Archive | 11:59 PM

Street Smarts II: The Roommate From Hell

24 Feb

I don’t think anything could have prepared my cousin for this little adventure. Not even street smarts, well maybe it would have helped her prevail, but prevent … no. I don’t know if it was a coincidence or just weirdness. But just yesterday I wrote about my cousins, street smarts, and being aware of their surroundings when going to college.  They both have plenty of book smarts, but lack the street smarts instilled by the barrio. In our little conversation, I forgot to mention that sometimes you encounter the roommate from hell … and she drinks.


Under-age drinking still occurs on many campuses, and stupidity comes along with it. But sometimes stupidity is not the only personality trait that accompanies alcohol.

Apparently my cousin had returned from a party with her friends and had not invited her roommate. Well … more like she gave her the shaft because the roommate was a little too Jennifer Jason Leigh from Single White Female.


Image via Wikipedia

So when she returned from the party the roomate wasn’t there. My cousin got her laptop and began surfing the net. Just as she was getting cozy the roommate came home, plastered and pretty hostile about being left behind. Sentences full of profanity and attitude followed. Then she snapped and began punching and kicking my cousin like one of those cage fighters.

My cousin was A) pretty shocked that this happened and B) confused that the chick who shares her toothpaste would freak out about not “running into” each other at a party. My cousin did her best to fend off the crazy roommate, I think the computer got pretty beat up too. After a couple of minutes the other roommate heard the yelling and screams and was able to break it up. Street smarts would not have prevented this, but I’m pretty sure it would have given my cousin the upper hand.

My cousin went to the dorm’s main entrance and spoke with the campus community service officer at the front desk. They called in about seven police officers. My cousin didn’t have any broken bones or sprains, just a lot of redness and some bruising on her arms and leg. She told them about the events and sure enough the boys in blue said they could have her arrested on the spot, but my cousin has a good heart and said no. She thought it was an isolated incident, even though the roommate drinks all the time. She thought perhaps when the roommate awoke she would have remorse. I probably would’ve had another answer, something involving handcuffs and an orange jumpsuit.

So according to campus policy the roommate from hell needed to be aware that A) she could be facing criminal charges, B) she was permanently getting kicked out of campus housing, and C) there would be a disciplinary hearing regarding the incident, her underage drinking, and probation, or possible expulsion.

They escorted my cousin back to her room to get her belongings and inform the roommate of her status. As they opened the door, they didn’t find a teary-eyed roommate from hell full of guilt or remorse. They found the roommate from hell half-naked on the floor making out with another chick and getting rug burns on body parts.


If you’re not pressing charges, at least get a restraining order. This chick is from the Twilight Zone, only hostile, stupid, and horny.