Tag Archives: Humour

It Called Thanksgiving … Not Christmas Shopping Season

8 Nov

Dear Department Stores and The Rest of the Shopping World,

What’s a matter with you? Have forgotten the purpose of November? Have you forgotten about dysfunctional families, mashed potatoes, and green bean casserole? Have you forgotten about the roasting, the baking, or the deep-frying? Have you forgotten about the weeklong marathon cooking shows on the Food Network … it’s like their Shark Week. Have you forgotten the awesomeness of leftovers and football? Have you forgotten it’s the only holiday where you can unbutton your pants at the table and nobody cares, because they’ve done it too? Have you forgotten about the tastiness of turkey and ham?

Yeah … yeah you have and as a Thanksgiving enthusiast I feel the need to remind you of your error. I’ve seen the decorations, you know. I’ve seen the commercials for shopping. There is no longer a Black Friday, you’ve started planning your greed fest for Thanksgiving day!

Charlie Brown would be very upset. And Lucy would kick your ass.

Dude.

What the hell?

This night is meant for dysfunctional families everywhere to swim in the tension-filled pool of family dinner and uncomfortable conversation that only wine and football can cure. It’s only one night a year, just one night where it all hits the fan. You cannot possibly choose greed over drama.

It builds no character.

Thanksgiving. It’s the holiday of resilience. If you survive this you can do anything. Survivors of this holiday go on to do great things.

:)

🙂

But in truth not all Thanksgivings are tranquilizer worthy … Most of the time the drama settles and the holiday becomes one where you appreciate family, even the crazy ones. You appreciate your blessings. You give thanks and you hope Charlie Brown gets a chance to kick the football. It’s a holiday worthy of its own decorations. It’s a holiday that should not be overlooked or dismissed. It’s not one to be overshadowed by reindeer, fake snow, and Santa Claus.

So get a grip people and embrace the love of turkey. Put out your gobble-gobble decorations and feel the love. I know I will.

 

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The Death of Chips

5 Nov

Dear Corinthians Love is Kind Chic,

I don’t know what to tell you … Maybe you just know love during the cloud-nine stages.

Maybe you need a refresher course on how to survive love taught by the genius comedy kings  Louis CK and Chris Rock. Maybe there’s a reason why your love is kind theory isn’t on family newsletters, because after all family includes mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters, and in-laws. Love needs a different speech for this particular subset group. Maybe you need to update your whole schpeel because when I see this in my household …

 

Do you see what's wrong with this picture?

Do you see what’s wrong with this picture?

 

… love is not kind or patient. It is easily angered and irritable after a long day.

This sort of catastrophe happens all the time and it boggles the mind. Love does not conquer the breakage of vacuum sealed. I mean for crying out loud nitrogen is added to help preserve and protect these chips. Vacuum sealed needs protection to survive. Once this seal is broken the freshness itself escapes and you must do your best to combat staleness. You must!

I know you know. Everyone knows.

Yet this still seems to happen to cereals, pretzels, Goldfishes, Ritz crackers, graham crackers and the Almighty Pirate Booty. The death of vacuum sealed burns me out. The death of chips burns me out as does leaving the cap off the toothpaste, playing Tetris with the garbage can so you don’t have to throw it out, spilling stuff in the fridge and then mysteriously not knowing why it’s dirty. This is not what love is about. This is not kind, or patient. This is does not bear all. This does not endure all kinds of things behavior. This type of behavior results in episodes of Oxygen’s Snapped!

So Corinthians Love is Kind Chic … it’s time for a rewrite.

But wait!

Now that I think of it, you might be a dude, because only a dude would leave out finite details of this nature from the very most important love/marriage speech and still expect patience.

People. Be warned: bags will not be sealed even if they have Ziploc capacities, toothpaste will runneth over and dry out, trash will be piled high and even when taken out the bag will not be replaced, empty toilet paper rolls will suffer the same fate, cupboard doors will remain wide open so that you can smack yourself in the face, juices will be spilled and refrigerators will become sticky with no owners to claim the mess.

