Archive | 11:49 PM

When You Know You Need to Buy Raid…

18 Feb

It’s been a long time since something freaked me out. I’m not afraid of many things. I pride myself in being a tough athlete, fearless at times. But this … this made me do the Flashdance like Jennifer Beals and raise my voice a few octaves.

Cucarachas. Have you met these bastards?

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I’m no stranger to them. I grew up in an apartment building in the inner city. They’d travel from place to place. We’re familiar with Raid. Fogger. Fumigator. Large Baits. But I thought I was beyond that. Moving on up. But apparently not.

I was visiting a friend the other day and it was time for the baby’s nap. So my friend suggested I put the baby in the master bed. I thought sure, why not? About an hour later I heard the baby wake up. I went to the bedroom and picked up the baby. As I put my friend’s fluffy pillows back on the headboard I saw it.  There it was hanging out on the corner of the mattress, wreaking havoc with its antenna and brown presence.


Freaked…me…out. I was so grossed out. By the time I regained my composure and thought of taking off my sneakers and whacking it, it had crawled back to wherever it came from.

When I walked out of the bedroom, I told my friend we had to leave. She was a little surprised, but I wasn’t going to tell her, “Hey you got cucarachas and they almost crawled all over my kid.” I figure she’d be embarrassed, and then I’d feel bad. I know she’s a clean person. She’s got the Comet, Clorox, and Mr. Clean to prove it, but I just had to leave. I remembered this story my cousin told me about an emergency room visit and every time I see these roaches I remember the incident.

Apparently he was doing some sort of construction in the garage one evening, when he nearly sawed off his finger. He rushed over to the ER and sat there bleeding away until they called his number. As he was waiting he ran into one of his old high school flames. Apparently they ended on good terms because when he recognized her she said hello, he said hello, and they got to talking. They had some old-time laughs.

So then he asked her if she was waiting for someone because she wasn’t bleeding or looked to be in severe pain. She turned red and put her head down. She told him that she was pretty embarrassed about the situation. He said it wasn’t a big deal if she didn’t want to share, but thought he’d ask. So I guess she finally gave in and said:

“I’m here because a cockroach crawled into my ear.”


I would’ve needed a serious dose of vallum to keep me from screaming in that waiting room.

So, any time I see cucarachas I think of my cousin’s old flame. The fact that the cucaracha might have been crawling anywhere near my kid or her ear had me rushing for the exit. I didn’t want to be that chick in the ER with a creeper crawler in her kid’s ear.