Tag Archives: 99 Cent Stores

It Was a Tag Team Effort Tuesday & 99 Cent Store 1 … Guat 0

27 Jan

I can’t remember the last time I got my ass kicked…

I’m a Hapkido brown belt … stuff like that shouldn’t ever happened to me unless I encounter a red belt or a black belt. I shouldn’t find myself in a situation where I’m thinking “how the hell did this happen to me?!”


There I was sitting on the curb contemplating this ass-beating and thinking … yup Tuesday is upping its game in the suck-o-meter. I mean they must have considering Monday doesn’t suck any more on account of X-Files being back and all … what does Tuesday have?

Nothing but an ass beating for Guat.

But I have to say my beloved, but now not so beloved 99-Cent Store played a huge roll in the knockout round. I think they tagged-teamed me, and all of this started because of chocolate.

I know right?

Kellogg’s decided to come out with a new product … NutriGrain Breakfast Biscuits Chocolate Chip Edition.


Freakin’ Kryptonite.

When I saw 40 boxes of these at the 99 Cent Store I bought one box just to try them out and see if the kids would enjoy them. Sometimes nutritious people with good intentions do bad things to chocolate, so I got one box. They ended up being awesome! It was a total success, so I decided to return …


… scene of the crime … where the beatings took place.

Two days later I found myself battling for a parking spot in the overcrowded 99 Cent Store. I couldn’t find any spots, so I decided to park on the street and use the meter. The nickels, dimes and one quarter in my ash tray bought me 24 minutes. Score. I set the timer and walked in with 20 bucks ready to clean out what they had, I found one box left. One.

I searched all the aisles but couldn’t find anything and seeing how my time was going to expire soon I thought I’d pay for my one box plus bath essentials and go home. One checker and a long line. So I waited. As I walked out the door and headed to my car, I checked my timer I was at 25:13. I looked up … there was a $68 dollar parking ticket waiting for me and the meter maid driving off.


A couple of hours later after rebounding from that smack in the face, I saw another 99 Cent Store on the way to pick up my kid from school, I thought well maybe they’ll have some NutriGrain Breakfast Biscuits Chocolate Edition. So I stopped by, parking in the lot this time. I found a space way in the back far from any freakin’ parking meter.

After an exhaustive search I found nothing and decided to be grateful for the one box I had found at the other store. Got in my car, backed out of my space, put the car in drive and just as I was about to turn left …

Some chick, Mary Joe apparently because we had to introduce ourselves, decided to back out of her parking space without even looking in the mirror, or over her shoulder, and backed into my passenger side.


It wasn’t of T-Bone accident proportions, minor stuff but it still sucked. That whole let’s change insurance cards-it doesn’t look that bad-you should have been more careful-can I see your driver’s license-I don’t think we should get the insurance involved it’ll just raise our rates-conversation sucked.

So after this one-two punch combination that the 99 Cent Store laid on me, I battled the PTA moms for parking at the school and picked up my kids. I drove home feeling sick to my stomach.


I had to pull over and throw up on someone’s curb and in the midst of this health crisis my son asks …

What are doing out there?

I just need a minute I’m not feeling good.

Why don’t you get some medicine from the 99 Cent Store, it’s just a couple blocks from the house.

Dude …

Tuesday & 99 Cent Store 1 … Guat 0.




The 99-Cent Store, Aura, and Toilet Bowl Cleaner

21 Sep

I didn’t expect that kind of encounter at The 99 Cent Store. I went in there for hand soap and left feeling a little Twilight Zoney.

Image via Wikipedia

99 Cent Stores. They are awesome for people on a budget, families with kids, teachers, struggling writers, and college students. They are all over the place down here in Southern California. They got everything from duct tape and pliers to statues of the Virgin de Guadalupe and produce. And when it’s a holiday that requires decoration they got an entire aisle dedicated to the festivities. This place makes it affordable to have spirit on holidays.

But the other day my encounter was with a spooky spirit.

Now I’ve been told that I tend to give off a friendly, approachable vibe from time to time, but usually complete strangers tend to keep their distance. But this chick … this chick decided to approach me while I was checking out the Comet and Ajax, doing a toilet bowl cleaner comparison.

She stopped, backed up, and stood in front of me. She was an older woman, with frizzy red hair and clothes that looked like she had purchased at Urban Outfitters.

I knew she was staring at me, but I didn’t say anything right away. I was kind of hoping she was looking for some  toilet bowl cleaner, and I was in her way. But no such luck. She put her hands up in the air, sort of around my personal space. I looked hostile and confused.

“What are you doing?”

“Your aura.”

“My what?”

“Your aura. Your halo.” She did the Mr. Miyagi wax-on, wax-off move around my personal space and I sort of backed away slowly. “I’ve never seen or felt an aura like this.”

She came closer.

“Uh … Your not gonna be feeling anything.”

“No wait. What a powerful aura you have. Such greatness there. Amazing.”

All I could think of was this chick has no idea what the hell she’s talking about. I’m 37, and I live at my parent’s house. I’m the female version of George Costanza.

But she kept going on at how amazed she was with my aura and how she wanted to hold my hand to give me a reading.

Dude. All I needed was hand soap. I just happen to check out the Ajax because I was thinking the toilet could use a good scrubbing. I should pick up a couple of cans, and then there she was … psychic extraordinaire trying to feel up my aura at the 99 Cent Store.

I explained that I really didn’t have time for his whole enlightening experience at the 99 Cent Store, and that I really didn’t let strangers hold my hand. She told me she lived just a couple of blocks down the street and that I could stop by at any time. Her offer to read my palm would still stand.

All I could think about was this is how people get chopped into little pieces and end up in people’s freezers.

Dude. Aura.