I Found Norman … or Stan at CVS

I didn’t think I’d find myself there, but after my visit to the doctor’s office, it was my only answer.

You see, this happens.

Getting older.

The gray hairs, I knew about that, I knew about BenGay in the joints, and ice packs on the aching knees, I knew, but dude … I am epically failing the aging process as my doctor mentioned I was severely lacking Calcium, and Vitamin D. In addition I need to beef up my core/ muscle workout and apparently I’m in need of Metamucil because I’m lacking the adequate amounts of fiber.

So there I was … at the CVS. I found myself in the Metamucil aisle and an elderly man, who looked like a Norman or Stan, just nodded at me as I took a moment to contemplate my fiber options.

40’s rock.

It took me a while to choose. I didn’t know fiber was that complicated, especially since I needed Psyllium in my supplement on account of elevated cholesterol levels. Yeah … I got that too. It was funny as we were running through my checklist of ailments when I said it …

“But I exercise five-six times a week. I eat healthy, nothing too excessive.”

I mean I eat egg whites, how is this my lifestyle now? My only problem is dark chocolate, milk chocolate any kind of chocolate really, but it’s not a daily occurrence. But apparently it could have been anyway because my sugar was a little high so I could have been breaking off pieces of it everyday! How is it that I found myself on aisle 6 looking through ingredients of my 4-in-1 supplement like I had any clue to its success.

When did I make a wrong turn?

Healthy is not supposed to have a to-do list at the CVS.

But it’s in the blood, just like my good looks. That cholesterol is in the blood. Both my parents had it. My uncle, aunt, cousin and grandpa all had or currently have diabetes. And everyone that’s retired is taking calcium supplements. It’s a great family tree.

The rest? The losing muscle?

That’s just the aging process. A friend of mine sent me a video she came across as she was conducting some research about bone loss. It happens, usually in 50’s or 60’s so I have something to look forward to along with my AARP membership. Just the Facts if Life, like Mrs. Garrett told Tooty, Joe, and Blair. Facts of Life include supplements.

Buen Camino my friends!

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Being Anti-Ageless Proved To Be Too Complicated

I never thought I would find myself in this aisle of the CVS Pharmacy. But there I was in aisle 10A thinking about my anti-aging possibilities at age 37. What the hell?

This kind of stuff shouldn’t even occur to me until I have my mid-life crisis. I mean I have all kinds of crises — all kinds — but I haven’t had the ginormous one yet. I shouldn’t even be concerned with my epidermis. I shouldn’t even be saying epidermis. So what the hell was going on? What led me to visit aisle 10A? What led me to contemplate my skin’s supposed lack of radiance and the need for renewal?

The skin renewal aisle

People. Regular good-looking people.

Now don’t get me wrong I’m not too shabby, but this wasn’t really about looks. It was just about my face, my skin. I mean I’ve always had good skin. No need for Clearasil during my teenage years. No acne scars. No blotches or dark spots. No hardcore facial hair. No allergies. Just regular smooth Guat skin. My only issue has been the dark circles under my eyes, but that’s all good. I’ve had those forever and I’ve learned to use concealer. I’ve grown accustomed to them. So why was I all of a sudden looking at creams with stuff called exfoliators and Retinol? Why the hell was I freaking out about my skin? I’m a Chapstick type of girl, and proud of it. That’s who I am, that’s how I roll. I’m good with it. But it wasn’t the glam look that concerned me. It was me and what I saw in my face during my nighttime routine.

A couple of weeks ago I hung out with a bunch of friends, some who were moms, some who were not. It was a laid-back get-together celebrating one of our friend’s personal milestones. Everyone was having a good time, laughing, chatting, and just hanging out. Everything was all good. Then when I got home something happened.

I looked in the mirror.

Now usually I tend to avoid mirrors, not that I’m hideous or anything. But I just don’t feel the need to constantly look at myself throughout the day. Just in the morning and just at night. But I was getting ready for bed so the mirror was necessary as I did my bedtime routine. I don’t know if guys have bedtime routines, but I know chicks do, even Chapstick chicks do. It’s a process. So as I was lathering up my Aveeno cleanser I looked up and thought … holy crap I looked jacked up. Stressed. Weary. Worn out. Defeated. I looked like my skin needed a vacation.

