Archive | 11:59 PM

Univision and The Power Of Pearl Dust

16 Aug

As I sat there on the computer trying to ignore the chicks on Univision and all their sneaky secret plots to deceive the guy, that commercial came out.

La Crema Concha Nacar.

This is probably why I avoid watching telenovelas. This moisturizer commercial shows up at least three or four times in that hour-long drama.

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This is probably one of the most irritating gimmicks spread across the Latino population. Every mother, aunt, and cousin over the age of fifty in my family has a jar of this crap. From the motherland, to The East Coast and to the West Coast that little pink jar sits in their medicine cabinet. Probably next to their Una De Gato (Cat’s Nail), which is a pill that alleviates menstrual cramps, rheumatism, and kidney stones.

Yeah they should be on covers of magazines, right?

Apparently La Crema Concha Nacar clears age spots, sun spots, and pregnancy stretch marks. It dims scars caused by acne and blackheads, in addition to eliminating pimples. It contains some kind of pearl dust found deep in the ocean. I mean who goes scuba diving into the depths of the shark infested ocean to harvest some kind of pearl dust?

Well I guess the makers of  La Crema Concha Nacar do. The moisturizer is supposed to make you look as good as the chick in the commercial — the one that walks around her house in a bikini all day. They strive hard for your beauty.

Let me tell you, all these Guats don’t go walking around in a two piece. They still have age spots and I really think they stopped getting acne at the age of twenty. Pearl dust. They should have just gotten the magic beans and gone up the beanstalk with Jack. They would’ve had better luck.

However they all swear by it. This sort of purchasing decision makes me question all the free advice they constantly bestow on me. How can I take life or motherhood advice from someone who is in the Concha Nacar Cream Club and shells out $50-$70 bucks on 4 oz jar?

I mean they could probably just get some Neutrogena or Oil Of Olay for a lot less and their skin would look the same. But these ladies are old school. They believe in the power of pearl dust. Sad but true. Until someone else other than myself snaps them out of it, they’re probably going to be lifetime costumers. I could probably bring them a study with facts and statistics and I would still be talking out of my ass. I’m just the little Guat up against Univision and the power of pearl dust.

All I can do is change the channel. So I do.