Tag Archives: Tinman Triathlon

My Tinman Update #3

1 Jun

It’s the public urination. I’m just not a fan of swimming in that.

But I know what your thinking. It’s called a triathlon because it features three sports. Three. But for some reason that still doesn’t encourage the public pool adventure. But I’ll have the opportunity to splash around in a private pool soon enough. I might be able to dunk myself at least three times this month. I should be doing it three times a week, but this is The Guat Life … this is how I roll. Makes for a more exciting challenge.

Image via Durtbagz.com

I don’t know if it’s possible for someone to train for a triathlon solely working on the running, biking,  and weight training, but it’s all I’ve got. I’m not a high roller, I don’t have a pool. But I do possess some bad ass will power. It’s the kind of will power that’s coupled with the Lero Lero Factor.

I know I’ll be hurting once I reach this water. I will have run a 5K, biked nine miles through something called Devil’s Canyon, which I imagine to be something steep and grueling, thus the name. But I can only guess. I’m sure my stomach cramps, out-of-breath body, wobbly knees, and burning quads will let me know.

After surviving my encounter with the steep, dangerous, unknown canyon I then splash in the water for a 100-yard swim — you know the size of a football field.

100 yards in the water. Maybe I’ll watch some Michael Phelps footage and get inspired.

It’s supposed to be over after the swim, right? That’s what I imagined. But no. Apparently I am supposed to take my Aquaman ass out of the water and make a mad dash to the finish line. I don’t think I’ll be dashing much, more like walking briskly. But you never know. Maybe I’ll have some crazy adrenaline and sprint toward the end.

In truth I’m hoping all the running and Glucosamine pills I’ve been taking will help me out. I hope I don’t get a cramp and drown, but I’ve been told life guards will be on duty just for that reason, so I figured my bases are covered.

Will I win my age bracket?

Probably not.

Considering my lack of swimming, I’m just hoping I don’t end up last. That’s the goal. Do not end up last and finish the race. I know what you’re thinking, I’m a total overachiever, aiming that high and all, a regular Olympian. But that’s how I roll. And even though I am triathlon impaired during training, I’m still going all the way. It’ll just take me longer to finish. But I’ll finish.

Baby steps. Baby steps.


My Tinman Update #2

24 May

My booty muscles were not prepared.

I hadn’t ridden my Bianchi Avenue Hybrid Bike in over two years. It’s a comfort bike. It’s got a BodyFit cushioned seat. Lies. All lies. My butt was not feeling the cushiness. I had forgotten about my muscles back there. They were out of shape. I never knew my booty could be out of shape. But it was. That’s what I get for neglecting my Bianchi for that long. However, I’m sure my back-end will be fine after a couple of rides.

Image via Durtbagz.com

The sad thing is I didn’t even bike that far. Maybe like five or seven miles. I would have ridden more, my booty muscles weren’t the issue at the time. They didn’t start hurting until the next day. It was my bike. It was undergoing some technical difficulties.

Air. I needed air. There was all kinds of air outside, surrounding me, whirling about in the California sunshine, but not so much in the back tire. So my ride was cut short. I thought I had inflated it, but for some reason it was escaping.  

However regardless of the short ride, I was glad to be pedaling again. In truth I was a little scared at first. Wobbly. Trying to stay coordinated. Wondering if I was going to fall. But after the first mile, I found my biking legs again. And I truly enjoyed my surroundings.

The Lake


I forgot how awesome it was to bike around this lake, in addition to working out my quads and butt muscles. After this ride I did feel inspired to continue training. The running was getting to me. I was lacking motivation as my New Balance pounded the track. I couldn’t find the awesomeness of this preparation. However, changing it up to the bike this week seemed to help my muscles say: Woo-Hoo! Bring it, girl! We like these fresh moves. We’re finally on board. 

Even though we need more time to workout and prepare we’re on board Guat. We’re tight on time, we’re not sure we’re going to make it, but if you work us out, we’ll help you finish the race.  You’re crazy, but we’ll help you.

Even my booty was on board.

Giddy up!


My Tinman Update

18 May

Due to circumstances beyond my control — bad babysitters who tell you they’ll watch your kids and then shaft you — I wasn’t able to go to the track as often as I wanted to this week, so I had to workout the sneaky way.

Nap time and bed time.

Those were the Guat workout hours. Not ideal for triathlon training, but for now it’ll have to do. And I know that’s not the best answer. I know my body will be cursing me out during the race, telling me it’s dying and cramping up, ready to fall down and cause me pain.  And it will have every right to do so, considering the challenge I want to put it through, but hey … that’s why they got glucosamine and vitamins. And I’m stocking up.

Image via Durtbagz.com


But Nature Made pills can only get you so far. Training is training and these sad fifteen to twenty-minute intervals suck as a triathlon regiment for my thirty-six year old body, but it’s my reality and I embrace it. I’m not gonna finish first, but I am gonna finish.

So as a sad substitution for running, I’ve added the jump rope to my Tinman training. I don’t know if that will help because I’m not going to be jumping rope for three miles during the race. But jumping rope gets my heart pumping and boxers do it during their workout sessions. But as a friend pointed out: they box, not run, bike and swim. You need to be training all your running, biking and swimming body parts.

