At first you’re in love.
You got that Corinthians passage memorized and you go in with hope and faith.
You go in thinking you’ve met you’re Jake Ryan.
But then you realize this is not Sixteen Candles and your girlish idea of romance is just that … an idea.
Although … sometimes it pans out and runs the course. You celebrate 50 years, but not just 50 years, 50 good years. Nicholas Sparks romance novel good years.
Other times love gets you to the seven-year itch mark and you find yourself being Diane Lane in any of the Diane Lane-I’m-gonna-dig-myself-out-of-this-disasterous-break-up movies.
But what ends up happening is that you try your best not to be like the lead in Tyler Perry’s Diary of a Mad Black Woman.
This is what’s happened to three of my friends in the last two months.
They say half of marriages end in divorce, my side of the block is up to 75%.
I feel pretty bad about that as none of them did anything to deserve the situation they currently find themselves in, and I couldn’t find the words to express how bad I felt about the situation. All I could do was listen and do my best to make them laugh with whatever personal disaster was happening to me at the moment.
And then I came across a fellow blogger that hadn’t posted in months.
I was happy to see her on my reader until I realized what happened.
They say it’s rare when people get hit by lightning. Extremely low percentage. Even more rare when you get struck twice. But it happens.
And unfortunately for her it happened this way.
However she’s handled it with such strength that it blew me away. What’s even crazier is that she managed to find humor in a completely unfunny situation.
Dude.
Duuuuuuuuuude.
So in an effort to champion my friends back to a better state I sent the posts to them. I was hoping it would give them strength and laughter when they needed it most. And then I realized that there could be others out there living the same quiet moments of sadness who haven’t discovered this blogger. So I thought I would post links Mikalee Byerman’s blog.
Me 2.0 … If necessity is the mother of invention, then divorce is the mother of re-invention…
Here is her story.
Even if you’re not going through relationship issues, it’s a good blog, full of comedy and heart.
So if you know someone at the end of their Molly Ringwald romance, help them get through their Diane Lane Adventure.
Step one?
Encourage them to visit Byerman’s blog and read her story.
It will get you out of any funk.
The Wish Factor 
And herein lies the rub: The Molly Ringwald romance itself – or more to the point, the notion that there is such a thing outside the silver screen is the problem.
My wife and I got pretty close to divorce a few years ago. Life was damn near insufferable around her because she had this notion in her head that I should be that movie romance all of the time – that I should be someone I’m not to appease that part of her that wants to keep being swept off her feet every few weeks.
Towards the end she started lashing out when I failed at an opportunity to make her swoon.
Now, long story short, I did have to work a little harder at the romance thing. On the other hand, my wife did a complete 180 after a ton of marriage counseling. The counselor finally convinced her that A) Just because a thought enters her head, her perception isn’t necessarily the truth… And B) that you can’t expect your spouse to be a different person than they are.
Now that we went through those changes, we actually do have that Molly Ringwald romance. The two best years in our marriage. Better than the honeymoon (seriously).
So, all I would say is please, be careful not to throw away your Molly Ringwald romance because it doesn’t “feel” like a Molly Ringwald romance.
Romance is hard to keep alive in marriage but it’s doable if people try not the Jake Ryan caliber romance but your own and it’s still possible, but I do agree with your B point … can’t expect your spouse to be a different person. A friend of mine mentioned this to me long time ago when I got hitched, it was great advice…said if he didn’t take you dancing before you got married don’t expect it to change after you get married. Marriage doesn’t change a man into something you want them to be, they’re always gonna be the same…dude it was the best advice ever. I didn’t want anyone to change and I don’t think some women do, I think they’re just looking for the same connection they had in the beginning. They like the movies because it reminds them they were Molly Ringwald once, they had that butterfly feeling connection, maybe not with the pink dress and birthday cake, but still a moment that made them exhale. They had moments when you lose all the moments and have none to look forward to…I think that’s when technical difficulties start.
Fair enough.
I think I remember seeing her avatar “liking” Freshly Pressed posts and then *poof*
Thanks for pointing me in her direction.
In my humble opinion, there are about 25% of the people who don’t have the ability to stay in a committed relationship. They are the wanderers, the uncommitted, the cheaters. Others get married to the wrong person for various reasons. Sex mostly, money, or settling for someone, just to get married even though there were red flags. This is a HUGE generalization, but I’ve seen a lot of divorce in my neck of the woods too.
She was … is an awesome writer and I think I found her that way too. It was great to see her again, but sad about the circumstances. And I agree with you … a lot of divorces fall in those categories, not every single one, but sex and money those are biggies. It’s tough definitely.
Thanks for sharing this, Guat! I went over to her site and am amazed at her perseverance. WOW! 🙂
She is definitely an amazing woman and good writer. It amazes me that she finds humor in these crazy jacked up situations. Definitely a strong woman. So glad you stopped by.
I can relate. I am on marriage number 3 and I HATE to say that. I really do. I hate that I failed not once, but TWICE! However, I will say I am finally where I know and love myself and with that it made my 3rd marriage the most rewarding and wonderful. We are on our 4th year of marriage (after two years of dating). It doesn’t even feel like we are married. I will definitely visit your friend! Thanks for sharing.
Marriage is definitely tough and definitely a learning experience. I can understand you not wanting to mention (and or hate) mentioning that you’re on your third marriage. Some people are definitely judgmental and they suck. But hey I’m glad you’re definitely in the best and most rewarding place.
Lovely post. Lots of divorce in my neck of the woods, too. Marriage can be amazing, so it’s kind of heart breaking to watch people struggle.
It does suck when the blueprints don’t match your life. It happens and it is tough and heartbreaking, but it does work for some people, which means it’s out there. Just have to try again when you’re ready.