No Wonder You’re a Writer …

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Ever see yourself on television or film and then realize  … aha! no wonder you’re a writer.

Yeah … I had that moment today.

Well … it may not have been television, more like YouTube. It was an interview I did for the family business. I was tag teaming with my mom.

I was trying to help out. My mom is the kind of person that doesn’t really do well in interviews, especially when they’re conducted in English. She prefers the Espanol on account of her accent. If hot stud Jorge Ramos from Univision had conducted the interview she would not have asked me to come down to the shop. She would’ve been ‘I got this!’ But it wasn’t Jorge. Just some PBS-looking dude.

She’s also got the smile thing. She’s one those people that doesn’t smile in pictures when you say smile. She has to be feeling it. So in all pictures, she’s either cracking up, or she’s got that don’t-mess-with-me face. No in between. This was a no-in-between situation.

So I was the buffer in this interview, at least that was the intention.

I was told it was just going to be some radio interview and I thought great … I’ve done radio before. I used to do the sports segments for my college radio station. I was badass.

However, this was not 90.7 FM.

It wasn’t an awesome topic. Just family business, straight out. The promotions squad did an interview with a couple of other owners. I was a little nervous at first, but after the ninth take I was like c’mon now, I got this.

No. No I didn’t.

I’m not a vain person by any means. You know me, the Chapstick Type. But this interview did me no justice. I can honestly say that our interview wasn’t the greatest. I wish they would have included the segments of me laughing or smiling. I was out of character. All business, no smiles. I thought man, who’d wanna buy something from you?

Did I say the right things? Yeah.

But I didn’t have the flash of other shop owners: You know the butcher dude slicing the pig in half; the bakery chick showing off her pastries; the French dude with his accent and wines; or the Spaniard showing off his culinary skills and paella.

Ahhhh. If my dad was still here, he’d rock that interview with his smile, bust out his Guat wit and sense of humor, and dazzle them with his slick knife skills and dice up some free-range poultry or other game bird. A regular ginsu master. Instead, they got a writer who uses the chopper to cut food at home.

I sent the video to my sister. The verdict has not come in yet. She’s probably as mortified as I was when I saw it. 

 Ahhhhh … Yeah … I’m a writer.

 

 

 

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