Awkward and Messy Isn’t For Everybody

2 Jul

I was in the middle of a conversation with someone I considered to be my friend when it occurred to me … well … maybe they’re not that close of a friend.


Maybe they’re not worthy of the awkward and messy parts of me, because when I gave it to them they judged me … and it was a turn off. I think I’m a pretty open person, private about some things, but pretty open about failures, obstacles, and successes. The longer I know somebody, the more I let them in. I think some of my writing buddies here got to know different parts of me if they’ve stuck around for a while, conversations and comments being exchanged and all builds a camaraderie. You get to find out what we have in common and we make a connection.

And we build from there. I build trust. I thought I had.

It’s good to have a friend that tells you the truth, you need a friend like that during hard times and good times. But you also need a friend you can trust, someone that sees the awkward and messy and broken down parts of you and doesn’t judge you.

It’s the tone in their voice and the words that they use, it’s when they place you in a category that’s not you, and you think to yourself … how weird that after all this time they don’t know you … they’ve been around you and you hung out for the last decade, you’ve shown them all of you, and when you needed an ear, it turned out they weren’t listening but projecting their own issues on you and judging you at the same time.

It was weird … in the middle of the conversation I found out that we weren’t that close to begin with, and I guess that’s all right. I finished my salad and sandwich and didn’t speak much about my concerns or current issues. I just listened to hers and then ended the lunch with a good-bye wave.

Sometimes people are on the acquaintance level and never move up, even when you’re brave enough to show your imperfect parts and are in need of a friend to lean on … sometimes they’re not the right listener and you find out the hard way.

And that’s all right, that just means you narrowed down your circle of trust and they’re not in it. But the people that are … they get you. And most of all you get you.




8 Responses to “Awkward and Messy Isn’t For Everybody”

  1. ksbeth July 3, 2016 at 2:37 AM #

    i so agree –

  2. Deborah the Closet Monster July 3, 2016 at 1:39 PM #

    Hear, hear.

    Yesterday we took our boys to a friend’s fifth birthday party. They said something we felt: that it is so refreshing to be around people who accept you as you are, with love and without judgment. There’s a lot of not-that in the world, so that it is so worth cherishing when found.

    • The Guat July 5, 2016 at 10:58 PM #

      It’s good when you find kids that totally “get” your own kid. It’s one of the best feelings as a parent. It’s awesome when that happens. And you are so right … there’s not much of that to go around. So definitely grateful for the circle of trust we got. 🙂 Thanks for stopping by and reading.

  3. Dentler Erdmann July 4, 2016 at 9:43 AM #

    You are so right . . .but sometimes these borderline friends are just not thoughtful. Like you, I have had many of this brand of friends. I think they mean well . . .they just don’t know.

    • The Guat July 5, 2016 at 11:01 PM #

      They totally are not and sometimes it’s a trip. I didn’t think I’d still be learning life lessons in regards to friends at this stage, but that’s how it is people open your eyes to things all the time. And your right … sometimes they do mean well, other times …

  4. Cayman Thorn July 5, 2016 at 5:33 PM #

    You speak the truth, Cali.

    I’m an uber introverted person. That being the case, I choose my friends very carefully. Small circle, and that’s the way I like it. I don’t ask much from the friends I have, other than to deal as I deal- truthfully, earnestly and totally. It makes for a lot of goodbye waves, for sure, but that’s alright. The ones who stick, they mean everything to me.

    You keep doing it just the way you’re doing it hermana. You do it oh so very well.


    • The Guat July 5, 2016 at 11:06 PM #

      Thanks for the kind words brother. I reeeeeeeeeeeally appreciate the boost and pat on the back. It’s good to know that I’m not the only one whose circle is small and you’re right the ones that are in there that stick around for the ride… man! Definitely gonna be in my heart. Thanks buddy.

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