This Explains A Lot

 

Image via LeFunny.net

 

 

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Getting side tracked

You ever go to bed at night with all these plans and energy for the morning, like you have Tony Robbins on speed dial? But after your potty-training son has multiple accidents on the bed and your five-month old decided to say “hey mom what’s up?” at one…three…and six in the morning you feel like you barely own enough energy to put on your back brace.   

Ugh.

I was ready to tackle that Warrior Dash workout this morning and then ended up with a crazy backache. I don’t understand how that happens. You go to bed all comfy cozy on your Serta mattress and wake up as if you moved ten pianos.

The answer? You slept wrong. How is it that you can sleep wrong? I mean how does that happen? I’ve been sleeping for thirty-five years and for some reason in the middle of the night my body defies the laws of Serta, Simmons, and Sealy sleeping logic, and I awake needing Ben-Gay. The mattress didn’t wake me up and smack me, my body just decided all on its own to do the wrong thing and the sleeping deprivation provided by kids didn’t help me much.

Then you turn to the next logical culprit: the pillow. Must be…had to be…those are the only two things contributing to your sleep. But let’s stop playing these games. It’s not the pillow. It’s you. You’ve owned this pillow anywhere from six months to a year…it has your head print there. It knows where your head belongs. It’s you. You’re old. You got the wear and tear. You malfunction in the middle of the night like a bad can opener at a tailgate. Not cool, man. Moms need sleep.

So how did I train today…I walked two miles and did ten push ups. What’s up with that? I’m not a warrior, I’m a peasant. Walked. They say walking is as effective as running and better for your knees. I should get that printed on a shirt and wear it on race day. Things will get better tomorrow…if that doesn’t work…Ibuprofen baby. Ben-Gay and Ibuprofen. Giddy up!