Tag Archives: advise columns

Doc … I Think I Need A Consult

9 Jul

Dear Doc McStuffins,

RMK2283GMlg

The Doc is in.

I’ve heard you’ve cured everything.

The Pricklethorns. The No Vroom-Vroom-atosis. The Fall Apart-atude. Stuff-fully-osis. Weak-muscle-itis. Overheat-otis. Twisted tail-itis. Big Head-atosis. Forwards-Backwards Panic-itis.

My two-year old seems to think you’re a genius. She walks around trying to cure stuffed animals and Legos of their ailments. Apparently all you have to do is put it in the Big Book of Boo Boos and you’ve got the answer. In fifteen minutes you’ve got it.

I wish I lived in that dimension … you know the same time-space continuum that Jack Tripper, Janet Wood, Crissy Snow and Mr. Roper reside in and where all is well at the end of the day.

I know it’s Wednesday and that Geico Camel is extremely happy that it’s Hump Day, but I’m needing a little assistance in the cure department.

My Hour of Power in the morning rocked as it always does,  despite the three garbage trucks weaving in and out of a three block radius, polluting the atmosphere during my morning run. I was still able to come out with a positive outlook for the day. But then after a couple of hours I ran into them … you know … people suffering certain ailments that only you and your magic stethoscope and trusty hippopotamus  nurse could cure.

Now normally I could shake two or three off,  but I’ve seen a series of repeat offenders for the last four days and it’s burning me out.

I ran into people suffering from …

Rolling My Eyes syndrome. Foul Mouth-atosis. The Cranky-Wankies. The I can’t help you right now-atude. Debbie Downer syndrome. Inconsiderate-itis, which is a subset of The Selfish-Selfies. Jackass-osis. The it’s-you-not-me syndrome which eventually evolves to the I’m never wrong-itis flu, an epidemic in my family.

Yeah I saw them all today and desperately needed to go to a kick boxing gym to let my Jean Claude Van Damme out, because the meditation and chocolate was not working.

Doc … how do you cure stuff like this in fifteen minute increments?

Do you wear I-am-so-freakin’-awesome shirts everyday and listen to Pharrell Williams just to remind you that you’re awesome even when everyone around you is sucking the air out of your balloon?

Doc … I think I need a consult.

What you got?