Tag Archives: Jerry Seinfeld

Relationship Advice … Costanza Style

25 Feb

 

Costanza Wisdom

Costanza Wisdom

 

 

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It’s B.B.O.

11 Feb

I was channeling all my Columbo powers, but for some reason it wasn’t happening.

I looked behind the seats, under the driver seats, and in the cracks of every cushion. But I got nothing.

I had no idea where it was, but I knew it was there.

I tried to air it out by leaving the windows and doors open for a couple of hours, but the next day it just came back again. As soon as I opened the door, it smacked me in the face. I had it. I don’t know how I got it. But I did. I had it.

B.O.

 

 

 

Bad Odor.

But not just regular B.O. it was as my good friend George Costanza says Beyond B.O. it was B.B.O.

And I didn’t know why.

I keep my dad’s truck in good condition, and  wash it about once a week. If the kids ever eat anything in there I make sure there is no trash or crumbs. I thought for some reason I had missed something, but no I didn’t. No matter where I looked, I couldn’t seem to find it. And then as I tried to rush the airing out process I turned on the air conditioner and there it was … the smell.

I had found the B.O.

It was caught in the air vents.

It was coming from the engine.

I thought I was glad to have found the source, until I found out what it really was … a rat.

A dead rat.

The bastard had made its way into the engine somewhere and got trapped.

Dude.

It was one of the most disgusting and foul episodes I’ve had so far.

After being completely grossed out and having it removed, I aired it out for 24 hours.

It still smelled.

It still smelled.

I might give it another day of air, before turning to more drastic measures.

I feel like Jerry Seinfeld when he couldn’t get rid of the B.O. in his car. The B.O. from the valet, that contaminated every part of the car including the people who were in it. Poor Elaine, she had to put tomato juice in her hair.

I feel like I need ten gallons of tomato juice.

Wish me luck.

 

He Was One of The Best Storytellers I knew …

28 Jan

 

george-costanza

George Costanza

 

 

Love … Costanza Style

12 Feb

 

Image via TBS.com

Image via TBS.com

 

Just in case some of you forgot that the biggest love day on Earth is set to take place on Friday, thought I share some Costanza wisdom with you.

 

Getting In The Spirit!

23 Dec

 

festivus

🙂

Getting in tune with my inner George wanted to make sure I spread the holiday cheer. Happy Festivus people.

You Gotta Love George

22 Jul

 

:)

🙂

 

Whenever I need a laugh I know I can count on George … he sees things from a different perspective.

 

 

Jerry’s Definition Rocks …

12 Jul
:)

🙂

 

 

Jerry Understands That Relationships Are Tough

20 Jun

 

 

Image via LeFunny.net

Image via LeFunny.net

 

Sticking to Jerry’s Code

30 Sep

It’s the code.

Guys and chicks. They both have it. Everyone everywhere has it. Whether you’re some college chick at a coffeehouse or a forty-three year old dude at a party. You have it.

What’s the code?

JerryJerry Seinfeld does a great job of explaining it in the episode “The Stranded,” where Jerry, George, and Elaine go out to a party, away from the city all the way in Long Island. George begins talking to this lady from work. And this is what happens.

Jerry and George and The Code

 

Jerry:  You ready?
George:  Listen, I have a tremendous favor to ask.
Jerry:  I do favors.
George:  I think something’s happening here.
Jerry:  What?
George:  I think she wants me to take her home.
Jerry:  Wow.
George:  What should I do?
Jerry:  Go!  What could you do?
George:  What about you and Elaine?
Jerry:  We’ll get a ride.
George:  Are you sure?  …

Elaine finds out about The Code

Jerry:  Listen, George is going home with this Ava from his office.
Elaine:  Really?  Huh.  What a world.  So we can go now?
Jerry:  Uh, no, he’s taking the car.
Elaine:  Well, what are we gonna do for a ride?
Jerry:  I don’t know.
Elaine:  You don’t know!
Jerry:  Maybe Kramer can come pick us up.
Elaine:  Oh great, oh, this is great.  How could you let him take the car?
Jerry:  There’s nothing I could do, it’s part of the code.

The code. It often involves first base, second base, third base or just an all-around home run in the relations department, and of course shafting your friends and letting them fend for themselves if you’re the one with the car. This is probably why you should always have a bus pass, an extra 2o in your pocket, and an emergency back-up ride. You know, when hormones get in the way.

This is the code. However sometimes girls think a little differently. They’re more of the protective-we’re-going-to-stick-together-I-don’t-want-you-to-make-a-drunken-mistake type of code. This is something I followed pretty much most of my life. When your friend is a little inebriated and someone is making the moves on her, you have to gauge the situation. If you look at your friend and think she can get a DUI, you may step in and assess the situation. Perhaps her hanging-out with-guys judgement is severely impaired. I mean if she can’t drive how can she assess Mr. Miller Light over there, right? So you think you’re doing her a favor. If you don’t,  she may wake up the next day and say … what the hell? How come you didn’t pull me out of there?

However sometimes it backfires, which it did with me in college. I never meant to impede anybody from getting their groove on, but apparently things were fine and I just misread the signals.

Ever since this little episode, I have stuck with the Jerry version of The Code. I got an extra 20 in my wallet and an emergency back up ride. Bus passes? Dude. Public transportation at night sucks. Daylight hours seem to work well. So I stick to Jerry’s code, unless my friend is giving me the obvious “help-me-this-guy-is-creepy” signal, I stay away.

Jerry’s code proved to help me out when I recently went out with a couple of high school buddies that I hadn’t seen in a while.

As we were eating, one of my old buddies decided to go to the bar for refills. She was still pretty good-looking, so she had admirers. As she was developing a full-on conversation about who knows what, my other friend commented that she might go over to the bar, just in case our friend needed help.

I asked her if our bar friend had given her the “help-me’ signal. And she said no. I tried to convince her to stay, but she insisted. So off she went to help our friend, but apparently that didn’t work out.

The dude ended up being really interested in my savior friend. He became the restaurant stalker. The dude that stares at you and doesn’t really let you enjoy your meal. The kind that sends over drinks, but you’re not really sure you want to drink them, because you didn’t see the The Mixologist behind the bar make the drinks. The kind that “accidentally” bumps into you as you’re leaving the bathroom. The kind that gives you his card with his cell phone, work phone, and home phone numbers, even though you told him you were married. But he gives it to you just in case. The kind that doesn’t finish his meal, but pays his check just so he can walk out at the same time you guys do.

Yeah … the restaurant stalker. I think he changed her mind about the code. I think she’s a Jerry Code believer now.

 

 

Weekly Photo Challenge: Hands

22 May

Jerry and his date.

 

Hands.

You go out on a date.

She’s got awesome eyes.

She’s attractive.

She’s smart.

She’s a great conversationalist.

She’s funny.

But then you see it …

She’s got Man Hands.

They’re bigger than yours.

They’re stronger than yours.

They’re like Andre The Giant‘s, they open your beer bottles, and crack open your lobster.

The date goes downhill.

Why?

Hands.

Man Hands.