I Laced Up My Shoes and I Kept Walking … I Hung in There

Having someone point out your flaws and make you feel pretty crappy on a day where love is supposed to be everywhere kind of sucked.

Mornings like that should be reserved for times when you have strength overflowing and your feel good-song constantly replays in your mind.

All this love was going around, everyone exchanging flowers, and balloons and chocolate and someone was pointing out that I yelled at my kids four times to listen and follow directions … It was pointed out to me that it wasn’t a good thing to be that kind of parent, or person.

You know, I know that sometimes my patience runs out and if my life would have turned out the way I imagined maybe there’d be less frustration when things went haywire. But it’s something I’m fully aware of … I’m mindful not to yell at my kids for no reason. I grew up with unecessary yelling and scolding, so I make it a point to not do that. I’m very aware of what that does to a kid. So I know I’m not angry all the time and I didn’t appreciate someone painting me that way.

People see you in a moment of frustration and they know you’re having a bad moment and they use it against you. They lay things out there and judge you when you’re drowning. And the thing is … They know you. They knoooooow you and yet they say something like that, something that just feels like a punch in the stomach.

It was pretty sucky, having that feeling all day.

But then I went to get my kids Valentine’s Day cards and I found something that made me smile.  A valentine I could have gotten for myself, or just an everyday card. Something that my dad might have gotten for me, and I found the grace I needed to move on.

 

 

I laced up my shoes and I kept walking. One foot in front of the other.

Buen Camino my friends.

 

 

 

 

 

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Signs … They’re Everywhere …

Just when you’re feeling tired …

Just when you’re feeling emotionally exhausted …

Just when you’re all out of grace …

You walk into the frozen yogurt place you don’t want to walk into, but you do it anyway because promised your kids you would and then bam! The universe gives you a little sign, a little help, a little wink to let you know … to remind you of the little things that can make people happy. Little things that can make you smile. Little things that can make you chuckle. Little things that can create a happiness spark that will eventually snowball into something bigger.

Signs. They’re everywhere. Just got to remember to print this one out and post it on my own door.

 

🙂

 

 

 

 

It Was a Tag Team Effort Tuesday & 99 Cent Store 1 … Guat 0

I can’t remember the last time I got my ass kicked…

I’m a Hapkido brown belt … stuff like that shouldn’t ever happened to me unless I encounter a red belt or a black belt. I shouldn’t find myself in a situation where I’m thinking “how the hell did this happen to me?!”

Yup.

There I was sitting on the curb contemplating this ass-beating and thinking … yup Tuesday is upping its game in the suck-o-meter. I mean they must have considering Monday doesn’t suck any more on account of X-Files being back and all … what does Tuesday have?

Nothing but an ass beating for Guat.

But I have to say my beloved, but now not so beloved 99-Cent Store played a huge roll in the knockout round. I think they tagged-teamed me, and all of this started because of chocolate.

I know right?

Kellogg’s decided to come out with a new product … NutriGrain Breakfast Biscuits Chocolate Chip Edition.

Freakin’ Kryptonite.

When I saw 40 boxes of these at the 99 Cent Store I bought one box just to try them out and see if the kids would enjoy them. Sometimes nutritious people with good intentions do bad things to chocolate, so I got one box. They ended up being awesome! It was a total success, so I decided to return …

… scene of the crime … where the beatings took place.

Two days later I found myself battling for a parking spot in the overcrowded 99 Cent Store. I couldn’t find any spots, so I decided to park on the street and use the meter. The nickels, dimes and one quarter in my ash tray bought me 24 minutes. Score. I set the timer and walked in with 20 bucks ready to clean out what they had, I found one box left. One.

I searched all the aisles but couldn’t find anything and seeing how my time was going to expire soon I thought I’d pay for my one box plus bath essentials and go home. One checker and a long line. So I waited. As I walked out the door and headed to my car, I checked my timer I was at 25:13. I looked up … there was a $68 dollar parking ticket waiting for me and the meter maid driving off.

Burn.

A couple of hours later after rebounding from that smack in the face, I saw another 99 Cent Store on the way to pick up my kid from school, I thought well maybe they’ll have some NutriGrain Breakfast Biscuits Chocolate Edition. So I stopped by, parking in the lot this time. I found a space way in the back far from any freakin’ parking meter.

