of breath, tired, weak-kneed, dripping of sweat, nervous, and prepared to “voyage” over an obstruction. Although adding some more push-ups to my workout couldn’t hurt.

Definitely possible. Dude … I’m an athlete. I drink Gatorade.

 

 

My Warrior Update #3

Feeling The Warrior take shape within my Guatemalan body, regardless of the chaos, it envelopes me … inch by inch.

http://www.warriordash.com

I’m on about four hours sleep a night because the baby is teething and my son has the flu. I feel like the Un-Bionic Woman when I wake up.  I can find every excuse not to train, not to run, not to build muscle. There are plenty, including my son’s old Chicco Travel System Stroller that the baby currently uses. It’s not a racing, high-tech Ironman running stroller with an extra absorbent suspension system that provides a smooth lightweight ride. It’s clunky, you feel every pebble, and the front-right wheel desperately needs WD-40 every time I hit the track. But it holds babies up to 30 pounds, not that my kid is 30 pounds yet. But it works fine for walking the dog, not so much for running and keeping the baby asleep at the same time.

Every excuse crosses my mind, but then I think of the obstacles awaiting me on this 3.1 mile extravaganza, and I just grab the WD-40, my New Balance,  and hit the track. Conditioning and upper-body strength is a big part of this race, however they do throw a curve ball at you with a few obstacles that you can’t really prepare for, unless you watch the  Fear Factor or something.

Slithering Swamp. This little encounter says I am to “venture into unknown murky waters.” That’s it. I not a big fan of gloomy or obscure water. I think of the movie Stand By Me every time and I don’t want to end up like Gordie. Leeches suck, literally and figuratively. I think this will be the sprinting portion of the race for me. Flo Jo here I come.

Deadweight Drifter appears to be similar to Slithering Swamp, however they’ve decided to have me “trudge through waist-deep water and over logs.” Over logs being the key words here. This will be a challenge. I don’t think I can do this on land, let alone water. So I’ve taken to practice this hurdle and adding ankle weights, perhaps that will help my quads bust out of the water like an Navy SEAL.

Whatever the results, all I want to do is not eat it more than once in these murky waters. I don’t care about dirt under my fingernails, I was an athlete, a jock…but the George McFly in me just isn’t a fan of murky.

Giddy Up!

My Warrior Update #2

I don’t feel any sculpting developing here.  I feel soreness and backaches. Normal for a 35-year old body in training, but I consider myself an athlete so I’m a little disappointed in my muscle metamorphosis, but I’ve got two more months to physically transform into a Warrior. 

Warrior Dash

This week I decided to change it up a bit as it dawned on me that this race is not going to take place on a smooth all-weather polyurethane track. There will probably be elevation changes, dirt, rocks, gravel…all kinds of mother nature obstructions other than the Warrior obstacles. So I went hiking, which when you think of it is really just walking quickly up a mountain. I should have gone running up there, but considering the shin splints I got the next day I think walking briskly was the better choice. What a wimp! Apparently I overloaded my shinbone and the connective tissue with excessive force. So I took two days off to recover.

During my 48-hour training hiatus I decided to work on my muscles in order to prepare for the Rubber Ricochet and Muddy Mayhem obstacles. In the Rubber Ricochet I must “ram my way through a rubber jungle” composed of old Goodyears and Michelins. But what I didn’t understand was whether people would be shoving me into these tires, or the tires would be swinging on their own, either way it sounds painful. I won’t be wearing football pads or anything, so I focused on biceps. I mean I don’t look like Angela Bassett in What’s Love Got To Do With It, but I feel the seeds of strength planted.

I’ll probably also need upper body strength during Muddy Mayhem in addition to quad muscles. In this little adventure I scramble in the mud underneath barbed wire. I’ll probably need arm muscles to keep my face from drowning in the mud, but not too high or I’ll find myself getting stabbed by the sharp edges usually used to restrain cattle. Sounds like Semper Fi training, but I’m not even close to Armed Forces material. I should practice crawling, I guess.

In any case the training continues, the cardio commences, and ten obstacles to go. Giddy up!

My Warrior Update

I was energized…could’ve come out in a Gatorade commercial. I laced up my New Balance and worked out every day, making up for my minor set back a couple of weeks ago. And then the weekend hit…and it was over. No workouts squeezed in the early mornings or late evenings. It was a rough one, two kid parties, massive fruit roll-ups, and cake. Not just any cake…red velvet cake. Do you know how much butter is in that? Ooohhhhhhhhhh. Butter.

And now…here I am eating Doritos with sour cream and making a permanent imprint of my butt on the couch. I don’t even buy Doritos. For some reason they happen to be in the pantry and all of sudden I had flashbacks of late night study sessions in college and bam…half the bag was gone.  What is that? That’s completely not Warrior mentality. That’s fat-ass mentality.

Warrior Dash

I mean do I honestly think that the Warrior Dash is gonna be easy. Dude no. No. I needed to “scared-straight” myself because missing three days can become a week, then two. So I visited the website again and studied the 13 obstacles that await me. I’m doing some push-ups tonight. Maybe even the Doctor Oz Seven Minute Workout. Something.

But incidentally, other than my quick workout, I just have to break it down. I’ll start with my first challenge.

Obstacle #1: Satan’s Steps

I don’t know about this title. Being Catholic and all, I think the odds are stacked against me… but the fact that I fell UP the stairs, well that can’t be good either. I’m supposed to “scamper across staggering steps”. Scamper. Run nimbly? Dude. That is a challenge for me. I just need to put one foot in front of the other. That’s it. I think I’ll practice running up some stairs or as I did in my high school days …”bleachers”. Run the stadium bleachers develop my quads, so that I can scamper. But right now, game plan is to do this challenge slooooooooowwwwwwwwwly. Because with me I can fall up or down.

Giddy up!

Getting side tracked

You ever go to bed at night with all these plans and energy for the morning, like you have Tony Robbins on speed dial? But after your potty-training son has multiple accidents on the bed and your five-month old decided to say “hey mom what’s up?” at one…three…and six in the morning you feel like you barely own enough energy to put on your back brace.   

Ugh.

I was ready to tackle that Warrior Dash workout this morning and then ended up with a crazy backache. I don’t understand how that happens. You go to bed all comfy cozy on your Serta mattress and wake up as if you moved ten pianos.

The answer? You slept wrong. How is it that you can sleep wrong? I mean how does that happen? I’ve been sleeping for thirty-five years and for some reason in the middle of the night my body defies the laws of Serta, Simmons, and Sealy sleeping logic, and I awake needing Ben-Gay. The mattress didn’t wake me up and smack me, my body just decided all on its own to do the wrong thing and the sleeping deprivation provided by kids didn’t help me much.

Then you turn to the next logical culprit: the pillow. Must be…had to be…those are the only two things contributing to your sleep. But let’s stop playing these games. It’s not the pillow. It’s you. You’ve owned this pillow anywhere from six months to a year…it has your head print there. It knows where your head belongs. It’s you. You’re old. You got the wear and tear. You malfunction in the middle of the night like a bad can opener at a tailgate. Not cool, man. Moms need sleep.

So how did I train today…I walked two miles and did ten push ups. What’s up with that? I’m not a warrior, I’m a peasant. Walked. They say walking is as effective as running and better for your knees. I should get that printed on a shirt and wear it on race day. Things will get better tomorrow…if that doesn’t work…Ibuprofen baby. Ben-Gay and Ibuprofen. Giddy up!