No One Ever Told Me …

23 Jan

I completely forgot about it.

Failure is not something you want to remember really, unless it ends up on an SNL skit  and you’re cracking up because that has totally happened to you.

Most of the time these learning experiences are kept to myself, but sometimes this little community of ours gets a sneak peek at my epic fails and I get some virtual nods and been there, keep your head up comments that I truly appreciate. And the only other time I’ve shared some of my multiple failures was at women’s workshop/meeting-of-the-minds kind of thing.

Something I had completely forgotten about, until I was listening to a podcast this morning and they were talking about life in general and the concept of good vs. perfect …

There I was, surrounded by strong educated women looking to get inspired and just learn from each other when it happened … the tell us a little bit about yourself and how you got here question and how this group that we were all a part of made an impact or helped you out a bit.


One by one, college chicks and alumni began speaking about all the good points and successes in their lives, how everything was turning out great since they left campus, career and love lives falling into place, and how this group helped them connect to others, helped them feel support, and a sense of community.


Then they got to me …

Now in the past when surrounded by such successes I tended to bring out my own resume points, but I was in my late-late thirties and wasn’t there for that. As one of the alumniest of the alumni, I guess I was there to share truths and not just the shiny parts. So I did.

I talked about how amazing it was to hear all these great things happening in their lives, but this life — my life — was not that. I was not part of the easy connect the dots, success after success after success doors opening everywhere group. I had the Eat, Pray, Love Univision-Telemundo version happening. Failure-sucky-disaster crying in the parking lot eating rocky road out of the tub failure, that was me. I knew what the bottom rung felt like. I knew the two-steps-forward-three-steps-back dance. I thought I had invented it. And the thing is, no one ever told me.

No one.

Graduating from one of the best public schools in the country and then getting a Master’s from a great private school didn’t make me immune to it. No one ever told me. She might not fail, he might not fail, things will go right for them, but for you? You’re taking a different route. The messy kind. The learning from experience kind.

No one ever told me, you know what? You’re still going to fail, fail more times than you succeed, and fail big time.

So when it happened, it was like a disaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaster.

But being that I grew up with a Rocky Balboa-Breaking Away-The Natural-Rudy-Hoosiers mentality, I got up. I always got up and I kept going, and these group of women that were with me supported me. They saw me, and not the setbacks.

I explained to the group how awesome it was that every step of the way everything had gone right for them, but if they ever encountered failure and needed to talk about it, I was their girl. I would know what that felt like and I would know how to get up.

Seeing how I was second to last person, we finished up the introductions and then took a break.

I thought I was going to go to the table get my little Dixie cup of lemonade and be on way, but apparently there were some ladies there that wanted to talk.

It might not look good when it’s happening to you, I know it doesn’t feel good, but eventually failure is gonna help you out, and maybe someone else too.

Keep your head up.




14 Responses to “No One Ever Told Me …”

  1. bgddyjim January 24, 2016 at 1:18 AM #

    Those with connect the dots success stories are simply folks who conveniently forget the failures. 😉

    • The Guat January 28, 2016 at 7:22 PM #

      Duuuuuuude that is such an awesome quote!! I LOVE it! Thanks so much for kind words I so appreciate it, dude I wish I would have heard that in my 20s, I would have cried less, but then again I would have had less chocolate as well, and you know how much chocolate means to me 🙂 thanks for reading and for the awesome words.

  2. empathy75 January 24, 2016 at 4:32 AM #

    I agree with above comment. There is no one who never fail, but I also agree with you that some people can fail more than others and they become more passionate and humane which can make you a better writer than others. I admire you for your humility and honesty. As long as you are keeping track of your emotions, you are doing ok. I have failed many times, many many times, but I was offered as an associate professor in a well known university after many failures. Don’t worry, your success will come soon. I never believed in God before . But some of my friends told me that ” Dear, do you know why good people fail more than others, it’s because God is testing you and He wants to give the bigger burden to people He loves the most because He knows you can take it ” and I was grounded. I like that words and I take it as the truth because it makes me feel better. ( I am sorry if my conversation offends you, I am just sharing my experience). All the best Guat.

    • The Guat February 1, 2016 at 5:05 PM #

      Stuff like that never offends … insults usually offend me so you’re all good. But I agree that as long as you keep your emotions in check that will definitely help you keep things in perspective. And I appreciate the encouragement and pat on the back regarding my honesty … I just kind of felt the need to just to say something among all the awesomeness going on there, I was still awesome, but I’ve been taking the long way. Just wanted to make sure they knew there were other roads in case they hit a massive detour. 🙂 Thanks for stopping by and reading.

  3. The Good Greatsby January 24, 2016 at 1:54 PM #

    Our resumes and social media present all our successes as a highlight reel like everything had unfolded according to some master plan. I’m certain the failures and misfires and how we adjust course are a much more universal theme than the successes.

    • The Guat January 28, 2016 at 7:19 PM #

      I totally agree with you. Failures happen all the time, constantly over here, and I definitely feel that in the end all the misfires will help me get to where I’m going, and I’m gonna be like remember that time when I thought everything sucked, man that was one crazy detour.

  4. anotherday2paradise January 24, 2016 at 4:58 PM #

    I’m sure they found your honesty and your guts to admit that you were less than perfect, very refreshing and inspirational. There’s no shame in not being cookie-cutter perfect. 😘

    • The Guat January 28, 2016 at 7:16 PM #

      I am totally with you on this one … Perfect in no way by any means except the most perfect chocolate eater 🙂 as long as I can find the humor in something I’ll be all right and seeing how I have so many failures funny is something that happens often 🙂 thanks for your kind words, really appreciate you stopping by and giving me some pats on the back 🙂

  5. Cayman Thorn January 24, 2016 at 6:00 PM #

    I always found the people who were honest about their journey to be the ones I would trust with anything. They don’t regard success in any given endeavor as a trophy. They’re respectful of the commitment it takes to attain that success, but they’re cognizant of the fact that success isn’t something you own. Success is fleeting, temperamental. They understand success better than anyone because they understand failure is not something to be feared but as something that you’re going to encounter along the road to success.

    You impress me more and more all the time, Guat.

    • The Guat January 28, 2016 at 7:12 PM #

      Duuuuuuude you are so freaking awesome! I love it when you get deep you totally lift me up all the time … I feel like that was your Kennedy Center Honors speech that’s how awesome your words are…failure is a difficult thing but it happens and it sure as hell has happened to me at every possible moment so why deny it if it’s gonna part of my process to be better than I was yesterday. Thanks bud, you always rock my day.

  6. brickhousechick January 25, 2016 at 8:26 AM #

    Way to stay true to yourself, Guat! No pretending or falsifying – you are the real deal, as ugly as it may get! I am uber weary of the way happy everything is going perfect people. It doesn’t add up. Not to say that staying positive and finding the silver lining is wrong because, I do a lot of that – but it’s refreshing to be real. Add a little humor and the failures are almost tolerable. Nice to see you here, amiguita! 🙂

    • The Guat January 28, 2016 at 7:04 PM #

      Totally nice to hear from you too! Man! And I couldn’t agree with you more. I was so like … really? Everything is perfect? Duuuuude I’m gonna hit you with something real because ( at the time I was 37 and I was like I got nothing to prove I’m almost 40). I catch silver linings all the time, even have the play book but sometimes you’re like dude, I’m going to be really honest.

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