Percentage Whores

30 Jul

People who create 20% of the results will begin believing they deserve 80% of the rewards. — Pat Riley

Amen brother.

English: From the left: Shaquille O'Neal, Pat ...

English: From the left: Shaquille O’Neal, Pat Riley and Micky Arison at the White House (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

This is something that I constantly come across. At one point this statistic had me going to anger management because it proved to be true so many times and in every facet of my life back then. It didn’t help that I was a substitute teacher either. I wasn’t flying off the handle and attacking clerks in public. But I did have anger permeating throughout my body so much that I thought it was best to deal with it before I had a heart attack and imploded.

These people exist. Percentage whores.

Many of them exist in office spaces, family dynamics, social settings, and school environments. I’ve encountered them in every space, but nothing more so than the school environment as a student and a teacher.

As a substitute teacher I got a lot of information that I wasn’t supposed to receive. Most people write you off, because they think they’re never going to see you again. You’re a sub and they don’t. But in my case, with all these special assignments thrown my way I quickly learned who these percentage whores were, some of them even up in the ranks of Vice Principal. You know … walkie-talkie people.

These are some of the biggest percentage whores, walking around the campus all with their secret 10-4 and copy that codes.

But what do you do when you encounter a percentage whore? A teacher or an administrator that walks around claiming 80 percent when you know they’re at the 20 percent mark, what do you do with that information?

Do you confront them?

No. Most of the time if they don’t interfere with you or your business, you let them be. But once they cross you or make you pick up the slack for their so-called  impressive work ethic you bust out some Soprano-like tactics and make sure they know you and that you really know them. It’s the only way to release your anger in a constructive format.

As a substitute teacher for middle school you get a conference period, an hour to relax and take a breather. Gather your thoughts and maybe wish you’d brought some chocolate with you. However sometimes you get pulled from this haven to cover a class. In the district where I worked, full-time teachers got paid to do this, subs did not.

Now I wouldn’t mind taking a random hit every now and then, but when I found out this one was deliberate, I sort of lost it. Confrontation ensued.

I left a note. I stated what a disaster the experience of covering this class had been.

Teacher X,

For someone who constantly screamed professionalism and appeared to be the “poster child” for it you suck at it. You’re not the success you claim to be, you’re a mirage and you suck at your job. Your students are a reflection of the kind of teacher you are and it’s no wonder that school’s are fudging their stats. People like you exist. They have to hide you. Don’t ever call me to cover your class. There was nothing great about it. There were no textbooks, no notebooks, no worksheets, no lesson plans. Just your coffee mug on a messy desk. If it weren’t for my creative mind, there probably would not have been class. Do not convince the office that my time is not as valuable as yours. I know you were not at a parent conference. The parent did not show. If you needed another hour break in addition to your conference period, you should have just stayed home. Please don’t manipulate the office into having me cover for you again. Don’t call me to cover your class at all

The next morning I ran into the teacher. The teacher was making announcements on the loud speaker at school, full of school spirit, and posing with their best percentage whore personality.

The teacher, who was with two other co-workers approached me.

“Are you the teacher that covered my class yesterday? Did you leave that note?”

“Yeah. I did. And I meant it. You should be embarrassed. Don’t call me again.”

Stunned.

I walked out.

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10 Responses to “Percentage Whores”

  1. truedesignliving July 31, 2012 at 1:10 AM #

    Guat , have you seen the movie “Waiting for Superman”? it’s so well made, enlightening, scary and slightly hopeful too. It’s just up your teacher street, methinks.(watch the special features too)

    • The Guat August 1, 2012 at 9:56 AM #

      Haven’t seen it yet, but I’ve heard of it. Might have to go on the Netflix list

  2. Lisaman July 31, 2012 at 9:44 AM #

    I do think you are right…I have encountered many people who make people think they do a lot but actually do nothing at all…they still however have their jobs!!!

    • The Guat August 1, 2012 at 9:57 AM #

      I know that baffles me. I still don’t understand how they get there.

  3. Carlos Sanchez July 31, 2012 at 3:15 PM #

    That was really funny Guat! I was not expecting you writing that letter at the end. Priceless!

    • The Guat August 1, 2012 at 10:11 AM #

      Glad you stopped by to check out the humor of my tragic Substitute Teacher days. And yeah that teacher definitely deserved the letter no doubt.

  4. Cayman Thorn July 31, 2012 at 4:14 PM #

    I’m throwing a high five at you. When you read this comment, pick up a glass of anything friendly and hit me back on it.
    Good for you, lady.

    • The Guat August 1, 2012 at 10:01 AM #

      Salud! High-five right back at you my friend. 🙂

  5. teawithmanaguagunn August 2, 2012 at 12:34 AM #

    You made me chuckle…but then…feel a certain twinge of sadness…how true it is what you wrote…

    • The Guat August 2, 2012 at 11:21 PM #

      Glad I could make you laugh on the truth of this crappy matter. Thanks for visiting 🙂

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