Tag Archives: divorce

Facebook … And Why I Totally Hated It Today

13 Jun

I’m not a big fan but they seem to love it. They can’t get enough of it.

They … the masses. They post all kinds of stuff. What they eat and where they’ve been

And for the most part I’m pretty indifferent … that was until today …

Today I hated it.

There he was in portrait-style picture trying to look like a Gap commercial with his new family. Wife. Pregnant wife. And a daughter.

I couldn’t believe it..

The Facebook had made a suggestion … you know … a you might know this person type of deal and I couldn’t believe it.

I mean I wasn’t even the one who married him, but I was still so upset by it. You see one of my friends had recently split up with this dude, about four or five years ago. They had no kids and  just split up their assets and even though it wasn’t a shouting-match-I-hate-you-forever kind of divorce, it was still a divorce. One that left her feeling horrible and sad and I was sad for my friend. I saw her go through such a hard time and I’m sure I didn’t see everything, but what I saw was pretty rough.

She has someone in her life now and I imagine that because of that her ex is in her past, a past that she’s forgotten and doesn’t like to rehash. She’s in a good place, she seems happy. So I didn’t tell her about this virtual encounter. I didn’t tell her that he remarried, or that he started a family.

I didn’t know if it was going to bother her, I mean it bothered me and I wasn’t even married to the dude. I was so burned out by it.I couldn’t believe why I was so upset and angry. I guess in part it was because I knew my friend, I knew how much she loved him and wanted the marriage to work. I knew the heartache, and I guess I was so upset because he seemed to replace her so easily. Married with one kid and another on the way in four years?

Dude.

I debated on telling her this recent Facebook discovery and why I hated Facebook so much, but I thought better of it. I thought it was best to leave her past in the past. I didn’t want angry, sad, or weird feelings clouding her current state. I don’t know, maybe she already knew. Maybe she had run into them and kept it to herself because the blow was pretty big. Or maybe she didn’t even care, because she’s moved on too.

I don’t know why the death of love and the beginning of his beginning bothered me so much. I guess it was because I knew about her dream, I was aware of the future she wanted. I guess I learned that loyalty is a big thing with me. I was loyal to my friend, why couldn’t he be?

I guess I just wanted my friend to have that love without having to have gone through such a painful time. To me it was just hard to believe how quickly he had replaced her, how he seemed so happy in that happily-ever-after photo he had posted on his Facebook profile.

But then again not everything on Facebook is as it seems.

 

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Friday Five … Plus One …

21 Aug

Normally I use humor to help myself and others get through the rough spots. But before that can usually happen perspective has to surface. Sometimes that doesn’t happen right away, the lows hit you in the pit of your stomach and you find yourself on bended knee having a moment of heartbreak.

And sometimes you’ve just got to feel it before you can stand up again.

So I send this love out to my buddy who’s going through a rough patch.

Sometimes music helps to let you know that someone else has been where you’re at, and has felt what you feel. But you’ll stand up again, maybe just not now. But you will, and I’ll be there to hug you when that happens.

She’s Gone Hall & Oates

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Wasted Love — Matt McAndrew

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Not Gon’ Cry — Mary J Blige

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A Little Bit Stronger — Sara Evans

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Love Don’t Live Here No More — Lady Antebellum

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Ooh Child Things Are Gonna Get Easier — The Five Stairsteps

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When Your Molly Ringwald Story Becomes a Diane Lane Adventure …

15 Sep

At first you’re in love.

You got that Corinthians passage memorized and you go in with hope and faith.

You go in thinking you’ve met you’re Jake Ryan.

But then you realize this is not Sixteen Candles and your girlish idea of romance is just that … an idea.

Although … sometimes it pans out and runs the course. You celebrate 50 years, but not just 50 years, 50 good years. Nicholas Sparks romance novel good years.

Other times love gets you to the seven-year itch mark and you find yourself being Diane Lane in any of the Diane Lane-I’m-gonna-dig-myself-out-of-this-disasterous-break-up movies.

 

 

But what ends up happening is that you try your best not to be like the lead in Tyler Perry’s Diary of a Mad Black Woman.

This is what’s happened to three of my friends in the last two months.

They say half of marriages end in divorce, my side of the block is up to 75%.

I feel pretty bad about that as none of them did anything to deserve the situation they currently find themselves in, and I couldn’t find the words to express how bad I felt about the situation. All I could do was listen and do my best to make them laugh with whatever personal disaster was happening to me at the moment.

And then I came across a fellow blogger that hadn’t posted in months.

I was happy to see her on my reader until I realized what happened.

They say it’s rare when people get hit by lightning. Extremely low percentage. Even more rare when you get struck twice. But it happens.

And unfortunately for her it happened this way.

However she’s handled it with such strength that it blew me away. What’s even crazier is that she managed to find humor in a completely unfunny situation.

Dude.

Duuuuuuuuuude.

So in an effort to champion my friends back to a better state I sent the posts to them. I was hoping it would give them strength and laughter when they needed it most. And then I realized that there could be others out there living the same quiet moments of sadness who haven’t discovered this blogger. So I thought I would post links Mikalee Byerman’s blog.

Me 2.0 … If necessity is the mother of invention, then divorce is the mother of re-invention…

Here is her story.

The Brick(ginning)

The Brick Part 2

Even if you’re not going through relationship issues, it’s a good blog, full of comedy and heart.

So if you know someone at the end of their Molly Ringwald romance, help them get through their Diane Lane Adventure.

Step one?

Encourage them to visit Byerman’s blog and read her story.

It will get you out of any funk.