I Think I Still Could Have Been A Great Chapter

10 Nov

It hasn’t happened to me in such a long time, so I wasn’t sure how to take it. I mean I know how I took it, I took it poorly.  In addition to raiding my kids Halloween Candy stash, I emptied the freezer of  two Ben & Jerry’s pints.

It was a crisis or sorts.

I had lost it.

I lost a friend and it wasn’t because of death, health reasons, or an untimely demise. They’re living and breathing just fine, it’s me who was hyperventilating when I realized a couple of months ago that our friendship was over. It was a friendship that was rushed to the relationship ER and then never made it out.

There wasn’t an argument or heated discussion, and nobody had crossed any lines. It just slowly deteriorated. I saw it happening and tried to stop it. But with all my efforts I felt like that chic from He’s Just Not That Into You. The dork that hopelessly and endlessly tries to find the one and then thinks that every guy she’s been with is the one, only to realize that they’ve all been lame dudes that she’s made these excuses for because she was blinded.

 

He's Just Not That Into You

He’s Just Not That Into You

 

Yeah that was me. I was trying to hang on to a friendship that apparently meant more to me than them.

Now I realize that everyone is busy and as we get older there are all kinds of demands coming from work, family, and other friendships. I get it. We’re busy. But there are friends that I haven’t seen in months even years, and when they come into town and we get to talking, it’s like we never left campus and we picked up exactly where we left off. No awkward pauses or talks about the weather. We get down to laughter and real talk. The comfort zone is still there. The inside jokes are still there. The friendship is still there.

But this time around I realized that was gone. And I don’t know if guys really make a big deal out stuff like this, or if it’s just a chick thing, or if it’s just me but losing a friend kind of sucks all the way around. I was making all kinds of effort to maintain this friendship in a non-stalker-non Single White Female kind of way.

But then it dawned on me.

We had already broken up, I just wasn’t aware of it. I didn’t know the ins-and-outs of their lives anymore, I wasn’t part of their growth process. I wasn’t a chapter in their novel anymore, I just ended up being a really good short story. And I guess nothing is wrong with being a short story, great movies and TV shows are based on short stories.

But it’s something I didn’t expect. I think I had more to offer, I think I still could have been a great chapter.

As an adult I thought I was set and my circle of trust was in tact, but was reminded that some relationships don’t last and there’s nothing more that you could have done. Just got to be happy with the fact that you lived with integrity and you always did right by them.

 

 

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15 Responses to “I Think I Still Could Have Been A Great Chapter”

  1. atureaud November 11, 2014 at 3:13 AM #

    I know exactly how you feel…I totally get it 😞
    Been there, done that ….
    sad , but it happens .
    Waddya gonna do? two Ben n Jerrys?
    I’m sure that was comforting eh?
    Yup, you deserve only the best !
    Move on… Keep smiling 😊

    • The Guat December 11, 2014 at 1:35 AM #

      Totally Ben & Jerry’s that definitely helped with the moving on phase. And I’m tripping out on all the responses I had no idea that this happened more often than thought. Good to know that everything turns out all right in the end. Thanks for the pep talk.

  2. Special Ed. November 11, 2014 at 9:55 AM #

    I love this post. It reminds me of a friendship that went south through no fault of mine. I tried and tried to keep it going, then realized it was a one-way street. I mourned the friendship for at least 3 years. After that, I realized that I was not being mourned and that I needed to move on. Thank you for expressing my sentiments!

    • The Guat December 11, 2014 at 1:33 AM #

      Totally was in a mourning period and so glad that I wasn’t the only one who has ever gone through that as an adult. It’s a trip when you’re an adult and this happens. You feel like you’re set with your circle of trust, and somehow you lose one and didn’t realize it was a one-way street all along. Sending you good vibes and wishing you well.