This is a part of love. Marriage love, partner love, family love. Be warned … Corinthians lied. There’s anger, irritability, and record of wrongs. So check yourself.

 

One Of The Reasons Why Chocolate Is So Awesome

4 Nov
Image via LeFunny.net

Image via LeFunny.net

 

 

If you’re a writer with rejection letters …

If you’re a parent having one of those days …

If you’re a chic with dude problems …

Chocolate understands.

 

 

Daily Prompt: Funny Ha-Ha … It’s My Compass

27 Aug

Funny.

I thank it for being the weapon to my survival.

It’s one of my best qualities. I think it raises the point level on my chick-o-meter. Otherwise I’d probably just be average. But the thing is I’m not hilarious-stand up comedy type of funny. I’m more of a situational humorist — the kind that finds funny or at least tries to find the funny in disastrous, hopeless, ridiculous situations.

:)

🙂

I mean when you’re the only person in the Lamaze class that states with absolutely certainty that you’re gonna get the drugs as soon as you walk through the hospital doors, but when the time comes you realize that your particular labor is quick and by the time you arrive apparently you are at the point of no return.

No drugs.

You have to find the humor in that, maybe not at that instance but shortly thereafter when you’re cursing up a storm in a catholic hospital, that’s got to be a ha-ha moment.

When you’re sitting in your shrink’s office and she says:

“Sorry I don’t think this is working out.”

Dude. You realize that she just gave you the it’s-not-you-it’s-me speech. How do you go about dealing with the fact that your shrink broke up with you? I mean who does that happen to?

Me.

It happens to people like me. So instead of drowning in sorrows thinking I’m beyond help, or jumping off a bridge, I write a short story about it and try to find the humor in being dumped by a therapist. Ha-ha moment indeed.

Perhaps the ha-ha’s extend to situations beyond just me, where I can find funny in uncomfortable situations that I unknowingly ignited. Just like the time where I got a new job and had been working there for about six months before I met a guy who I thought was great. Super cool. I thought he was so great that I set him up with my old high-school friend. I was proud to have been a successful matchmaker, only to accidentally realize that the reason he’d been off from work for a week was because he was on his honeymoon. Yeah, after the shock wore off I found my matchmaking skills to be quite humorous.

Even in the face of death, I found a ha-ha moment. And I really shouldn’t have. Facing near death should really scare the crap out of you, but I found that almost choking to death on a Pinkberry Frozen Yogurt topping and then peeing on myself in public while I was trying to cough my way back to life might have been pretty amusing. Or perhaps macing myself in the middle of the night on a dark street on the way back from the library during my college days would have required a little ha-ha in order to get passed the stupidity of it all.

Did I mention I’m a mom? Yeah.

Mother of two.

You need humor to get you through the day. Parenting, although joyous, stresses you out. You get to know the word weary. I never knew weary until I was a parent, so humor helps me get through parenthood, as does chocolate and a nice glass of Framboise.

Yes.

Funny does play an important role in my life. I find that humor is the compass that keeps me grounded. It’s my Wish Factor … The Wish Factor. The X Factor. It’s that thing that keeps me from falling apart sometimes. It’s the thing that helps withstand the George Costanza phase of my current existence. It’s the thing that makes life less crappy, because on any given day you never know what funny can do. Funny is the thing. It makes survival possible. It makes life more enjoyable. That’s what funny does for me.

But aside from making myself laugh, who is the funniest person I know?

My college comadres crack me up. It’s a cohesive effort where everyone feeds off each other and the laughter abounds. A day with them ends up being good for my soul.

The funniest person on TV that cracks me up?

I’ve got many, but Jason Bateman, Jimmy Fallon, Louis C.K., Jerry Seinfeld, and Melissa McCarthy seem to rock my boat whenever it’s enduring a perfect storm.

Yup. Funny … It’s my compass.