Archive | 11:53 PM

I Love Hawaiians…The Creators of This-Is-Not-Your-Life Chocolate

3 Feb

I was having one of those days again…unfortunately it was back to back. And normally I would have wallowed but I found something that turned it around. The cocoa plant. This time it worked. Not because it was a KitKat or Twix. Not even because it was a Ghirardelli Square. But this time it was Hawaiian. I came across a box of Big Island Candy and it was over. 

Sitting there savoring the two pieces of rich milk chocolate hypnotized my brain and my heart just took over. It was chocolafied. As I sat there I remembered my letter. It’s probably taped up in the customer service representative’s cubicle. 

Image via

Image via

Dear  Big Island Candies Customer Service,

Recently we received a Big Island Candy gift basket filled with cookies, chocolate covered cookies, Hawaiian Macadamia Nut Rocky Road Milk Chocolate, and Hawaiian Crispy Milk Chocolate. The quality and flavor of your cookies and rocky road was incomparable and quite savory. In fact I hadn’t tasted anything like it before and believe me I’m an experienced chocolate connoisseur (I’ve got the cavities to prove it).

I was convinced I would never purchase any other kind of store-bought chocolate. I wouldn’t go back. I couldn’t! But alas, something put a chink in my chain. A Tylenol to my Chocolate Fever. Kryptonite. I was extremely disappointed with the taste and caliber of the Hawaiian Crispy Chocolate in the gift basket.

I understand that you create many different flavors, ingredients, and textures for your products in an effort to produce something delicious, new, and diverse. However in this case I don’t know if it was your ingredients or the final product itself, but this chocolate was not up to par.

I was sitting down after a hard day of work and wanted to unwind. You see, I’m a substitute teacher for an inner city school district grades 6th – 8th and the only thing that hasn’t stopped me from suicide is chocolate. That fact in and of itself should let you know how agonizing and unbearable my day went. The need for great chocolate was adamant. I was looking forward to forgetting the disrespectful insults of the day, the prophylactic attached to my doorknob, and the dean of discipline referral slips crumpled up in my pocket. I needed a moment of serenity, but your chocolate failed this time. My comfort food didn’t placate my emotional status. In fact it kicked it up a notch. I ended up getting into an argument with every human being in the tri-state area, including my husband and he chalked it up to PMS. However, I don’t get PMS…I get chocolate withdrawals. Needless to say, he slept on the couch and I had no Big Island Chocolate.

This chocolate left a nasty bitter taste in my mouth that shook my newly found fondness for your product. I have enclosed the entire box (minus the piece I attempted to digest). I truly hope you can remedy my situation with either a box of the rocky road chocolate which I knew was of fine quality or the same crispy chocolate which was filled with questionable-tasting ingredients (bad batch perhaps?).

I would like to continue believing that your homemade chocolate and cookies are my “serenity now” necessities required after a difficult day of teaching today’s youth values, morals and grammar.

About five weeks later I got a small box of Hawaiian Macadamia Nut Rocky Road,  a large sampler box, and a catalog.

Dude I love Hawaiians. They make these this-is-not-your-life chocolates. They’re awesome.