I thought back to the get-together from that afternoon, everyone I had hung out with today. Dude … they all looked really good. And I couldn’t use the excuse of … well I’m a mom. There were moms there and some with three kids, but they were looking all CoverGirl-like. They looked energized. Vibrant. Airbrushed. They looked magazine-worthy and then here I was looking like the before shot of a wondrous miracle cream that’s supposed to solve all your problems. I mean I know I had the flu and was doped up on DayQuil and NyQuil, and that could have contributed to my crappy state of being, but it was still a total downer.

So it was all of that combined that led me to this alpha-hydroxyl, fruit extract, RevitaLift enriched aisle. And let me tell you there were plenty of options. I realized that this trip down aisle 10A required a little more recon. I stood there about fifteen minutes lost in the multitude of anti-aging, lifting, firming, revitalizing, scrubbing serum creams. I felt like I needed a lifeline, but had no idea who to call.

I was lost. I had no idea if I needed exfoliating or toning, lifting or firming. I thought cream was just cream. The fanciest I’d ever bought was something with SPF so when I saw all the choices, I was a little overwhelmed. I looked around to see if anybody in a red CVS vest was around … maybe they could give me some facial guidance, but all I saw was a teenage boy with acne trying to talk to some girls while restocking the paper towels. I guess I should have gone to Macy’s or something. They got all those chicks in the lab quotes and big mirrors looking all professional with tons of makeup caked on, but I was on a budget and couldn’t be spending a hundred dollars on a small jar of you-won’t-look-like-crap-anymore cream. I needed a big jar at an affordable price. I needed a Costco size.

So after about thirty minutes of examining jars and tubes and soy extract formulas, I went home without anti-ageless assistance. The entire trip was a bust. It seemed that being anti-ageless was a little too complicated for me. Maybe I’ll be ready in a few weeks, after I’ve done some research, until then me and my stressed out skin will have to work on relaxing so as not to look so jacked up. But then again maybe I shouldn’t be checking myself out and examining my face while I’ve got the flu. Germs tend to affect your appearance.

 

What Did I Get at the CVS? Advil, Chocolate, and Wisdom.

Photographed by Bradley Wentzel

“YOU CAN’T MOVE VERY FAST
IF YOU’RE CARRYING A LOT OF BAGGAGE.”

—April Holmes, Paralympic Gold Medalist, 100 meter dash

I found this quote the other day as I was flipping through a magazine at the CVS. Now I don’t do a lot of soul-searching while I’m waiting in a long line to pay for Advil and chocolate. Most of the time I’m wondering why the self-check out aisle is not working properly, or why I just didn’t buy the stuff when I was at the supermarket the day before. But sometimes a lesson just comes out of the blue.

I imagine that after losing her leg in a train accident this chick was pretty much not wanting to hear the silver lining to losing a major appendage, but I guess she did.

The advice appears to be basic common sense that people at airports or train stations follow. I mean if you’re running to make your plane or your train, you know that your carry-on baggage is going to slow you down and you might even miss that plane or train. I mean it would be easier if you had one of those carts. In truth it would be easier if you had no baggage. But nevertheless there you are running all crooked, hair flying everywhere, shoulders killing you, luggage straps not really doing their job, and your knees not really cooperating during this sprint to the gate.  It appears that sometimes in real life we’re doing the exact same thing and this airport/train station wisdom escapes us.

It’s easy to get weighed down by all the crap in your life that isn’t going right — an accident, a job, a relationship, family drama, bills, or whatever crisis is making you eat tubs of rocky road ice cream at midnight. I know. I’m guilty of this. I admit it, it is easy.

But this Holmes makes a good point. She smacked me with some common sense. If you’re tied to your past (AKA your baggage) you’re not going to get very far in the future. Common sense, yes. But sometimes we have brain farts and this wisdom escapes us. Or maybe we just don’t go to the airport on vacations as much as we’d like, so the whole baggage weighing you down isn’t a recurring metaphor. But it’s all good. I get reminders … reminders at places like the CVS. So drop your bags, man! Drop ’em and go.