It Broke My Heart … And I Forgot to Check My Crazy at The Door

11 Dec


The night was filled with profanity and disbelief. The unexpected happened, but in retrospect I should’ve known he was going to rip my heart out.

There I was six years ago minding my own business, when a friend calls me and says you should really watch this new show. I’m totally into it. They’re doing a marathon on account of the season finale.

And there it was … that’s where it began. I blame Michelle for this state I’m in. She turned me into a Sons of Anarchy junkie, where apparently no one is ever safe in the city of Charming.

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It’s been six years and I can’t stop the surprises from blowing my mind.

Usually I can see things coming, but this totally broke my heart and left me in my I-can’t-believe-this-just-happened state of mind. I couldn’t even sleep thinking about it.

He killed her. He totally killed her off and he broke my heart in the process.

In one of the best season finales I’ve seen, Son’s of Anarchy creator Kurt Sutter kills off Doctor Tara Knowles: Jax Teller‘s wife, his old lady, the love of his life, the mother of his two kids, and the moral compass to his being.

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Who does that? Who kills off someone so important to the main character?

Who leaves two little boys alone with the possibility of a junkie ex-girlfriend or murdering grandma vying for guardianship?


Who makes you believe that Jax will own up and protect his family at all costs, only to be betrayed by his own mother?



You bastard.

I used to think he was a writing genius, but now I think he’s just a crazy madman toying with my emotions and breaking my heart at the end of every season. First it was Opie, Jax’s best friend and right-hand man, who was literally beaten to death in front of his eyes. I thought dude … did that just happen? How the hell is Jax going to recover from that? It took me a while to mourn that loss. And now this?

Dude I am heavily wrapped in Sons of Anarchy drama. Complete geek.  Although, I don’t even know if I can say geek when referring to an outlaw motorcycle club show, but in essence, that’s who I am … I’ve turned into one of those Star Trek Super Crazed Fans that know the Spock language and is completely obsessed with the Enterprise. That’s me … however instead of polyester space suits and pointy ears my obsession revolves around motorcycles, black leather, and murder.

There have only been a few shows that get me to a state of craziness like this … LOST, 24, The X-Files, Breaking Bad, The Sopranos. They consume me and  I get so emotionally involved that if I saw one the actors out in the open I would totally jaywalk across congested life-and-death traffic and scale a 20-foot fence just to say how much I love them, but I’d do my best not to come off stalker like.

Realistically it doesn’t make sense for me to get all crazy hostile over Tara’s unexpected departure, but I loved this character. She was a strong woman with flaws and depth. I loved watching her and Jax on-screen.

Poor Tara, she was trying to do the right thing and ended up getting stabbed to death by Jax’s manipulative and controlling mother, Gemma, who escapes without Jax knowing. But of course Tara had to die, she knew all the secrets, including the fact that Gemma also had a hand in killing Jax’s real father, John.  However at least she got to speak her truth about their relationship and Jax spoke his, and they reconnected. At least Jax stepped up and chose her over the club, something I thought would not happen.

“You’re a husband … and a father … and a man before all of this. Own your place.”

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And Jax did. He did. He listened to prosecutor Patterson. And I was left hopeful … but I should have known. Hope gets shot in Charming.

I was left stunned. In the end, Jax was left finding Tara’s body on the kitchen floor, next to the dead sheriff who was trying to protect her.

Dude I don’t know if I can handle much more, Sutter.

Can I see Karma catching up to Gemma in Season 7?


Can I?

Can I see Jax fulfill Tara’s wishes and get his family out of Charming and away from crazy Gemma?

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Image via

Can I?

Considering that Opie’s wife was also killed because of SOA Club drama, can I see Jax’s fate or path being different from Opie’s?

Can I?

You’re killing me, Sutter. Killing me.

For six seasons I’ve been loyal, totally sucked into this biker world with plenty of Holy-Crap moments. However, this one tops the list. I mean if I had a support system, maybe I wouldn’t have been so devastated. But there I was, freaking out on the couch, by myself with no Sons of Anarchy after-the-show-I’ll-comfort-you-this-actually-didn’t-happen group. Just me and some chocolate.

And the show’s message boards.

Yeah … it got so crazy that I went online to the social media world I dislike so much and hit the message boards.

Has that ever happened to you? Where you’re a normal person but turned into a crazed fan?

Yeah that’s what broken hearts do. We forget to check our crazy at the door.



10 Responses to “It Broke My Heart … And I Forgot to Check My Crazy at The Door”

  1. susan swiderski December 12, 2013 at 11:49 AM #

    HA! No, I can’t say that a TV show has ever captured my attention like that. I guess “24” came the closest. My condolences, because NOW you have to wait until the start of next season to get the answers to your questions. (Sounds like a helluva writing staff on that show, though.)

    • The Guat December 12, 2013 at 7:14 PM #

      Yeah they have a pretty good writing team seeing how they actually leave me all devastated and turning to the hated social media for answers. It’s crazy. I got no lack of self-control with this show. And yes … tragically I’ll have to wait until next year. Duuuuuuuuude.

  2. Cayman Thorn December 12, 2013 at 5:00 PM #


    No spoiler alert? Really?

    That’s okay. I didn’t need a spoiler alert to catch me up on this one.

    Guys . . they do tend to suck.

    • The Guat December 18, 2013 at 10:10 PM #

      Dude. No. If people hadn’t seen the finale after two days then these people aren’t really fans. Besides most people probably guessed it considering the first line and the first pic. However, I held back that night because I was in complete mourning. I couldn’t believe how shocked I was and how deep I was in that Holy-Crap state of mind. Dude. It was crazy. I was crazy. But I just gave it a day … I had to let it out. But glad that you were able to catch up to crazy Gemma and her drama.