After an exhaustive search I found nothing and decided to be grateful for the one box I had found at the other store. Got in my car, backed out of my space, put the car in drive and just as I was about to turn left …

Some chick, Mary Joe apparently because we had to introduce ourselves, decided to back out of her parking space without even looking in the mirror, or over her shoulder, and backed into my passenger side.

Burn.

It wasn’t of T-Bone accident proportions, minor stuff but it still sucked. That whole let’s change insurance cards-it doesn’t look that bad-you should have been more careful-can I see your driver’s license-I don’t think we should get the insurance involved it’ll just raise our rates-conversation sucked.

So after this one-two punch combination that the 99 Cent Store laid on me, I battled the PTA moms for parking at the school and picked up my kids. I drove home feeling sick to my stomach.

Literally.

I had to pull over and throw up on someone’s curb and in the midst of this health crisis my son asks …

What are doing out there?

I just need a minute I’m not feeling good.

Why don’t you get some medicine from the 99 Cent Store, it’s just a couple blocks from the house.

Dude …

Tuesday & 99 Cent Store 1 … Guat 0.

.

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I Was Reminded How Awesome I Am

🙂

 

I had forgotten my awesomeness.

Whenever you’re going through a rough patch, during the quiet moments of the night, you don’t feel like yourself. You don’t see yourself. You stick to distractions and try to picture who you used to be. Most of the time when you’re in this state construction you don’t see it. All you see are the bits and pieces. But then someone that matters, someone that always sees you the way you want to be seen, says something and it clicks.

You have that oh-yeah moment.

I originally saw this image on Diary of a Quirky Girl’s website. I thought to myself this is totally my son … this is totally my daughter. They are awesome. And as I was printing it out, my son noticed it and smiled.

I read it to him and he said …”Mom, you’re pretty awesome too.”

Dude.

Yeah.

Yeah … that’s me in this picture.

 

 

Shark Week And Little Miracles

This weekend I had one of those the door-slammed-shut-so-look-out-the-window life experiences.

Let me tell you … those suck.

Now normally these frustrating learning experiences revolve around my career or struggle for it. But for some reason life decided to expand its parameters and take a shot at me on a personal level too. It knocked me out in the twelfth round. But no worries … I’m a brown belt, right? Only two belts away from being considered a black belt, a lethal weapon, so I figured I could dig deep inside and find something to pull me out.

But the thing about these check-the-window-because-the-door-is-closed experiences is that not only do they make you sad, they make you upset too. You’re a whole ball of emotions and you’re trying to think rationally, but that never works. You don’t have ration when crises take place. You always need to take a breath. So during my breathing moment I remembered the awesome, wise words of Jax Teller from Sons of Anarchy.

“…That which doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger. I don’t believe that. I think  the things that try to kill you make you angry and sad. Strength comes from the  good things – your family, your friends, the satisfaction of hard work. Those  are the things that’ll keep you whole. Those are the things to hold on to when  you’re broken.”

Yeah he was right. I was angry and sad at the same time, not a good combination to be walking around with in public. These kind of emotions should be held in private over a couple of pints of Ben &Jerry’s. But with two kids, the daylight hours don’t give you the time to drown your sorrows in chocolate. So I grabbed hold of Jax’s words and headed to the beach with my kids in hopes that sand castles and the Pacific Ocean would help me out.

Normally I’m not one that looks for little signs, but that day I was grasping at anything to be grateful for … anything that would help me flip the switch.

Getting green lights all the way to the highway … nice.

No traffic all the way to the beach … even better.

Kids not yelling in the car over who got the better superhero book … sweet.

Hitting the radio stations and finding uplifting dance songs or country tunes on every station … awesome.

Finding the very last parking space in a full lot … priceless.

The journey to the Pacific Ocean appeared to be working its magic, because usually when I’m trying to feel better something happens. Something, followed by something else that usually creates an avalanche-type of situation where one little thing builds on another and soon profanity seems like the only answer.

But not today. Today small miracles were working in my favor.

