I Wish I Had Lost My Keys Instead …

4 Mar

It seemed like such a big deal at the time. Anxiety building and blood pressure probably rising, getting mad at a pair of shoes because they happened to be in my line of vision.

I was in a rush. I was frustrated, and irritated, and damning everything, and slamming everything in an effort just to find them.

I was in rush to go somewhere, probably being a taxi service to my kids for some event and the loss of my keys was stressing me out, transforming me into The Hulk. For nine minutes I frantically searched and finally found them underneath the couch cushions of course.

Relief set in just as the anxiety escaped.

It felt like a big deal at the time  — being late– as if it said something bad about me, as if it was a pattern in my life, as if the people we were meeting  or the place I needed to be at wouldn’t have cut me some slack. But the thing is now as I’m thinking about it I can’t even remember what is was for, I can’t remember the importance of it at all.

But it felt big.

Until last week, when I actually lost a friendship, not to sickness or anything tragic like that. Just lost them to the hustle of life.They had caught  me on the blindside and I wasn’t prepared. How could I be? I know I had briefly mentioned it the other day but didn’t go into heavy detail.

I had called to catch up and I was genuinely interested in hanging out, but the reconnect wasn’t there. Felt like I was on an awkward first date on a failed Love Connection. The distance was present which made me a little sad because I valued our closeness, I valued our friendship and loyalty but it just wasn’t there anymore. We had fallen into acquaintanceship. We said our good-byes, gave each other our hugs, mine was whole the other felt like half, and then they said …

“I’ll call you later.”

At that moment I so wished I had lost my keys instead.

They had good intentions, but I knew they didn’t mean it, it was just something they said.

I know people grow out of friendships and that people come in and out of our lives for a reason. I know,  I just wished there was more sometimes and that people cared as much as I did.  But sometimes life happens and priorities shift and we’re all just trying to find our balance. Not to say that I don’t have friends that I haven’t seen for a while and when we get together the reconnect is instantaneous. I do and I love them, but losing a buddy to acquaintanceship is still hard. I wasn’t devasted but still just a little sad. Burned. Luckily Ben & Jerry’s can always help fix that.

 

 

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8 Responses to “I Wish I Had Lost My Keys Instead …”

  1. bgddyjim March 5, 2016 at 12:54 AM #

    I have two interesting points about this post…. I’ve never mourned losing a friend. Not my best friend from when I was a kid, not my best friend in recovery. When they’re in my life, it’s great. When we have to go our separate ways, meh.

    The only one on this planet I couldn’t do this with is my wife. I love her too much, and it is good.

    • The Guat March 5, 2016 at 8:53 AM #

      That is interesting. It’s weird I’ve always been really invested (not that you weren’t) and then afterwards when they’re no longer in my life I’m all right, it passes, but then something reminds me of them and I’m like … Ugh … Burn. Thanks for reading.

  2. anotherday2paradise March 5, 2016 at 11:56 AM #

    I had a strange incident happen years ago. I’d been really good friends, almost bosom buddies with a woman slightly older than myself. We had mutual friends too and often used to hang out together. One day, I phoned to invite her round and in a very curt voice, she just cut me dead, saying she was too busy. I waited for her to phone me, but she never did, and to this day, 25 years later, I have no idea what happened. She just seemed to cut ties with me and the others in our little group. I heard from someone who knows her now, that she has Alzheimers. Your previous commenter has a good point about not being able to do without his wife. I feel the same about my hubby. 🙂

  3. The Guat March 5, 2016 at 12:02 PM #

    That is true. As long as you have your husband, wife, dude, dudette in your life losing others may not be that bad, as long as you don’t lose them.

  4. tracymartin March 5, 2016 at 12:07 PM #

    I’ve been on both sides of this situation, ..probably more often the one who has distanced themselves from people in my life that are no longer a significant part of my journey. Not saying you are one of those, just that I understand the need to drift apart. Sometimes it’s just that the important things in life force me to be more careful with the time I have. I guess what I’m saying is that what happened was probably inevitable and not a result of anything you did or didn’t do. Life changes us and hence the cast that surrounds us sometimes has to change as well.

  5. The Guat March 19, 2016 at 9:53 AM #

    That is definitely true…sometimes you’re just a good friend and it’s not on you its just that they’re going through something. Life changes all the time and I soooooooo agree with you that the players change and time goes in. Thanks for the kind words and for stopping by 🙂 all the advice helps 🙂

  6. Dentler Erdmann March 20, 2016 at 5:54 PM #

    Welcome to the club . . .on several levels: lost keys, lost balance, lost friends . . . and so it goes.

    • The Guat May 15, 2016 at 11:44 AM #

      You’re so funny … Even when you’re not trying to be. The Lost Club … I’m totally a proud member.

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