Archive | 11:59 PM

The 99-Cent Store, Aura, and Toilet Bowl Cleaner

21 Sep

I didn’t expect that kind of encounter at The 99 Cent Store. I went in there for hand soap and left feeling a little Twilight Zoney.

Image via Wikipedia

99 Cent Stores. They are awesome for people on a budget, families with kids, teachers, struggling writers, and college students. They are all over the place down here in Southern California. They got everything from duct tape and pliers to statues of the Virgin de Guadalupe and produce. And when it’s a holiday that requires decoration they got an entire aisle dedicated to the festivities. This place makes it affordable to have spirit on holidays.

But the other day my encounter was with a spooky spirit.

Now I’ve been told that I tend to give off a friendly, approachable vibe from time to time, but usually complete strangers tend to keep their distance. But this chick … this chick decided to approach me while I was checking out the Comet and Ajax, doing a toilet bowl cleaner comparison.

She stopped, backed up, and stood in front of me. She was an older woman, with frizzy red hair and clothes that looked like she had purchased at Urban Outfitters.

I knew she was staring at me, but I didn’t say anything right away. I was kind of hoping she was looking for some  toilet bowl cleaner, and I was in her way. But no such luck. She put her hands up in the air, sort of around my personal space. I looked hostile and confused.

“What are you doing?”

“Your aura.”

“My what?”

“Your aura. Your halo.” She did the Mr. Miyagi wax-on, wax-off move around my personal space and I sort of backed away slowly. “I’ve never seen or felt an aura like this.”

She came closer.

“Uh … Your not gonna be feeling anything.”

“No wait. What a powerful aura you have. Such greatness there. Amazing.”

All I could think of was this chick has no idea what the hell she’s talking about. I’m 37, and I live at my parent’s house. I’m the female version of George Costanza.

But she kept going on at how amazed she was with my aura and how she wanted to hold my hand to give me a reading.

Dude. All I needed was hand soap. I just happen to check out the Ajax because I was thinking the toilet could use a good scrubbing. I should pick up a couple of cans, and then there she was … psychic extraordinaire trying to feel up my aura at the 99 Cent Store.

I explained that I really didn’t have time for his whole enlightening experience at the 99 Cent Store, and that I really didn’t let strangers hold my hand. She told me she lived just a couple of blocks down the street and that I could stop by at any time. Her offer to read my palm would still stand.

All I could think about was this is how people get chopped into little pieces and end up in people’s freezers.

Dude. Aura.