However you always have your little setbacks. And just as the plastic shovels and buckets hit the sand those thoughts began creeping in … you know those picky kind that try to suck out the good time that you are currently having at the moment. The kind that creep up on you after a phone call or random comment from a stranger, some Debbie Downer moment you worked so hard to avoid. Little setbacks, but then this is when it happened. This is when I saw it.

Now normally I would have thought this sighting to be ironic considering I was at the beach, but instead I just found it as a sign, another little miracle thrown my way. A funny one.

Image via DiscoveryChannel

As I was attempting to build the smallest sandcastle in history, my son pointed up to the sky and I saw it. A small plane dragging a banner across a sky.

SHARK WEEK BEGINS TODAY.

Dude. I couldn’t believe it. I shook my head and laughed. Yeah Shark Week. I had forgotten about Shark Week and my mantra … “Live every week like it’s shark week.” Even the crappy ones. Just find a moment a Shark-Week moment to get you through.

So I dropped the shovels, grabbed the kids, the boogie board, and headed toward the water. Nothing like a Shark Week banner to inspire you to get into open waters. Well to be fair we just stuck around the shore. I always remembered the Rogue Sharks episode describing man-eating sharks, no need to get too inspired and head deep into the ocean. The shore proved to be just fine.

Happy Shark Week everyone.

 

This is my first Yeah Write challenge, go ahead and visit to see other writers.

 

Looking At The Bright Side

Image via Despair.com

 

Sometimes you have to look at the bright side to get through the tough times.

 

 

The Death of Wednesday

Dear Wednesday,

Here it was Thursday and you wouldn’t leave me alone.  You just had to follow me, like some crazed stalker. You tried sucking me back into that dismal state that only Wednesday drama can do. You followed me into Thursday, clutching onto my sanity and peace of mind. You suck, Wednesday.

Normally I don’t consider Wednesday “hump day” or get-me-to-Friday-already day, because when you’ve got two kids the days sort of blend together and they sort of lose their feeling. You don’t realize what day it is until you turn on AMC and see what’s playing. Although sometimes I wish my life was an hour-long drama or better yet a half-hour comedy. It could be wrapped up and resolved by the end of the episode and I’d be drinking coffee at the end of the day and smiling as the credits rolled. It’s too bad I don’t drink coffee. Everyone I know drinks coffee and they seem to be getting passed Wednesday just fine.

I normally let go of 24 periods that suck. I try not to have too many emotional hangovers because they rob me of the chance for a better day when the sun rises. But not today. Pinche Wednesday.

I needed it to be neatly wrapped up already. I didn’t feel like re-winding the events of the day and going through all the what-if scenarios. I was so wishing that Jack Bauer would swoop on in and save this nuclear mess that I call life. But Jack Bauer did not come.

It’s days like this that I don’t like gray hair or wrinkles or age 37. Days like this make me look in the mirror and wonder if I have any brown hair left willing and able to take on any new adventures out there. I know there’s Nice N’ Easy, but that’s like cheating. I don’t mind having gray hair. I like them when they are born out of excitement and living an awesome state of existence. Stuff like bungy jumping, zip lining, paddle boarding or anything ending in “ing” really. But when these gray little fiends rise out of the depths of despair during the “for worse” part of your days I’m not so much a fan.

No Wednesday you suck. You gave me a few new ones, and I wasn’t really happy about it.

And then it happened. The death of Wednesday, just like that and it was all because of a tea party.

A tea party.

I had forgotten that  I was invited to a pre-Mother’s Day Tea Party at my son’s preschool. In truth I wasn’t sure what to expect with some of the Children of the Corn parents planning to attend the festivities. But I promised my son I would attend, so I braced myself and forged on.

It ended up being exactly what I needed. Thursday rocked. It was definitely a cure to my emotional hangover.

 

The Invite

 

The treats await.

 

On my place mat.

 

The snack at the tea party.

 

These were gone by the time I took my second sip of tea. Most of them eaten by my son of course. I was glad that each table had its own … I didn’t want a riot to ensue.

 

While snacking on treats I explored the Mother’s Day folder created by son.

 

His notes amused me.

 

This was his how well do you know your mom quiz. I wondered what the teacher thought as she wrote down his answers. It definitely got a smile from me.  I think he’s too young to know about AMC and HBO, so he stuck to the PG rating show.

 

My portrait. I’m smiling, can you tell?