So in my search for training my running-body parts without running at the track, I came up with running up and down the stairs at home, as quietly as possible during nap time. It’s a running motion, I’m just moving vertically instead of in circles. It could work for now. My quads say it is working. Most definitely.

We’ll see how things progress during bad babysitter times.  I guess there’s nothing wrong with walking during a race, but I imagine it may be frowned upon by other runners. I mean I’m frowning right now just thinking about it … I’ve got to get better babysitters.


I Realized That Tylenol Sucks

9 May

I’m no Flo Jo, no Lance Armstrong, no Michael Phelps. I’m not in Olympic shape. I’m not in triathlon shape. I’m not even in junior high school nerd shape. I’m not swimming. I’m not biking. I’m not running. I’m barely walking.

Image via Durtbagz.com

Apparently the flu is contagious in this household, and when it’s accompanied by a fever, crankiness and the inability to perform basic functions like throwing out the trash are common side effects. So not only am I sleep deprived, but also lacking the time to tone and condition my muscles as I find myself the only capable and functioning adult in the household.

During this health conscious time, I’ve realized that Tylenol sucks. It just doesn’t work. Acetaminophen. It doesn’t matter if it sounds all fancy-SAT-like coming out of the pharmacists mouth. Acetaminophen. It still sucks. It’s supposed to relieve pain and reduce fever. Lies … all lies. I should have read the fine print more closely … It says minor aches and pains. Minor. Stuff like papercuts or hangnails, I guess.

Perhaps if I would have started the ibuprofen regiment earlier the germs would not have overpowered everyone’s immune system and I might have made time to train for the Tinman Triathlon. If this Advil for Infants and NyQuil for adults doesn’t work I may in fact come in last place at this race. I used these flu drugs before and they seem to do the trick, but it may take a while. Last place … stupid Tylenol.

Although, there’s nothing wrong with last place, but if you know you can do better … it sucks. So I hope to carve out time this weekend and begin a daily training routine to help my Guat body do well in this race.

In any case the countdown continues and I forge ahead with my plans. Once again I’m in it solo. Now, I understand why a couple of my friends were hesitant to accompany me during the Warrior Dash. That was intimating and most of them were concerned about the obstacles. But this triathlon has zero obstacles and yet again I had no takers. 

Well one friend was up for the race, but seeing how she had neck surgery just a little while ago, it might be a good idea to sit this one out until she’s recovered. The neck seems to be a vital piece of the human body. You need it to work properly. But everyone else seemed not too keen on the idea as I got no response from my email.

That’s O.K. I meet all kinds of interesting people during a race. We all sprint the straightaways. We all don’t want to get beat by the sixty-year old Ironman looking chick. We think about walking the bike up that killer hill.  And we all share the same goal: finish the race without injury.  

With the help of Advil and NyQuil the training begins. Giddy up!



I’ve Gone From Warrior to Tinman

2 May

After much searching I’ve found it. Something to bring me out of my Warrior Dash Withdrawal Funk. I mentioned it last month and now I’ve gone and did it. Another athletic adventure awaits me. I officially signed up. There’s no more thinking about it.

I wasn’t sure what else I could do to top my last adventure, because after all what can top the race with mud, sweat, obstacles, fire, and beer?

But the athlete in me needed a challenge. I couldn’t workout without any motivation, especially if it involved running. As I mentioned before, running without purpose is not for me. You know, running just for running sake? No, I need to be training for something … a race, or running away from a crazy criminal. So in an effort to remain semi-athletic, I searched for anything adventurous out there within the near future. Something out there for my Guat body to build up to, something needing glucosamine … and then I ran across this little triathlon. The Tinman.

Image via Durtbagz.com

I did it about six years ago, but I think I had more than two months back then to train … four months, no kids, and eight hours of sleep a night. Now … well now I’ve got gray hair, stress, and two extra human beings that need constant attention twenty hours a day. Well, my three-year old not so much. He sleeps at night. My ninth-month old, she extends my mom-shift well into the darkness of night and early morning. I work double shifts. I need a raise.

But regardless of my domestic engineering-motherly duties I’ve said it. It’s out in the open. Now that it’s out there in the blogosphere I must commit. The countdown is on. I got the bike out of storage, I washed my New Balance shoes, and I’m on a mission to find a urine free pool.

No obstacles this time, but there’s still a chance I could fall. It happens even when I walk. My only concern now, other than gravity working its magic, is velocity. How hard and fast can I fall from a bike? Fast enough that it would probably require an ambulance I imagine. But even with a helmet? Yeah, I’m sure it’ll hurt. But let’s not get ahead of ourselves, I just need to be careful when going downhill. Maybe I’ll watch footage of the Tour de France or maybe I’ll watch Breaking Away again. Maybe I just need to get my ass on the bike and practice going down hills. Gotta cowboy up!

Either way The Guat is in training now. I’ve gone from Warrior to Tinman. I think Warrior sounds better. Nevertheless here I come. Giddy up!