Archive | 11:52 PM

Bad Ass Senior Citizens

9 Feb
Scooter man

Scooter man (Photo credit: Ed Yourdon)

What’s the worse that can happen?  I’m living life.

That’s what she was probably thinking.

I mean from the looks of it, she was a bad ass … like Gema Teller Morrow from Sons of Anarchy, but instead of rolling on a Harley she was pimped out in her Rascal a.k.a. motorized scooter. Sure she probably had osteoporosis, rheumatoid arthritis, and maybe even cataracts but she was mobile … she had swagger. 

I was stretching out on the grassy knoll next to the track when I saw her. I actually had to do a double-take to make sure I was seeing it correctly. There I was in the fresh air, stretching out my muscles, inhaling and exhaling trying to oxygenate my body when she rolled by me with her 85 year-old squeeze. It was a Betty Rizo–Kenickie kind of love…I’m guessing.

They were engaged in conversation…apparently it was going to be a long one because he checked the oxygen levels on his tank and secured his portable oxygen tubing. Maybe they were talking about their kids, or the good-old days when 100 aspirin costs 76 cents, or arguing about who was funnier Bob Hope or Abbott and Costello.

Maybe they were talking about Metamucil. I don’t know…but all of a sudden she circles him once and then rolls out. She stops. It was as if she was storming out of a room after having an argument, and she paused at the door. She put her bad boy Rascal in reverse, did a spin move and just stared at her dude. He turned up the oxygen in his tank…and then that’s when she did it.

She pulled out her Virgina Slims and lit one up. She took a deep breath, exhaled in his general direction, and continued the conversation.

Dude.

She probably thought what’s the worst that can happen?  He’s already got oxygen, she’s got osteoporosis. They both take a combined 30 pills a day. Why not? 

At that point, she must’ve noticed me staring because she looked up at me and said, “What? You need something?”

Yeah…I need clean air after a workout. I’m sure he agrees with me.

She took a long, slow drag from the cigarette and exhaled.

Apparently I needed to find air somewhere else, because this air belonged to the bad ass senior citizen and her nicotine habit.