 

On our way out the little goodie bags await.

 

Thursday … yeah … definitely the cure.

I’m Gonna Need a Strong Dose of This

 

Considering that I am currently under the influence of DayQuil and NyQuil, I still feel pretty crappy.

Everybody knows the flu blues. Your head hurts, like Wild E. Coyote smashed it with an anvil. Your chest hurts like if you did 100 push-ups. Your eyeballs hurt, like if you had glaucoma. Your body aches like if you’re a senior citizen, but you’re only in your late 30s. I mean even your hair hurts and being a mom, just finishing a 14-hour shift with two kids I got no blanket, no soup, or no cup of tea waiting for me. Just a sink full of dishes that my crazy OCD mind will just have to let go of. They’ll have to wait until tomorrow just like everything on the to-do list.

Tonight … tonight I’m gonna need a dose of laughter and sleep. A strong one.

 

 

Falling off the Happiness Project-Bucket List Wagon

You ever feel like your life needs an intervention? I mean you’re not an alcoholic, drug user, or addict of any kind. Your only “addiction” is giving people the benefit of the doubt and somehow you just run into a lot of stupid people and a lot of bad luck. You look in the mirror and think this can’t be it. This really can’t be it. You need to sit yourself down in front of the mirror and say … What the hell is going on?

Yeah … I had one of these moments. And then I saw this …

 

I thought … holy crap I’m already there and I’m not even 40 yet, but I’m already there.

Granted the situation is not the same. I don’t have a trampoline and I’m not a bitchy wife, but you have these moments where you think … I didn’t think life would be this hard, or this much work. I mean I followed all the rules. The do what’s right and not wrong rules, the be kind to others rules, the go to college rules, the bust your ass to get an education and good job rules, the be a good mom with a good heart rules, the follow your dream rules, the make a Bucket List rules, the create a Happiness Project rules.

All the rules … I’ve done all the right thing rules and sometimes … sometimes it works and I can say that I’m happy … for a minute.

But I’d like it to last a little bit longer than just a length of a commercial.

I mean there are other times when I think … damn do I need another self-help project? A smack me out of this crappy state of mind project? However, I think I have too many projects already, I mean I can’t even find the time to fold my laundry. And when you’re the mom in a family, you usually come last on the list of priorities.  I guess I have to start picking an entire 24-hour period where I’m first, instead of an hour three times a week.

But let’s not get crazy, who ever heard of me getting 24 hours to myself once a week. Dude. Hasn’t happened yet.

I find myself in a happiness recession today. I’ve fallen off the Happiness Project-Bucket List Wagon. I don’t know, maybe I’m just still tripping over the loss of my dog, or maybe I just had a really crappy weekend, or maybe I need to see this Judd Apatow movie to get a few suggestions on how to get out of this unhappiness weekend funk by using comedy.

Maybe I just need a movie night. A ticket for one. A table for one. The quiet silence of the night without getting interrupted by someone needing something.

Maybe this weekend was a temporary setback and I need to continue chipping away at my “Do Better” list, my Bucket List, and my Happiness Project. Maybe I just need a 2.0 version of myself before I actually hit 40, so that I don’t have a crisis when I hit that milestone birthday. Maybe I need to continue visualizing The Guat 2.0 in order to get passed the current happiness funk the weekend brought me. Maybe I just need to cowboy-up  and realize that sometimes bad days last a little while longer, and I just need to buy more chocolate in order to get through weekends just like these. It’s all part of the intervention process. Chocolate is step one. Comedy is step two.

Falling off the emotional Happiness Project-Bucket List wagon is hard. It’s a good thing I’ve got padding, I feel I’m gonna need a lot of it.

Just Forget About It

Image via quotablecards.com

 

After having such a good day yesterday, today brought about unexpected crappiness, and I had no chocolate for this roller-coster ride. Not even in the emergency stash. I guess I had raided that a while back. Sometimes I wish there was an instruction manual for life. Dude, a 3×5 cheat sheet would do.

Sigh.

But it’s dark now, and the stars are out, which means I need to recharge. I found this card and was glad I did. I might not have chocolate, but I got Emerson’s words, a bottle of Framboise, and AMC television. Although I might make a late-night run. Just to be safe. I don’t want to have any relapses.