Staying Within The Lines

16 Sep

Some people just roll on out of bed with a wish for confrontation.

I’m talking about regular people with blatant disregard for the common decency rules of life. Yeah … they’re out there. And I saw one. I took photographic evidence.

But not so much to report anyone, more so to laugh.

You see, about an hour before I saw this dude, I had pulled into a lot and did my very best to park this loaner I was driving into a spot. Now seeing how I’m not used to parking this bad boy Toyota Sienna, it took me about three attempts to completely stay within those double white lines. Yup.  I was putting it in drive and reverse, drive and reverse, and then drive and reverse again, with all eyes from the AARP Crew looking at me from the diner across the way. Just sipping their coffee and staring at me through their bifocals.

My parking job doesn’t have to be perfect and my tires don’t have to be equidistant from the lines on both sides. I just have to be in the slot, I want to give people enough room to open their doors. I just don’t want to be a jackass. That’s it. So after my multiple failed attempts and a triumph that took 5-10 minutes, I moved on and went to run some more errands and that’s when I saw this dude.


I mean he wasn’t even close. And you guessed it … it was one of the last spots on the lot.

Now normally things like this really burn me out, but under this new Super-Soul Sunday everyday vibe I’ve been flowing on, I ended up cracking up. This dude did not care. Not one bit.

I mean I’d understand if we were at the ER and it was a life and death situation, but I was at the 99-Cent store, there are plenty of Cup O Noodles.

So when I saw this Volvo, I just paused for a minute and laughed. This dude is living by his own code.

You see out here in the traffic congested city I live in, there are parking rules that people let slide because you know what the drawbacks are, for example an SUV parked in a compact-only spot will probably get his door scratched or dented by the other cars. That’s a given. If you park in someone’s driveway, you might get hit, or towed before you roll out of bed early enough to move your car,  it happens. You take two spots instead of one, you might get a nasty note on your windshield or a confrontation in your future.

People are aware of the consequences. They know. This guy knew, but he didn’t care.

Growing up in this city I take these rules fairly seriously. I don’t want to  be a jackass. So I tend to stay within the lines. The fact that I worked so hard to park my loaner car an hour before and then see this Volvo-driving nut just handle this spot like a dictator cracked me up. I mean who thinks that way. I just had to laugh. I couldn’t react any other way.

Buen Camino my friends.





8 Responses to “Staying Within The Lines”

  1. bgddyjim September 17, 2017 at 3:37 AM #

    We don’t have congestion like you do, nothing like it, but that I think that jerk has a sister who lives in Michigan. I hate that. Typically I leave the “if you f*** like you park, it’s no wonder you park angry” note on the car. Losers.

    • The Guat October 3, 2017 at 12:17 AM #

      A note would have been awesome and I have left notes in the past when people just suck, but after my ten minute park job just a few moments earlier, I just started cracking up. I couldn’t help it. It was just unbelievable. But I always have a paper and pen in the car … just in case.

  2. Cayman Thorn September 17, 2017 at 3:44 AM #

    I’m with you, Cali. Once upon a time, I would’ve been hot as all get out when confronted with this kind of douchebaggery. But not anymore. These days, I am all about keeping a peaceful flow in the ‘noggin. I won’t let a person like this hijack my emotions.

    You did good Cali. Real good.

    Peace and primo parking spaces 🙂

    • The Guat October 3, 2017 at 12:22 AM #

      Dude total peaceful flow. Laughter does that sometimes. You know, it’s just the fact that moments earlier I was doing my best, my best to avoid that very situation and then this dude or dudette was like … I don’t care. I just lost it, I couldn’t help it. I was cracking up in the car.

  3. Susan Swiderski September 17, 2017 at 11:17 AM #

    Yep, laughing is a lot safer than keying the ignorant slob’s car. 🙂

    • The Guat October 3, 2017 at 12:19 AM #

      I couldn’t help laughing. The irony was cracking me up. He was like … look it .. I don’t care. And I was like no waaaaaaayyyyyyy!

  4. Apple Pie & Napalm September 17, 2017 at 12:35 PM #

    As Montgomery Gentry sings, “There’s One In Every Crowd.”

    • The Guat October 3, 2017 at 12:17 AM #

      Dude! This one was the one! No doubt.

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