The Day Before …

25 Jul

There are a lot of things I know I’m not …

When I sit by myself at night, I know I’m not going to be as successful as my Dad or uncle. They grew up with absolutely nothing and became something by the time they were my age. They worked hard and reached for what they thought was big. I work hard and have yet to crack the surface.

I know I don’t measure up sometimes, but I’m not a quitter even though life gives me plenty of reasons to do so. I try my best and leave it all out there. I got my America Ninja Warrior grip on it and I’m holding on tight.

I know I’m not as happy as SpongeBob Squarepants but I’m not a bad person. I wake up everyday trying to empty the tank and be kind to people, even to those who are not always kind to me. I breathe and take moments, so I don’t speak out of anger. But I do get angry … at selfishness, deceit, hypocrisy, betrayal, and meanness. I get upset when people lash out, but don’t ask for forgiveness. They just pretend it didn’t happen.

I know I’m not very trusting of people, it takes a while before I can let my guard down. I’m protective. But once you’re in, I’m loyal and true for life.

I know I’m not always enthusiastic to talk to people I’m not familiar with, but I’m not cold. I’m heartfelt and caring. I give hugs and hold tight. I get sad when someone is hurting and try to comfort them with friendship, understanding, and kindness. But I do walk away from people who are jerks and are unkind and think it’s all right.

I know I’m not very forgiving of people who hurt me on purpose, or can’t bring themselves to say I’m sorry for doing something they knew was wrong. I don’t hold onto the anger though. I just let them go. Plus, I’ll always be the first to admit when it’s my fault and apologize if I was wrong or hurt someone.

I know I’m not always at 100, but I’m not a miserable person. I’m sad sometimes and people hurt my feelings, but I’m not spiteful when that happens. I’m just hurt, and I cry. I do my best to get out of the funk and not let it rent more space.

I know I’m not bitter. I have a good heart and it still smiles when things are hard. I still like to laugh. I look for the funny and practice gratitude. I’m a good friend and try to send out positive vibes. I try to pay-it-forward even though I may not have much.

I know I’m best-friend-less. I used to have one … the kind you call right away when something happens to you … the kind you share your hopes, dreams, and broken hearts with … the kind where you have inside jokes … the person that gets you without judgement … I used to have one but lost them, we’re no longer close. But I still have my kids and we share plenty of good-time-noodle-salad moments, and old and not-so old friends, who give me SuperSoul Sunday feelings.

I know I’m not a successful writer, but I’m a good storyteller, who keeps reaching for the stars even though I stand alone.

I know I’m not a morning person, but I still make pancakes and enjoy the peace of the sunrise … even in pajamas. I feel morning starts after the sun wakes up and not before.

I know I’m not who I thought I was going to be when I grew up, but I’m still trying to get there, even when everyone else I know has reached the finish line.

I know I’m not perfect. I’m broken and scarred, chipped and faded. But I put myself together with crazy glue … I’m a work-in-progress and think I’m still flawesome.

I know I’m not a lipstick-high-heels type of girl who gets the double-look when she walks by, or dawns covers of magazines. I’m the Chapstick-under-the-radar type who wears t-shirts and jeans, likes sports and travel, even though most of my travel in recent years have been staycations. I’m the best-friend in a romantic-comedy who people realize ‘she was the one all along’.

So … on the day before my birthday I know these things I’m not. And I try not to listen to those who want to focus on negatives and highlight the things I am not, but I pay attention to the things that I am.

Sending you sunshine and waves … Buen Camino my friends.

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7 Responses to “The Day Before …”

  1. ksbeth July 25, 2019 at 4:20 PM #

    you’ve got it right, it’s what and who we are that matters, not what and who were not. happy birthday almost !

    • The Guat July 28, 2019 at 7:36 PM #

      Thanks so much! It was a good day and I keep staying on the positive vibe 🙂

  2. Sorryless July 26, 2019 at 7:40 AM #

    This is how life comes at us, Cali. Those objects in our rear view were larger than they appeared and the windshield is behaving as if we’re going a million miles an hour even when we feel as if we’re barely hitting the speed limit.

    On this day, your birthday, may I say I’m glad to know someone like you. Even if it’s in virtual space . . it still counts. For lots. And so do you.

    You’re a true believer, with passion and spirit and might. You are exactly who you are supposed to be. And you matter, so much. And thank you for being you. And Happy Birthday. 🙂

    Love, waves, birthday candles and peace

    • The Guat July 29, 2019 at 12:39 PM #

      Thanks so much 😉 I appreciate the kind words as I often feel like I’m barely hitting the speed limit as others are actively putting up road blocks to continue the slow progress. But I keep going. And as I get older, I appreciate the kind words from friends as they go a long way, especially on bad days. Kind words are often that X-factor that helps press the pause button on the crappiness of a downer day and help find your smile again, or boost that spring in your step that makes a good day even better. After a rocky morning the day turned out to be a good one … full of sunshine and waves 🙂 thanks!

      • Sorryless July 29, 2019 at 1:00 PM #

        Girl you are hitting home runs every day. You are raising two wonderful kids on the lessons you learned from your father. You introduce him to them every day, in your actions.

        And you’re a fabulous writer who makes us all think and laugh and sometimes well . . reach for the Kleenex when you write something especially poignant. But that’s okay, because it means you’re a hell of a writer.

        Peace and good days

  3. anotherday2paradise July 26, 2019 at 8:26 AM #

    Well, you sound like a bit of okay to me. Happy Birthday to you. Yours is two days before mine. 😘🌻

    • The Guat July 28, 2019 at 7:35 PM #

      Ha! Thanks! I had a good one! Happy Birthday to you today! Hope you’re enjoying the day with great people and great food!

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