Tag Archives: teachers

Lies … More Lies

11 Mar

Easter Bunny.

Tooth Fairy.

Santa Claus.

Lies. All lies.

I know that eventually they’re gonna catch up to me and bite me in the ass. So I tend to limit these experiences for my kids. Actually I had only mentioned St. Nick and they saw the Easter Bunny at an egg hunt.

But I think it’s parent code to make up Santa Claus. I mean you’ve got to have a stocking and the whole cookies and milk thing, even if you don’t have a chimney. But I’m not so sure about the other make believe characters. Those kind of need to go through pre-parent approval, a case-by-case basis, I imagine. But as you probably guessed sometimes that doesn’t happen.

His kindergarten teacher initiated the whole tooth fairy debacle when his tooth fell out in class, and now his first grade teacher has added another.

The Leprechaun. The St. Patrick’s Day Leprechaun.

Apparently his name is Liam and we needed to build a trap for him due this Friday.

 

Leprechaun

Liam

 

I’d never built a trap for a fictitious dude before but we were to create it out of whatever household items we had on hand. Boxes, cups, colored paper, glitter, gold coins, and all that jazz. I was short on gold coins, but that’s why I love the 99 Cent store, they have everything.

During the planning phase it kind of snowballed into a big thing. My son seemed pretty excited about the whole project and his excitement escalated as our plans progressed. And I didn’t want to suck the air out of his balloon, so we found a way to make a trap that would catch this dude.

It’s not quite done, still under construction. He’s sneaky, bold, and stubborn. Nothing like The Lucky Charms dude I grew up with, who made things so magically delicious. But the thing is I knew the Lucky Charms was just a cartoon, just pretend. My teachers never elaborated and made up stories.

So I don’t know if I enjoy these extra liberties they’re taking. Just seems like more lies and more work to fix the remains of the bubble that will eventually burst. I understand that she’s trying to do something festive and fun in the classroom, but in the end it won’t be her explaining to my son that this is just another make-believe character meant to jazz up the holiday.

I mean it’s bad enough that the whole Santa Claus thing will happen and I’m preparing for that. But I’m the one who took the chance to introduce the jolly North Pole resident.

However, I didn’t O.K. Liam The Leprechaun or his trap.

Dude.

Lies … More lies.

 

 

I Thought Clothes Were Just Clothes

10 Oct

I saw the outfit in the back of the closet and it cracked me up. I hadn’t worn it in months.

Clothes. Apparently they give off a vibe. I wasn’t aware of the vibe. I thought they were just New York Lerner and Old Navy attire. Simple blacks, blues, and grays. Kind of a Meg-RyanYou’ve-Got-Mail wardrobe, but with a lot of short sleeves. It was California. But these were not just clothes, these were vibe givers.

Now as you can tell I not a Project Runway kind of chick. People spend two hundred dollars on one outfit or one purse. I’d rather spend that money on luxury box seats to a game or concert. Maybe an awesome helicopter adventure. But on clothes … not so much. They were work clothes and worked sucked. I didn’t need to look fancy great, I just needed to look clean and neat.

Why the not-so-fancy attitude?

Back in the day I was a middle school substitute teacher. Thrilling, I know. I had a regular school where I was often called on for special assignments, like state testing, library, or dean’s office. Now while I was there I realized that there were three kinds of teachers at that school. The ones rocking high-heels with suits, the ones sporting the New York Lerner Style, and the ones who thought casual Friday happened five days a week, with their wrinkled clothes, ragged jeans, and flip-flops.

You got to know these people pretty well if you had a regular assignment. And I did. During these on-going months I got to know the entire staff, the walkie-talkie people, the coordinators, and a few teachers. I made lunch friends.

image via nova.saisd.net

However even if they’re your lunch friends, you don’t get into your personal life right away. You sort of ease into it. So for months I hadn’t mentioned that I had a boyfriend. It just never came up in conversation and no one really asked me, until I heard about the “If-you-had-to-go-out-with-somebody-from-school-who-would-it-be game.”

