Tag Archives: pinatas

The 12-Step Program

19 May

Every mom and wife on Earth knows exactly what I’m talking about when I say The 12-Step Program.

Other than the two steps you take to get out of bed, these are the 12 most important steps you’ll take in the day.

You’re stressed out. Upset. Frustrated. Angry. Irritated. Maybe even hostile. A series of unfortunate effects has led you to this current state of angst and normally getting your shirt caught on the door and tearing the pocket wouldn’t burn you out, but with everything building up, it just tips you over. It could be anything or anyone really that sets you off. Usually it’s one of three: kids, mother (mother-in-law), or dude. Anyone of these could put you on the verge of starring in your own episode of Oxygen’s Snapped!

You’re ready to burst, but you don’t have the time or privacy to take part in the emotional breakdown you need or deserve.

You’re at the CVS parking lot. You’re in front of the church. You’re on the streets of downtown putting some money in the meter.

Could happen anywhere.

So what do you do when there’s no chocolate in sight?


This is how long it takes me to walk from the passenger side of my truck to the driver’s side. 12-steps.



I can’t tell you how awesome these 12 steps have been in my lifetime. I think they’ve helped me avoid numerous public breakdowns.

I was reminded of them this weekend as I saw a mom unloading her vehicle with party supplies at the park. It must have been her daughter’s birthday party because as she was packing everything in I could hear the whining and just as she closed the door a couple of balloons escaped and you heard the kids losing it and the mom hitting her breaking point. She looked like she needed to beat the crap out of that pinata.

She put her forehead up against the car … and I knew.

Yeah I knew that feeling I’ve had it plenty of times before.

12 steps. Take the 12 steps.  She stood there defeated. Maybe she didn’t know.

12 steps.

You exhale.

You breathe.

You probably pull out some of the most foul profanity in your vocabulary and then you breathe again.

You ask the universe to give you peace and just let you get through the rest of the day without killing someone.

You talk to yourself and try to be the best psychologist you can be.

You breathe some more because apparently oxygen helps calms you down.

You tell yourself you can do it, there are only a couple more hours left.

As you continue walking around your car you tell yourself that where you are now is not where you’re gonna be at the end of the day.

You keep breathing and finally making it to the driver’s side. You tell yourself things could be worse, you don’t know how, but they could. So you take another breath and try to forget about what just happened. You think of a time or place that’s made you feel like you were in that Pharrell Williams’s Happy video. For me it’s Australia. You close your eyes and see it. You take one last breath and then open the door.

These are the best 12 steps I take in my New Balance all day.

Although sometimes … sometimes you need to do it twice before you actually get in the car.






Kids and Their Pinata Moment

19 May

It happens like in ten seconds. But it’s the best ten seconds of their day, well that is until the scramble to fill bags. 

They wait anxiously for their turn. They’re giddy. They get to the front of the line and they look on nervously. They smile once the bat or stick is in their hands. They stand firm, look around for the O.K. and then let loose.

They begin beating the crap out of the superhero, the train, the cartoon character, the star with flying streamers, the oversized number, or the sports ball.


They are the highlight of the day. Some even have their own song … Dale, dale, dale no pierdas el tiro …  Other times they get a countdown. But regardless of how it happens the kids love it. The parents love it too…that is until the candy starts to trickle.

This is what happened today. We were at another birthday party this weekend and it was filled with awesomeness for the kids. A jumper with a slide. Swings. A rock climbing wall and slide. Hot dogs. Mac and Cheese. Nachos. And cupcakes. Many cupcakes.

Kids were running around having a great time and then it was pinata time. All playing ceased. Everyone got in line, without being told to do so and after being re-arranged by height the pinata bashing began.

It was great toward the beginning when the two and three-year olds were bashing in the Spylanders Spyro Adventure  character. But once a dent was made in the pinata and candy slowly trickled two-pieces at a time, it became the oh-my-God moments for the parents — as in oh-my-God I hope my kid’s head doesn’t get whacked in an effort to pick up some Laffy Taffy.

Pinata Time

When kids are in their pinata moment they hear you, but they’re not listening. So as the older kid smashes and bashes the pinata the Reeses Pieces, MilkyWays and Jolly Ranchers begin making their debut appearances. Now the four-year olds and three-year olds stand back because for some reason and rightfully so, they fear the bat and the pain it could cause. But the older kids the seven, eight and nine-year olds think they are invincible.

You hear parents screaming: Wait! Wait!

But kids don’t wait when Skittles and M&Ms are within arm’s reach. So they tell the kid with the bat Stop! STOP! … but he doesn’t quite stop in time.

Those close calls unite all parents and everyone is on high alert, grabbing any kid that wants to cross the point of no return.

So as another kid grabs the bat a parent says: “When we say stop, make sure you stop, O.K?”

Lemonheads and Twizzlers falling out. STOP! STOP! But Jose Canseco is still swinging away wildly, nearly decapitating some kid. This repeated several times until the pinata completely broke, stressing out all the parents. But once the candy rained down a sigh of relief from all the parents and yells of excitement from all the kids as they filled up their goody bags.

Kids … Sometimes there’s no getting in between kids and their pinata moments.