Archive | 11:14 PM

The Guatemalan Crocodile

2 Aug

Despite the 6:30 a.m. baby wake-up call you’re having a good day. The kids are listening. The water in the inflatable pool is warm. There are no splashing fights, and no bees stalking you. It’s urban Guat harmony … until …

That’s right, there’s always an until. The outside element that infringes on the Nietzsche-like atmosphere you accomplished in that patio. Instead of a pleasant rubber-duckie and floaties experience, you’ve become collateral damage. Emotional collateral damage.

What is that!

That’s when they explode and you just happen to be in the line of fire. No bullet-proof vest for that. Just another layer of thick skin. I think I’ve become a crocodile.

Image via Wikipedia

If you’re upset with the driver that cut you off then I really think you should have sassed them on the street. A good horn honking helps release some of that hostility. No need to come in with that negative attitude. If you’re upset because the pain killers you took an hour ago are not working on your headache, backache, or arthritis pain then take some more pills or call the phone number on the back of the box. I didn’t make the pills. If you’re planning to storm out, don’t expect me to chase after you. I’m not one of those chicks in a Univision Telenovela, I’ll lock you out. If other family members rubbed you the wrong way, call them on their cell phone and let it out, or check your emotional baggage at the door because I don’t have the claim ticket for that one.

Collateral damage.

It spins and manipulates things out of control so that the culprit gets out of washing dishes, folding laundry, mopping floors, pool clean-up, sandwich making, and a massive Costco adventure during prime time.

It amazes me how collateral damage often coincides with chore day or that Zumba class at the gym.