I had never heard of this game, but apparently it was played often when alcohol was involved. Something the teachers and coordinators did regularly.

Now apparently my name had come up a few times and I was completely unaware of this secret I’d-go-out-with-the-Guat game, until I was asked to go out for drinks with the girls. There we were hanging out and then I was finally asked in a nonchalant kind of way if I was attached. I had mentioned that I was seeing someone.

“What’s her name?” They asked.

“Her name? What do you mean?”

“Um … Nothing. I meant his name.”

I told them his name and we chatted a bit more had a few drinks and then went on our way.

A few weeks later I asked one of the teachers at the girls night out why they had asked me if I was dating a chick.

“We just thought you were playing for the other team.”

“Oh. Why would you think that?” I said feeling like Jerry Seinfeld in his ever so popular not-that-there’s-anything-wrong-with-that skit.

“I guess you just gave off a vibe.”

“A vibe?”

“Yeah the way you dress with your outfits, always hanging around with the girls, and the fact that you never mentioned a dude this whole time. You were sort of on the ‘gay-dar’… but still a mystery.”

I was surprised. I didn’t know I was giving off any type of vibe. I thought clothes were just clothes. But I thought it was funny. I’d never been an object of affection. A hot object of affection …

“Yeah when CiCi found out you didn’t play for her team she was a little disappointed.”

“Why? What’d she say?”

“When we told her you had a boyfriend she stood quiet for a moment and then shook her head and said ‘Oh the whole gay community is going to take a moment of silence on that one.'”

All of this due to a wardrobe malfunction. Who would have thought it … Old Navy? Hmph. I thought clothes were just clothes.

I’m Sorry What Was That?

7 Mar

I was sitting on the couch trying to unwind from my marathon of a day — 13 fun-filled hours of quality time with my three-year old and seven-month old kids. I began digging into my rocky road ice cream as I surfed the channels. Then, I heard it:  “…Teacher by day, porn star by night tune in at eleven.”

I’m sorry what?

Teacher and porn star?

English: teacher

Image via Wikipedia

I know some guys are like …whoa … fantasy. But I don’t know who has the energy to do both of those jobs. I understand the need to supplement income as a teacher, but dude … seriously, start off pole dancing under an assumed name first.

I mean how did the school or anyone find out. I’m sure some horny teenager or their dad caught the live action, but how did they report it.

“Hey I was accidentally watching this box of porn and I noticed my son’s teacher was the star.” How did that conversation happen?

Not to mention how the teacher must’ve felt when kids were watching her film on their cell phones during nutrition and lunch. I bet the dean’s office was busy that day.

I’ve been in the teaching business — the middle school and high school phases of educating young minds — and it sucks. I know Whitney and her “I-believe-that-children-are-our-future” belief, but have you been in the class with thirty of these pimples? After three weeks, you’re getting a monogrammed flask to keep in your desk drawer. I did not have “the calling.” Don’t get me wrong, I was good at the job and got plenty offers to extend my stay, but it wasn’t for me. But that didn’t mean I was off to try my stint in porn either.

Some are great kids, granted. But that’s some. Not all. Some, which makes it easy to understand why so many educators feel underpaid and unappreciated. But that’s no a reason to delve into the Boogie Nights lifestyle. I mean seriously, pick one or the other.

 I don’t know. If I were a porn star I would probably be hanging with my porn star friends, not having teacher conferences, creating lesson plans, or grading papers. I don’t know, she must really love teaching.  It’s like actors, writers or musicians. We need side jobs, like waitressing, to supplement our dream jobs.  But I’ve never heard of porn being supplemental income, generally it’s primary income.

I don’t know, that’s just me. I could be wrong though.

But after her administrative leave assignment from the school district, I don’t think she’s going to be doing much lesson planning and test grading. In fact I think this semester her calendar is pretty much wide open.

I don’t know, I could be wrong. She may have other jobs too.