Archive | 11:17 PM

My Tinman Update #3

1 Jun

It’s the public urination. I’m just not a fan of swimming in that.

But I know what your thinking. It’s called a triathlon because it features three sports. Three. But for some reason that still doesn’t encourage the public pool adventure. But I’ll have the opportunity to splash around in a private pool soon enough. I might be able to dunk myself at least three times this month. I should be doing it three times a week, but this is The Guat Life … this is how I roll. Makes for a more exciting challenge.

Image via Durtbagz.com

I don’t know if it’s possible for someone to train for a triathlon solely working on the running, biking,  and weight training, but it’s all I’ve got. I’m not a high roller, I don’t have a pool. But I do possess some bad ass will power. It’s the kind of will power that’s coupled with the Lero Lero Factor.

I know I’ll be hurting once I reach this water. I will have run a 5K, biked nine miles through something called Devil’s Canyon, which I imagine to be something steep and grueling, thus the name. But I can only guess. I’m sure my stomach cramps, out-of-breath body, wobbly knees, and burning quads will let me know.

After surviving my encounter with the steep, dangerous, unknown canyon I then splash in the water for a 100-yard swim — you know the size of a football field.

100 yards in the water. Maybe I’ll watch some Michael Phelps footage and get inspired.

It’s supposed to be over after the swim, right? That’s what I imagined. But no. Apparently I am supposed to take my Aquaman ass out of the water and make a mad dash to the finish line. I don’t think I’ll be dashing much, more like walking briskly. But you never know. Maybe I’ll have some crazy adrenaline and sprint toward the end.

In truth I’m hoping all the running and Glucosamine pills I’ve been taking will help me out. I hope I don’t get a cramp and drown, but I’ve been told life guards will be on duty just for that reason, so I figured my bases are covered.

Will I win my age bracket?

Probably not.

Considering my lack of swimming, I’m just hoping I don’t end up last. That’s the goal. Do not end up last and finish the race. I know what you’re thinking, I’m a total overachiever, aiming that high and all, a regular Olympian. But that’s how I roll. And even though I am triathlon impaired during training, I’m still going all the way. It’ll just take me longer to finish. But I’ll finish.

Baby steps. Baby steps.

 

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