Archive | 11:26 PM

I Realized That Tylenol Sucks

9 May

I’m no Flo Jo, no Lance Armstrong, no Michael Phelps. I’m not in Olympic shape. I’m not in triathlon shape. I’m not even in junior high school nerd shape. I’m not swimming. I’m not biking. I’m not running. I’m barely walking.

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Apparently the flu is contagious in this household, and when it’s accompanied by a fever, crankiness and the inability to perform basic functions like throwing out the trash are common side effects. So not only am I sleep deprived, but also lacking the time to tone and condition my muscles as I find myself the only capable and functioning adult in the household.

During this health conscious time, I’ve realized that Tylenol sucks. It just doesn’t work. Acetaminophen. It doesn’t matter if it sounds all fancy-SAT-like coming out of the pharmacists mouth. Acetaminophen. It still sucks. It’s supposed to relieve pain and reduce fever. Lies … all lies. I should have read the fine print more closely … It says minor aches and pains. Minor. Stuff like papercuts or hangnails, I guess.

Perhaps if I would have started the ibuprofen regiment earlier the germs would not have overpowered everyone’s immune system and I might have made time to train for the Tinman Triathlon. If this Advil for Infants and NyQuil for adults doesn’t work I may in fact come in last place at this race. I used these flu drugs before and they seem to do the trick, but it may take a while. Last place … stupid Tylenol.

Although, there’s nothing wrong with last place, but if you know you can do better … it sucks. So I hope to carve out time this weekend and begin a daily training routine to help my Guat body do well in this race.

In any case the countdown continues and I forge ahead with my plans. Once again I’m in it solo. Now, I understand why a couple of my friends were hesitant to accompany me during the Warrior Dash. That was intimating and most of them were concerned about the obstacles. But this triathlon has zero obstacles and yet again I had no takers. 

Well one friend was up for the race, but seeing how she had neck surgery just a little while ago, it might be a good idea to sit this one out until she’s recovered. The neck seems to be a vital piece of the human body. You need it to work properly. But everyone else seemed not too keen on the idea as I got no response from my email.

That’s O.K. I meet all kinds of interesting people during a race. We all sprint the straightaways. We all don’t want to get beat by the sixty-year old Ironman looking chick. We think about walking the bike up that killer hill.  And we all share the same goal: finish the race without injury.  

With the help of Advil and NyQuil the training begins. Giddy up!