The Flaming Hot Cheetos Mastermind

11 Aug

“Dude is that a bag of Hot Cheetos?”

“Flaming Hot With Limon.”

Sometimes when you show up to social gatherings you kind of figure out whether it was a dude or chick behind the master planning.

image via

For instance today I went to see a friend play in a softball game. They said families were invited so I brought the kids. Now seeing how it was a family thing a girl would have probably researched which park would be best. Bathrooms, jungle gyms, and parking. Today the ten-space parking lot was for staff only. And apparently they were all there. Who’s ever heard of a park with only ten parking spaces? In addition to that there were suspect element type of people hyped out of their mind and going through withdrawals near the bathrooms.  My son had to pee elsewhere.

Now considering that  for the last week-and-a-half, it’s been about 90 degrees every day, a chick probably would have scheduled the game in the early morning or in the early evening. She would have arranged for a time when the sun was not baking you, while you were sitting down cheering for friends. Today’s game was at three o’clock — when the sun’s rays are a bastard and all the UVA and UVB deadly rays are making you sweat. This was the kind of sun that doctors tell you to avoid.

Now a chick would have had snacks for everyone. Chips and salsa, possibly Ruffles and dip, some kind of noodle or potato salad, a veggie platter, fruit salad, and a watermelon of course. If she couldn’t do it herself, she probably would have organized a pot luck. She would have also had a large cooler with beer for the guys and a separate cooler for water, Gatorade, and juice boxes for the kids. Maybe even cheese sticks.

Today they had two bags of Flaming Hot Cheetos with Limon and a ginormous cooler filled with beer. The Costco pack of Crystal Geyser was sitting in the sun next to a twelve pack of Gatorade.

Luckily, there were moms hanging out in the shade. Each mom, including myself brought a small cooler with juice boxes, sippy cups with water, string cheese, apples, a Tupperware full of grapes, Ritz crackers and Goldfish Crackers. We’re always prepared for disaster, traffic, and dudes that plan softball games.

Now despite all these planning differences everyone had fun without the extras. We enjoyed watching all the out of shape guys rip the softball up in the air. We even had fun watching them trying to sprint around the make-shift bases which were really made out of beer cans and baseball bags. It goes to show you that no matter who plans things, the Flaming Hot Cheetos Mastermind or the tired crazy mom, eventually you smile and have fun as long as you’re in the shade.

9 Responses to “The Flaming Hot Cheetos Mastermind”

  1. 1pointperspective August 12, 2012 at 5:16 AM #

    In another five years, those same moms will start making sure there’s a difibrolator around too. Moms just think of everything!

    • The Guat August 13, 2012 at 2:35 PM #

      We had oxygen tanks in the trunks … just in case 🙂

      • 1pointperspective August 13, 2012 at 2:41 PM #

        I rest my case. So well prepared. You girls take the fun out of weekend athletics.

        • The Guat August 13, 2012 at 2:52 PM #

          Nahhhhh. We just don’t want to carry anyone to the car … they’re too heavy

          • 1pointperspective August 13, 2012 at 2:59 PM #

            True – and that CPR can be tough on a manicure.

  2. Cayman Thorn August 12, 2012 at 10:36 AM #

    Yanno, it’s about time we had a female commissioner in sports. Football Sundays would be over in time for dinner and the World Series would be played in the afternoon, so kids would be able to WATCH the endings rather than catch the highlights on Sportscenter. And now, you’ve sparked my interest in these cheetos..

    • The Guat August 13, 2012 at 2:47 PM #

      She would kick ass. We take everything into consideration. We would definitely schedule baseball early enough so that kids could enjoy the seventh inning stretch. Football Sundays would definitely finish before dinner, but we’d leave Monday Night Football alone … it’s Monday.

  3. island traveler August 14, 2012 at 7:09 PM #

    Thank heavens for moms and their amazing survival skills 101. Always prepared for anything. You have a way with words that kept me glued to the end. Exciting post. I like Cheetos with Jalapenos. Yummy! I laughed when you mentioned about the out of shape husbands…I think I’m a member of that club! ha, ha, ha.

  4. adinparadise April 2, 2013 at 11:04 AM #

    If you want something done properly, you usually have to do it yourself. Glad you went prepared. 🙂

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