Archive | 11:07 PM

Finding Wonder Woman

10 Jan

Living at your mother’s definitely adds anxiety to your life. I mean you’ve built up an immunity shield but it’s not as strong as those Wonder Woman bracelets that deflect bullets. That’s something that needs to be bottled. I’d buy a Costco-size pack of those. I mean there are good days, however the bad days leave you with an emotional hangover that make you feel like you’ve been living here for years. You need to spin around like Lynda Carter and find your inner Wonder Woman to feel invincible in this environment.

Lynda Carter as Wonder Woman, displaying her a...

Image via Wikipedia

So in an effort to get distracted, not that I’m not already with two kids and a thousand chores but a good kind of distraction, I’ve decided to run a race.  I’ve done a triathlon before and I was interested in doing another one, until I came across something called The Warrior Dash. Have you seen this craziness?  

I came across the site and even though the race is about three miles, it’s like a decathlon in the mud. I’m on a mission to get in shape and train so I don’t eat it or break anything. Every obstacle seems tough, but the scariest sounding is Satan’s Steps. I mean is he gonna be there to push me off, or what? Because I can tell you right now, I don’t need help falling, I do it all the time without practice. However, the obstacle that worries me the most is Warrior Roast. This involves fire and I’m not Tommy Gavin. I mean fire is something you try to avoid your entire life because of third degree burns and well the heat and pain stemming from that. But this is it. I’ll be jumping over logs of fire. Well if I make it that far…they got wall climbing, tangled nets, monstrous rubber tires, barbed wire, and waist-deep murky waters. 

I think I’ll need to do some extra push-ups … that and Glucosamine. High potency, clinincally tested to maintain my joints. Maybe some lunges and squats too. I should visit that chick Jillian Michaels‘s website. She seems badass. No Wonder Woman needed. Giddy up!