Tag Archives: serenity now

My Vocabulary Isn’t Big Enough …

17 Oct

You just don’t have a big enough vocabulary to express what you want to say … let’s see if we can fix that.

That’s something I used to constantly share with kids whenever I heard them use profanity to describe someone or something.

It’s no surprise that in middle school I said this at least once a day. You see, back in the day when I was going to grad school and working, one of my jobs was substitute teaching. Middle school.

Sixth. Seventh. And eighth grades

I know. I know.

Best job for writing material ever.

Anyhow, I recently thought about this quote when I encountered a problem with someone. I could feel the anger rising to the surface and the need to just release all kinds of profanity. The anger about the incident, about their massive inconsiderate behavior, about the level of hypocrisy just enraged me. I was ready to let loose the large range of inappropriate vocabulary I had stored in my vault. Both in English and Spanish.

However … the decent person inside me took a moment.

The need not to escalate the situation appeared to surface somewhere in my brain. I thought about being the “bigger person” … again. I feel like my whole life I’ve always had to be the “bigger person” just to have some sense of peace in my existence. So I refrained from letting loose.

But there are times, and I strongly feel like this was one of them, that letting the explicit language rain d0wn was a necessity. Not only for the informative purposes of the jackass who caused these feelings, but just for the mental sanity of the injured — myself.

I look at this situation and all the anger and frustration that I have, builds up, ready to explode, and I just think …

MAN! My vocabulary is just not big enough to handle this person or situation right now.

I mean I try not to have too many moments like that … little things like traffic, bad drivers, bad service at a restaurant, someone cutting in line, people at the DMV, or someone taking my parking space,  get me all crazy. Stuff that isn’t going to matter five days, five months, or five years from now doesn’t seem like it’s worth all that heat.

But if it does meet that five day, five month, five year requirement … I believe profanity should rain down freely. I mean I should be all right, but usually a thing like respect and being a decent person make me change my mind. And the whole conversation just drains me. I feel emotionally exhausted and defeated because apparently sometimes they don’t share the same ideals on decency as me. They begin with low blows, at which point I just have to walk away because at that point I know … I know that my vocabulary just isn’t big enough to deal with certain people.

But once I hang up the phone, or walk away from the encounter, and I’m alone with the punching bag and gloves, the conversations I have with myself  are not PG-13. And I forget that I have a limited vocabulary when it comes to certain people or certain situations.

And I’m O.K. with that. I mean for my own sanity I’m O.K. with that.

 

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Weekly Photo Challenge: Serenity

21 Jan

 

Serenity Now!

Serenity Now!

 

Always thinking of the Costanzas when I think of serenity.

 

 

Weekly Photo Challenge courtesy of Daily Post.

 

Daily Prompt Challenge: Oasis

4 Dec

Everyone gets to a point where they can’t take it sometimes. Serenity, now! Right?

As a parent this happens on a daily basis, usually around eight o’clock when you’re done for the day and just want everyone to go to sleep. It’s been a long one so you can’t handle another question about dinosaurs, the Sprout Channel, Curious George, or the universe in general. You don’t want to deal with the battle of the pajamas — basketball pajamas vs. football pajamas. You hope that you don’t have anymore Palmolive Dishwashing Soap because you’ve washed three sinks full of dishes and you so don’t want to have to wash that last Dr. Brown bottle of the night. And by the time you think you’re done with your 14-hour shift you find a fleet of toys sprawled across the floor and your dude walks in and thinks this is an all-night diner.

Dude … Sanctuary. You need it. You require it. And although I’d like the beach to be my oasis because I feel such peace and relaxation when I’m there, the forty-minute drive would probably just add more stress. The sanctuary I turn to when I need an immediate time-out, a deep breath moment, a time to center myself and keep me from throwing a George Costanza kind of fit … the bathroom.

It’s not much, I know. But it’s the only space I’ve got. And it has a lock. It’s there: morning, noon, and night. But these meltdowns usually happen at night so I turn to the bathroom for sanctuary. If my meltdown happened during the day I could get out and bike to the lake. But for the times when I can’t escape … the bathroom. The bathroom becomes my oasis.

It’s quiet. I can light candles if I want to, but I like to sit on the floor in the dark. After a couple of moments I take the photo album out from under the sink and place it on top of the toilet. I fill the bathtub with some hot water, pour in the bath salts, and step in.

I have my little Calgon moment without the bubbles. Water seems to calm me. I don’t know why, I’m a Leo, I should be running around clawing somebody. But nevertheless my makeshift pool accompanied by some tunes, usually country music, helps me out.

 

 

 

I reach for the photo album  and scan through my pictures of Uluru, Australia. I don’t know what it is about that rock, or the awesome peace and spirituality I felt when I was there, but I try to relive it while soaking in the tub. I try to remember that awesomeness of the trip and most of the time it works. Most of the time I catch my breath. Most of the time I see myself on the trip. I see myself sitting in front of the rock. I see myself at peace. I feel my spirit coming back. I’m reminded of the person I was when I was on that adventure and it feels good.

Serenity feels good. 

 

This challenge brought to you courtesy of the Daily Prompt.