Doc … I Think I Need A Consult

9 Jul

Dear Doc McStuffins,


The Doc is in.

I’ve heard you’ve cured everything.

The Pricklethorns. The No Vroom-Vroom-atosis. The Fall Apart-atude. Stuff-fully-osis. Weak-muscle-itis. Overheat-otis. Twisted tail-itis. Big Head-atosis. Forwards-Backwards Panic-itis.

My two-year old seems to think you’re a genius. She walks around trying to cure stuffed animals and Legos of their ailments. Apparently all you have to do is put it in the Big Book of Boo Boos and you’ve got the answer. In fifteen minutes you’ve got it.

I wish I lived in that dimension … you know the same time-space continuum that Jack Tripper, Janet Wood, Crissy Snow and Mr. Roper reside in and where all is well at the end of the day.

I know it’s Wednesday and that Geico Camel is extremely happy that it’s Hump Day, but I’m needing a little assistance in the cure department.

My Hour of Power in the morning rocked as it always does,  despite the three garbage trucks weaving in and out of a three block radius, polluting the atmosphere during my morning run. I was still able to come out with a positive outlook for the day. But then after a couple of hours I ran into them … you know … people suffering certain ailments that only you and your magic stethoscope and trusty hippopotamus  nurse could cure.

Now normally I could shake two or three off,  but I’ve seen a series of repeat offenders for the last four days and it’s burning me out.

I ran into people suffering from …

Rolling My Eyes syndrome. Foul Mouth-atosis. The Cranky-Wankies. The I can’t help you right now-atude. Debbie Downer syndrome. Inconsiderate-itis, which is a subset of The Selfish-Selfies. Jackass-osis. The it’s-you-not-me syndrome which eventually evolves to the I’m never wrong-itis flu, an epidemic in my family.

Yeah I saw them all today and desperately needed to go to a kick boxing gym to let my Jean Claude Van Damme out, because the meditation and chocolate was not working.

Doc … how do you cure stuff like this in fifteen minute increments?

Do you wear I-am-so-freakin’-awesome shirts everyday and listen to Pharrell Williams just to remind you that you’re awesome even when everyone around you is sucking the air out of your balloon?

Doc … I think I need a consult.

What you got?




15 Responses to “Doc … I Think I Need A Consult”

  1. 76sanfermo July 10, 2014 at 12:22 AM #

    Same situation here , I’m afraid….
    If it helps , I UNDERSTAND!

    • The Guat July 25, 2014 at 10:55 PM #

      Sorry to hear that you’re in the dumps. Hope that you’re feeling better and that weekend has something awesome in store for you. Sending you some good vibes.

  2. susielindau July 10, 2014 at 7:11 AM #

    Make an appointment for me too! 🙂

    • The Guat July 25, 2014 at 10:57 PM #

      I’ll have the 9 a.m. you could come afterward…although I hear that they’re having something called Beer Camp in Denver, maybe that will be better than a Doc McStuffins appointment. 🙂

  3. claywatkins July 10, 2014 at 7:40 AM #

    at 2 everything is possible.. they haven’t yet leaned the constraints of adulthood or reality. The only thing we have – that a 2 year old doesn’t have is the capacity to choose our reaction – we can choose to rise above or not. I think you do rise above, most don’t. Hang in there – have a great week.

    • The Guat July 25, 2014 at 10:59 PM #

      Thanks so much for the kind words and confidence. Dude I totally try to rise above it most of the time, it’s tough when the other party is not helping the situation, but kind words like yours definitely makes me feel good. Thanks so much for the boost!

  4. cravesadventure July 10, 2014 at 8:50 AM #

    Yesterday was brutal for me and by the end of the day I was done – had people burnout so bad! I went to the gym and worked it out. Today is a new day and trying not to continue the foul mood from yesterday – ha! Happy Thursday 🙂

    • The Guat July 25, 2014 at 11:01 PM #

      People Burnout! Ha! Yes that’s exactly what I suffer from 🙂 Hope you were cured from your foulness as I was…took me a little longer, but I’m back on track and feeling a little better. Thanks for stopping by 🙂

  5. anotherday2paradise July 11, 2014 at 3:05 AM #

    I do try my best not to come into contact with these insufferable beings. I also find that gym is a great stress reliever. Kick boxing sounds like an excellent idea, and what could be a very good deterrent, is if you wore your gloves whilst out and about. 😀

    • The Guat July 25, 2014 at 11:03 PM #

      Working out or running or swimming totally help out the situation, but sometimes you just need to get the boxing gloves out and let it rip until your exhausted. Totally helps me out when I have “people burnout” 🙂 Thanks for encouragement 🙂

  6. Cayman Thorn July 11, 2014 at 5:40 PM #

    I lost my battle with a person who shall never, ever be named on account of their really unfortunate mojo. And inside the moment, I cursed the idea of losing to this kind of ugly. But you know what? With the space of a month’s time I have come to understand that it’s not about the details of that battle, it’s about my response. I have grown and I have learned. And in the doing of this, I no longer curse the person in question. I get it, I accept it, I move on. I appreciate the chance to try again.
    That is what matters, most of all.

    • The Guat July 25, 2014 at 11:06 PM #

      Duuuuuuuuuuuuude. You’re like my Yoda and totally help me bounce back with your awesome advice. It did take me a while to get over this hump and I did realize that my response and reaction was the only thing I could control (part of the Mental Diet was I was on) and that all I could do was move on and leave them with their unfortunate ugly mojo and distance myself. Thanks for encouragement 🙂

  7. lameadventures July 14, 2014 at 8:47 PM #

    People can be both wonderful and terrible, Guat. I recently went on a first date with a toxic personality. We went to a pie shop. I ordered a slice, she asked the servers a litany of questions about every pie in the joint, but did not order anything. They had water at a stand. I was going to get a cup. She said she wanted water, too. She’d pour it. She had bad aim and proceeded to spill it all over me. While I was eating my pie, and my date was drinking her cup of free water, I noticed that the young couple (male/female combo) sitting across from us also seemed to be on a first date. The guy had the jitters. He was nervously shaking his knee up and down. My date turned to him and barked, “Hey! Dude! Knee! Stop your shaking! It’s bothering me; you’re making the floor vibrate!” I whispered confidentially, “Hey, I think they’re on a first date, too.” My date bellowed, “I don’t care!” He and his date left shortly after glaring at us. I wanted to beg them for their forgiveness, offer to pay their first child’s college tuition. My date said to me, “You’re okay. You’ll do.” Do what? I can’t tell you. As for me, there definitely will not be a second date with this toxic terror.

    I hope you’re doing better now.

    • The Guat July 25, 2014 at 11:08 PM #

      HOLY CRAP! I am totally doing better now. I can’t believe you ended up with spending the evening with someone like that. Dude. I mean it makes for some great comic relief writing material, but dude … the agony of that ugly kind of mojo duuuuuuuude. I am so sorry, what kind of chocolate should I FedEx you?

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