You try your best to stay on the positive tip, but sometimes you have no control over the way people are going to behave. People say things that cut through you even though you do your best to put up your defenses. People do harmful things even if you’ve done your best to protect yourself.
And then you’re both angry and sad at the same time.
It’s a weird vibe, but you have every right to feel the way you do, you’re entitled to feel that way, it’s your right. You’re not clinging to it and you don’t enjoy it, you just feel that way, and it slowly begins to resolve itself after the apology … That’s if one ever comes.
If it doesn’t, the feeling festers and the recovery process takes longer, because it makes you believe the other people are not even sorry for what they’ve put you through.
But spilling thousands of gallons of oil off the California coast, covering about 9 miles, not to mention the disasterous slick spreading to the ocean …. Dude that doesn’t just happen. That kind of stuff could be avoided.
This week there was a pipe rupture that was responsible for damaging miles of Santa Barbara’s most amazing and peaceful coast. Over 700 workers were doing their best to clean up the aftermath of this environmental mess. The fact that our Memorial Day Weekend plans were cancelled because of that didn’t upset me, it was the fact that the spill happened at all that sent me over the edge. Seeing the pictures of wildlife and the coast covered in gooey black oil really burned me out.
That’s where the anger and sadness cohabitate. I understand that the clean up efforts are working hard and I’m commending those marine biologists, workers, and other volunteers for their efforts, it’s just the fact that something like this happened (or happened again) that frustrates me the most.
The feeling won’t help the situation. It won’t. But I have it.
Like in a relationship when your dude or lady does something and it angers or saddens you. It hurts you, and you carry that feeling, that sense that you were wronged, until there’s closure. Until things are resolved. Until your light again.
So that’s where I am … waiting for the lightness of being.