Archive | 11:59 PM

The Flaming Hot Cheetos Mastermind

11 Aug

“Dude is that a bag of Hot Cheetos?”

“Flaming Hot With Limon.”

Sometimes when you show up to social gatherings you kind of figure out whether it was a dude or chick behind the master planning.

image via

For instance today I went to see a friend play in a softball game. They said families were invited so I brought the kids. Now seeing how it was a family thing a girl would have probably researched which park would be best. Bathrooms, jungle gyms, and parking. Today the ten-space parking lot was for staff only. And apparently they were all there. Who’s ever heard of a park with only ten parking spaces? In addition to that there were suspect element type of people hyped out of their mind and going through withdrawals near the bathrooms.  My son had to pee elsewhere.

Now considering that  for the last week-and-a-half, it’s been about 90 degrees every day, a chick probably would have scheduled the game in the early morning or in the early evening. She would have arranged for a time when the sun was not baking you, while you were sitting down cheering for friends. Today’s game was at three o’clock — when the sun’s rays are a bastard and all the UVA and UVB deadly rays are making you sweat. This was the kind of sun that doctors tell you to avoid.

Now a chick would have had snacks for everyone. Chips and salsa, possibly Ruffles and dip, some kind of noodle or potato salad, a veggie platter, fruit salad, and a watermelon of course. If she couldn’t do it herself, she probably would have organized a pot luck. She would have also had a large cooler with beer for the guys and a separate cooler for water, Gatorade, and juice boxes for the kids. Maybe even cheese sticks.

Today they had two bags of Flaming Hot Cheetos with Limon and a ginormous cooler filled with beer. The Costco pack of Crystal Geyser was sitting in the sun next to a twelve pack of Gatorade.

Luckily, there were moms hanging out in the shade. Each mom, including myself brought a small cooler with juice boxes, sippy cups with water, string cheese, apples, a Tupperware full of grapes, Ritz crackers and Goldfish Crackers. We’re always prepared for disaster, traffic, and dudes that plan softball games.

Now despite all these planning differences everyone had fun without the extras. We enjoyed watching all the out of shape guys rip the softball up in the air. We even had fun watching them trying to sprint around the make-shift bases which were really made out of beer cans and baseball bags. It goes to show you that no matter who plans things, the Flaming Hot Cheetos Mastermind or the tired crazy mom, eventually you smile and have fun as long as you’re in the shade.