The Things I Do For My Kid …

16 Sep

I didn’t really know how to start the conversation.

I didn’t.

I mean I hate this time of year and being put in this position. So I thought I’d draft something to help me out.

What do you guys think?


 Image by ©

Image by ©


Dear People,

I say people because sometimes this act crosses boundaries and I’m no longer considered to be in the circle of trust. I’m outside of it. Out!

At least for the time being, and I understand. I get it.

I’ve crossed over from regular Guat, to the mom who has to raise funds for her son’s school.


You know the type, the one with two catalogs in her right hand and the clipboard with order form on the left. The one you hope doesn’t walk over to you and asks you to browse the catalog to see if you’re interested in buying something.

That’s me…for the next week that’s who’ve I become and the thing is I didn’t ask for this, I didn’t sign up for this. My son just came home last week with a “special envelope” addressed to the parents of Little Guat. Just like that, no warning, just an open call for you to do your part. Although I felt I already did my part by buying $48 worth of school supplies and sending them with my kid on the first day of school. You know the dreaded classroom list.

I thought I had done my part, but no. No.

There’s more. There’s always more when you’re a parent of a kid in the public school system. I know you know because you’ve been in my shoes and I’ve been in yours.

So let me just get to it. Let me give you my pitch.

I know you’re not Rachel Ray or any of the other Food Network Stars. I know it. I know that you probably don’t need an $18 lime green vegetable spiralizer for zucchini or yellow squash noodles. I know that you could probably grab your 20% coupon from Bed, Bath, & Beyond and get yourself a cheaper set of two-tone mixing bowls for all your baking needs. I know you probably have your free gift with purchase Estee Lauder or Clinique carryall totes and cosmetic bags and don’t need anymore polywoven plastic bags with reinforced bottoms.

I know.

But I have ask.

Things aren’t the way they used to be in the 80s. They’re not. There are no more music or art classes. None. I’m lucky if my kid will get a chance to use watercolors or know what a violin looks like. No room for creativity or the possibility that he’ll blossom into one of the Kennedy Center Honor recipients. I’d probably have to encourage that side of him through private lessons from some cultural center somewhere and shell out some massive bucks.

But they do have a computer center, although no computer teacher.

They do have a librarian on staff, finally. And books. They do have books. But no avenues to express their artistic talents.

And the weird thing is, I used to have these artistic opportunities during my youth, for free. No fundraising required because the schools thought that this was important enough to fund. It was in the budget at the inner city school I attended as a kid. Ms. Levi was my art teacher and Mr. Davidson was my music teacher, I rocked Beethoven on that violin and my calligraphy wasn’t too bad either.

But seeing how my son is in a better neighborhood, I figured he’d have all kinds of opportunities to make bad music on his trumpet, saxophone, guitar, violin, viola or whatever instrument he would decide to choose. I figured he’d be dabbling in all kinds of Picasso and Monet experiments.

I figured it would come included in this Happy Meal of an education, but no. We got no prizes.

So if you’d like to skip your trip to Target and get one of these handy dandy home, kitchen, or personal accessories and be an advocate for The Arts at the same time, duuuuuude you could totally buy something off one of these catalogs.

Thanks for your help.


The Guat.

Oh! And P.S. If you can’t peruse the catalog, feel free to take thirty minutes away from your computer time on Facebook, YouTube, Vine, Instagram, Twitter and etc. to check the website out I’ve included at the bottom. I totally know you want to check out the wide array of silicone bottle topper sets and fodable duffle bags.

What do you think? Will my family disown me and friends “de-friend” me on Facebook?




7 Responses to “The Things I Do For My Kid …”

  1. bgddyjim September 17, 2015 at 1:21 AM #

    Interesting… I would ask what my school’s administration is doing such a poor job of running the system.

    My kids have art and music.

    Here’s the answer, I’ll make it easy: the problem is the administration itself. You have two vice-principles, you’ve got a nurse or two, someone (or two) focused on the children’s emotions, a bunch of secretaries, etc., etc…. for each school. Schools blow too much on administration to pay for the kids to have those things. When’s the last time you saw a school administrator fired because of poor performance? Never, unless they do something blatantly politically incorrect.

  2. brickhousechick September 18, 2015 at 9:45 PM #

    Hey, a mom’s gotta do what a mom’s gotta do! I’ve sold my share of candles, candy bars and wrapping paper. Most people understand. Buena suerte, chica!

    • The Guat September 18, 2015 at 11:21 PM #

      Duuuuude I’m gonna need it. I hate doing this stuff. Ugh, but I’m hoping my letter will help crack a smile 🙂 and at least I’ll get a couple of relatives to buy something. Hey! Have a great weekend in Monterey

  3. Ann Holman September 20, 2015 at 10:19 PM #

    I completely HATE doing this! And quite frankly, I refuse. I opt instead to buy something myself (not something expensive, just something to “support.”) and to let my son know that he’s never going to get the big “selling prize.” I would much rather give cash than to sell these things! But proud of you for trying!

    • The Guat September 21, 2015 at 11:01 PM #

      Duuude I totally love that you get me! Dude. I HATE doing this it is so not cool. I understand about the funding and needing to provide kids with stuff, I get it. But dude, I just … ugh. I don’t even let my kid know about the “selling prizes,” he has no clue about all that. And you know most of the time it’s just me that buys something, so that we did our part in helping out. But dude I just can’t stand doing stuff like this and busting out the catalog. I only pass it on to family and totally keep this within bloodlines. I don’t go out to neighbors or anything like that anymore. Dude it’s getting crazy ridiculous, but I try, I try. Thanks so much for sharing my woes 🙂

  4. anotherday2paradise October 7, 2015 at 1:26 PM #

    I used to buy the whole book of raffle tickets my kids brought home. 😳

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