  3. cdeveraux December 18, 2013 at 11:58 AM #

    Well Said. I actually feel bad for fans like you that have been with the show from the beginning (like my best friend) I rarely watch t.v. but did actually catch the last 7 of this 6th season, and even I experienced, the “OH MMM GEE” jaw dropped, hand over mouth, I expected she might get killed, but THIS – I can’t believe it, even though I’m looking right at it, of what you are describing. I can’t imagine having a connection with all the characters for the past 6 years and then watching this. My best friend is like that and since she doesn’t have cable, came over a week later to watch the last two episode before the finale, then the finale. She bawled. I lost my 21 year old to a tragic car accident 1 1/2 years ago, so watching that whole scene with Gemma attacking & killing Tara; and then watching Jax hold Tara – :I could feel the shock, devastation, and rawness of emotion through all of it! Circumstances of how weren’t familiar, emotional experience of shock, trauma, disbelief, numbness etc … I thought it was so weird that I was experiencing so much grief over what I just watched on this T.V. SHOW! BUT – it just goes to show how connected the mind is with the emotions & heart, whether through fantasy or reality. Sometimes, the heart can’t seem to distinguish between the two when it comes to love, tragedy, hate, etc … it’s weird. I watched the after show for the same reason you’re describing, but it wasn’t long, so I caught the rest of it on line. Even that was a bit intense (emotional) and really didn’t bring any comfort, other than to see that Katie and Maggie were both emotional and hated that this had to happen with the show too. Only have one friend who watches this show, not up to speed with the fan message boards, I drove my husband nuts talking to him about it. It was weird, I felt like (and oddly still do) I was experiencing an actual loss and grieving it; but also grieving for these fictional characters of this fictional t.v. show, for their loss.. Such a bizarre experience. I think, besides going through motions and experiencing the shock of the loss with Jax in that final scene, I’m left feeling very confused about how I feel about Gemma now. I loved her character for lots of reasons – immediately – and loved Tara too – loved her & Jax’s love, even though I came in during their worst stage of their relationship – you could still feel it and see it – and now that’s gone thanks to Gemma and now loyalty to Jax, is automatically stronger than any remaining loyalties to Gemma; which is just another ‘loss’ to grieve;and there is a deep sadness and emptiness for not only Tara, but Gemma now too because no matter what she does to try and ‘redeem’ herself, she’ll always be the one who killed the love of Jax’s life and the mother of his children, and there’s really no coming back from such a betrayal; and as much as fans love Gemma, this fan is grieving over the fact that what she did is unforgivable and I’m forced to give anymore of my admiration or heart to that character – except to pity her for the tragedy and sorrow she’s brought upon herself and her own family.

    • cdeveraux December 18, 2013 at 12:02 PM #

      meant, forced to ‘not’ give her anymore of my admiration or heart like before etc …

    • The Guat January 14, 2014 at 2:25 PM #

      Sorry for the delayed response, don’t know why this comment was stuck in the spam folder. I totally love it! I was looking for someone to talk to when this whole thing ended. I couldn’t believe it! I was in shock and anger and in a holy-crap! state of mind. I was in mourning for such a long time. Duuuuuuuuuuuuuude. I have been watching these characters for six seasons and was so hoping for a Jax and Tara love story in the end well and then here comes crazy Gemma. Dude and Unser the instigator of it all with his gossip. Dude! That really burned me out. Poor Jax. And I totally agree with you I was feeling a total loss, like actual loss, like a friend, just because I’d been connected to their story for so long. Oh! I so hope that Jax finds out about everything, I mean he has to, right? He has to! And then it will be over for Gemma and Juice too. There is absolutely nothing she can do to redeem herself and I’m hoping the rest of the fans feel that way too, I’m looking forward to her demise next season and so hope that it’s a good one. I don’t want her to die off like Clay did … you know trying to be “good” guy and trying to get sympathy after all the crap he pulled and then he got killed. Gemma needs to go down in a ball of fire. That would be so satisfying to see her go down after all is revealed. It would be awesome. I’m like you, I got no love for Gemma, and the writers may try to get her to redeem herself because of all the guilt she’ll be feeling, but hoping they don’t because Jax really needs revenge on this tragedy. And I so hope Wendy doesn’t take Tara’s place, I have a feeling they’re going to try to put her in the mix and that just burns me out, because Tara would have been a better ending to Jax’s story. Thanks for the talk. See you next season?

  4. Igoy August 4, 2014 at 7:07 AM #

    Exactly my sentiments man, I am amazed at myself, I felt it like a personal loss, even woke up from a dream, just to realize Tara is dead. Lately I binge-watched all 6 seasons, Tara’s death really saddened me. I too then went on to IMDB SOA message board to share my sadness. I think Sutter created a beautiful character, someone to fall in love with but he killed her like anything. I can’t imagine she won’t be there next episode onwards, its so sad, all the time I rooted for her to reach her paradise with Jax and her kids. I loved her man..

    • The Guat September 5, 2014 at 11:11 PM #

      Duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuude me too. Totally blew my mind. I still can’t get over it, that was the ending I was sort of hoping for, you know getting away from the club and finally making it. Dude, Sutter could have totally done that and I guarantee that most of the audience would have loved it. She was definitely awesome, my only hope is that Gemma gets what she deserves in the end. Are you ready for Tuesday?

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