  3. lameadventures November 11, 2014 at 10:51 AM #

    Guat, I think that there are friendships (for me, gender is not an issue) that you think will last forever but circumstances change and you drift apart. Sometimes the drifting is mutual. Other times one person drifts faster and further than the other. No one likes being the friend left behind. But over time, you’ll likely find yourself anchored to a new bud. Often, we don’t realize it when that happens, just as we don’t notice the drifting. It’s life. (Wow, all this sea metaphor from someone who needs to wear water wings in the shower.)

    • The Guat November 12, 2014 at 11:46 PM #

      Thanks so much for your words of wisdom buddy. You know I don’t know if I’ve told you this but every time I seem to have some sort of dilemma that sidelines me a bit you manage to say something that lifts my spirits a bit. So thanks for that. This whole drifting apart business sucked. Thought we were good friends. It did actually happen slowly and I did notice and tried to make attempts to reach out and keep it going but for some reason I was the only one putting in the effort and then I ended up feeling the He’s Just Not That Into You chick. But I’m sure eventually I’ll run into someone and we’ll be on the same page. It sucks losing a friend, especially when you thought they were a good friend. You miss that connection.

      • lameadventures November 13, 2014 at 4:43 AM #

        I inherited those words of wisdom about people drifting apart many years ago from the best therapist: my dear old dad. Glad I could pay it forward your way Guat.

  4. Cayman Thorn November 11, 2014 at 3:21 PM #

    I was talking about this just a few days ago. About friends I thought were going to be with me to the rocking chair, and yet, it didn’t work out that way. I feel you on this, and I hope you’re doing alright.

    • The Guat November 12, 2014 at 11:28 PM #

      Thanks so much. It’s been a tough couple of months, and so glad that I’m not alone on this one. It kind of sucks to lose someone you thought would be with you to catch those senior citizen early bird specials. Total downer but I’m hanging in there.

  5. brickhousechick November 11, 2014 at 4:05 PM #

    Oh no, Guat! I am so sorry for this loss of a friendship. It hurts to the core when that happens, I’ve been there. Especially when you don’t know it’s happening and you don’t understand why. I am going through something a bit similar and am wondering if it is time to just confront my friend and ask where we stand rather than wait and wonder and let my imagination get the best of me. We shall see.

    Thank God for chocolate, always. xo

    • The Guat November 13, 2014 at 12:02 AM #

      Thanks for the kind words chica. It does suck when this happens. Usually I’ve lost girlfriends when they’re in a new relationship and they get the I’m-in-Love swoony eyes bit. But now all my friends are married and I get it when are people get busy shoot I’m busy. But you always feel connected when you see them again. This time was different … felt like I was the only one wanting to be buddies. It’s always good to confront the situation and see where you stand. Maybe she’s got something else going on that she’s unaware, or maybe she’s just drifting apart, either way it’s best just know for your on peace of mind 🙂 Wishing you luck. And yes … chocolate has been my new best buddy. Thanks for the kind words, much appreciated mujer 🙂

  6. Kathryn McCullough November 11, 2014 at 8:04 PM #

    So, so sorry for your lost of this friend.. I hate it when things like this happen. Hang in there!

    Hugs from Ecuador,
    Kathy

    • The Guat November 12, 2014 at 11:25 PM #

      Thanks so much. It’s tough when stuff like that happens, kind of sucks but I’m finding a lot of support in the WP community. Good to hear from you, haven’t seen you in a while. Will stop by and check you out.

  7. Eric Streeter November 15, 2014 at 11:49 PM #

    Losing a friend always hurts. We lost one 6 months ago, and couldn’t believe the hole that left in our lives. Losing a friend to a slow drift like you describe has to be painful as well. At the same time, it puts your relationships in perspective, and I, at least, saw the value of cultivating relationships with worthies. Never know what could happen, and true friends are precious.

    • The Guat December 11, 2014 at 1:31 AM #

      Dude yes! It totally sucks. It’s weird when I think of it because it shouldn’t bother me, it’s not like I’m a kid anymore, but it does leave a hole there because you valued it so much. Definitely puts things in perspective and you do value the ones that are there for you even more.

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